Chapter 11
Petra
Screams sounded from every direction. Somewhere nearby, a cricket was chirping, the beat of its call matching that of my heart.
Smoke still rose from the pile of rubble that had been the Eserenian castle days — no, mere moments ago.
Cal’s hand still clung to mine where we stood amid the smoldering rock.
Eserene was exactly the same as we left it and somehow entirely different. Because I was entirely different. I’d moved between realms. I’d seen life beyond death. And I’d bargained away what was most precious to me.
Like a sick reminder, I felt it now. The power in my veins, humming in a way I’d never noticed before. They were back. I had my powers back .
But something was different. They felt weaker, brittle, like the edge of hunger and starvation, when your hands begin to shake and your knees feel wobbly. Before I could take full stock of my powers, Cal pulled away, moving over the rubble at a frantic pace.
“Miles!” I called, reality hitting me hard in the gut. I turned wildly, scrambling over the rubble in search of him. He was dead, right? He had to be dead. But what if…
“Over here!” Cal yelled, and then I was moving, my heart skittering as I clawed my way to where he stood over a limp figure.
My mouth fell open when my eyes landed on him, my breath hitching in my throat as I took in the state of his broken body.
It was so much worse than I remembered. Lieutenant Miles Landgrave, the man who’d been my downfall but had become my friend, lay dying.
It was a miracle he was still alive at all, nearly split in two, the edges of his wound glowing and sizzling with an eerie blue light.
Miles’ head lolled to one side, his warm brown skin now a sickening shade of gray.
Pieces of his ribs jutted haphazardly out of his chest, their broken ends craggy.
I kept my attention on his face, afraid to look any closer at his wounds.
His onyx eyes fluttered open and closed, rolling to the back of his head over and over again as he fought to hold on to some thread of consciousness.
“Give me your sword,” I said to Cal as I lowered myself to his brother’s side.
“Do you have your powers?” he asked, and I could tell he was trying to keep his voice even as he unsheathed his blade and handed it to me.
“I think so.” I ran Cal’s blade over my palm only to find the skin left unbroken.
I tried again, pressing the sharp edge of the steel harder into my palm.
The same thing happened again, the pressure leaving nothing but a white line that quickly reddened again as the blood rushed back in.
“What the fuck?” I whispered. Cal’s face was blank as he stared down at my hand, his head shaking in confusion.
My dagger . I reached for the blade at my thigh.
A quick slice across my hand, and as the blood welled, relief did, too.
I reached for Miles’ face, gently resting my bloodied palm against his soot-stained cheek. “Hey, Lieutenant, time to wake up,” I whispered. “We have shit to do.”
I desperately tried to keep the panic from my voice. Because if this was it for him, if my powers were too weak or it was simply too late and Miles was nearing his final breath, he deserved peace. He didn’t deserve the chaos I felt roiling through me.
Please be strong enough , I prayed silently. Please, let my powers be strong enough .
“Come on, Tobyas,” Cal urged, a gloved hand on Miles’ uninjured shoulder. Tears threatened my eyes at the sound of Cal using Miles’ true name. “I still have so much to tell you.” His voice cracked as he tried to keep himself from doing the same. “And we need to go find Cielle.”
Miles’ breathing was so shallow, I had to focus all my attention on watching the edges of his wound to see any movement at all. The blue light Malosym left behind still flickered like the embers of a fire that was almost dead.
I didn’t know what would greet him on the other side of death. I wasn’t sure if it still existed, or if he’d be walking into a wasteland similar to this one. But he was headed there whether I wanted to believe it or not.
“I met your mother,” I said quietly. Saints, I hoped he could hear my words.
Cal’s eyes landed on me, burning into the side of my face.
He was averting his gaze, intentionally looking anywhere but at his brother.
I gulped down as big a breath as I could, hoping it would keep me from crying.
“Your Aunt Berna, too. They’re excited to see you on the other side.
It’s so beautiful there, Miles.” The lie burned my tongue as I said it, but I couldn’t bear the thought of him being as scared as I was. It was beautiful. Before.
His lips parted, and for a moment I thought he was going to speak. But instead, one final, ragged breath rushed forth. His chest stilled completely. His dark eyes went empty and unseeing. That blue light, though, continued to burn.
Grief hit me hard and fast as I fell back, landing hard in the rubble with a hand pressed to my mouth. It hadn’t been enough. Why hadn’t it been enough?
Cal’s chest was barely moving, his jaw locked so tight I was sure his molars would be ground to dust. Slowly, he turned to look down at his brother. A tear escaped one gemstone eye, then another, and he didn’t wipe them away.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, tearing his gaze away from Miles to look at me. The blue in his eyes had never looked more like the ocean than this moment. I turned away, a fucking coward in the face of such a life-shattering, monumental failure.
“It’s not your fault, Petra,” Cal whispered. “Look at me.”
I couldn’t. I couldn’t meet his gaze. This was my fault. This whole fucking thing was my fault.
“Look at me, Petra.” He reached forward, hooking his thumb beneath my chin, forcing me to look at him.
“This isn’t your fault. Do you understand?
It was Castemont.” Cal pursed his lips before speaking again, “ Malosym . Malosym is the reason I lost him when we were kids, and he’s the reason I lost him again.
” His voice wavered, though I could see how hard he was fighting to keep it even. “Him. Not you.”
His words seemed to roll off me like water beading off a gull’s back. Maybe it was part of the truth, that Malosym had indeed caused the destruction and devastation around us. But at the core of those words was another truth I had to face.
Malosym was only here in the Human Realm because of me.
“Come back to me,” Cal breathed, searching my eyes as he pulled me to stand. My knees wobbled. “You’re somewhere far away right now. Come back to me. I need you here.”
I swallowed back my own hurt, nodding as I straightened.
