Chapter 43
Petra
“I was trying to imbue the blade with my power, and it worked.”
“It almost killed you, Petra!” Cal roared, his face creased with fury.
“No it didn’t, Cal. I’m not stupid!”
“What do you call burning yourself out with no one around but fucking Ludovicus?” A finger pointed straight where Ludovicus was standing just feet away.
Cal’s eyes heated with pure rage, the sapphire turbulent and the emerald roiling.
“For the love of the Saints, Petra, he tried to kill you just weeks ago!”
“Excuse me,” I said with a humorless laugh, slowly pushing to my feet and ignoring Cal’s outstretched hand. “Are you calling me foolish?”
“Of course I’m not,” he snapped. “But that was a foolish thing to do, Petra!”
Ludovicus shifted, answering before I could. “I would never– ”
“I don’t want to hear one fucking word from you,” Cal cut in, that finger jabbing into Ludovicus’ chest.
“Look at me, Cal. Do you think my judgement is so poor I’d put myself in a position where I could be hurt?” I asked, my brows raised. Maybe I’d put myself in a position to be killed , but that was a thought I kept to myself.
“Your judgement isn’t poor, Petra. That’s not what I’m saying. I–” Calloused hands tore through his hair before his eyes bored into mine again. “Why the hell is he here in Araqina, Petra? Why else would he follow you here unless to hurt you?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about Cal,” I snarled, anger flaring in my chest alongside a sudden need to defend Ludovicus.
“How do you know he’s not working for Malosym, huh?
” The rage radiating from Cal was so great, I felt like I could reach out and run my finger along its razor-sharp edges, like one wrong move and it would slice my skin open.
But I saw the source of that rage in those molten gemstone eyes — fear. He was afraid. Of course he was afraid.
I looked to Ludovicus, surveying the tilt of his brows and the lines that bracketed his mouth.
He was tall, but his spirit was withered and beaten.
He looked so earnest, so unlike the monster I’d known him to be in Eserene.
His eyes closed for a moment, a deep breath leaving his nose before he gave me one single nod.
“Are you sure?” I asked Ludovicus.
“Yes.” He was giving me permission to tell his secret. I just hoped he’d still keep mine.
“Ludovicus didn’t follow me here to Araqina to hurt me, Cal,” I said, quieting my tone as if I were trying to calm a wild animal. “He followed me here to help me. Technically, I followed him.”
Cal paused for a split second, his features creasing with confusion. “What? ”
My eyes found Ludovicus again, and he took a cautious step forward. “