Cal needed me to be his strength right now.
I squeezed my bloodied palm but decided I should let myself bleed.
I deserved it. The short-lived shouts of victory that had sounded when the castle fell…
they were long gone. Now, a thousand screams of horror and pain sounded around me, screams of the injured and dying. So yeah, I deserved to bleed.
Footsteps over the rubble sounded from behind me, and Nell and Whit scaled the heap, their faces wan and sorrowful as they took in the scene that greeted them. Nobody spoke. Nobody needed to.
Whit’s hand found Cal’s shoulder and Nell let out a mournful breath before her head leaned against my arm. She remained silent, as if she knew that any attempt at consoling me was pointless.
“We have to…” I started, mentally grasping for the words I was looking for.
I knew what I had to do. I had to free Katia and Rhedros.
But I had no idea how. I’d found the Sanguilite, gotten my power back, and made it back to the Human Realm.
That was the extent of my plan. I thought the battle in Eserene was going to be against Noros, Saint of Pain.
My focus had been on defeating the wrong force.
Everything had hinged on this battle against an enemy far more horrifying than I thought.
Nell had told me to pretend I knew what I was doing, and I had. I pretended I knew how to lead an army. When I lost my powers, I pretended I had them, and people had so much faith in those powers that they followed me into a losing battle against an ancient evil.
I ran my hands through my hair, focusing on keeping my breath as even as I could. “We have to find a way to free Katia and Rhedros and stop Malosym.” My eyes fell on Miles again, a sudden numbness taking over. “But Miles deserves a proper burial, first. All of the fallen do.”
“I can start the process of arranging those,” Nell said quietly with a somber nod. “I’ll see if I can locate Commander Summercut, set up camp and a command post outside the walls. I can try to– ”
Whit went rigid, his mouth falling open as his eyes flew wide. I followed his pointed finger, to where Miles' body lay limp. “Something’s happening.”
“What are you–” But my words were cut short as I leaned closer.
Something was happening. Bone clicked against bone as pieces of his ribs seemed to snap back into place.
The edges of his gaping wound had begun to knit themselves together at his shoulder, slowly joining in a jagged, silvery-pink scar that peeked out through the brutal slash in his armor as Malosym’s blue light fizzled out.
“What the hell?” Nell whispered, taking a cautious step back.
I knew better than to let hope bloom in my chest. My powers had probably taken effect too late, trying to mend a body that was now devoid of a soul. Saints, I hoped he’d found his way to Heaven and inside the protection of Soren’s walls. Please.
He’s seeing his Aunt Berna now , I told myself. And now he’s seeing his mother . They’re all hugging and crying and laughing, and Miles is whole and –
A choked gasp tore through my thoughts, and I shrieked as Miles’ mouth sprung open.
One hand flew to his chest and the other to the empty sheath at his hip.
He clambered backward, his eyes moving wildly between the faces that stared down at him, as if he were a wild animal that had been cornered by hunters.
Lungs that moments ago were still now heaved within a mended ribcage.
The Saint of Death had released his grip on Miles.
Holy fucking shit.
I held my bloodied palm in front of my face. Grateful tears burned in my eyes and I didn’t bother to blink them away as I crouched down beside Miles. “Hi, Lieutenant Landgrave.”
He slowly caught his breath, his eyes blinking rapidly. But before long, a weak smile pulled up at one corner of his mouth. “Hi, Queen Petra.” His eyes turned to Cal. “King Belin.”
“You bastard,” Cal choked as he lowered himself and gently grabbed Miles by the shoulder before he pulled him into a hug. Miles winced but didn’t hold back, his eyes wide on his brother when Cal pulled away. “We thought you were dead. Scared the shit out of us. How do you feel?”
Miles shifted, stretching his neck gently. “A bit like I got struck in the chest by the power of a demon lord I thought didn’t exist, but I think I’ll be alright.”
Nell beamed, nodding to Miles. “Good to have you back, Lieutenant Sunshine.”
“The Penumbra is back together!” Whit yelled, a fist flying into the air triumphantly.
Miles rolled his eyes. “The Penumbra doesn’t exist.”
Cal’s hand found mine, his thumb gently running over the back of it before turning it over and staring down at the slice across my palm. “You’re a miracle.”
And though I didn’t feel much like a miracle, I did feel relief as Miles’ hand ran over his chest, slipping beneath the armor where it had burned away, skimming the marred skin. I couldn’t fucking believe it. He was alive.
But that warm relief that flooded me receded quickly as I rose to my feet and stared out over the city. Eserene was in ruin. It seemed the screams grew louder around me.
Suddenly, Petra seemed to fall away, replaced by the Daughter of Katia.
I had shit to do. People to heal. A plan to make.
“Nell,” I started, “you go ahead with your plan to find Summercut and arrange burials for the fallen, and make arrangements to have survivors fed and sheltered. Whit, you round up the uninjured and assure the injured I’m on my way.
Help Miles out of the city and to camp.”
“No,” Miles answered, a bit too quickly. “I’m fine.” Slowly, he pushed himself up and rose to his feet, flexing his fingers at his side. With a steadying breath, he nodded. “I can manage.”
“It’s no trouble, Lieutenant," Whit said.
“I can manage,” Miles snapped, and Whit simply nodded, he and Nell retreating down the rubble. “Where will you be?”
“I have work to do. ”
And then it was just me and Cal atop a burning city full of people bleeding and screaming and dying. I searched for the storm in my chest, focusing on conjuring my newest-found power. I’d used it back in Taitha to heal the mass of Vacants. Surely, I could do it here.
But there was no storm to be found now, not in the sky nor in my chest. Only a few wispy gray clouds above us.
“Petra?” Cal asked tentatively as my eyes opened once again.
“Looks like I’ll have to do this the old-fashioned way.”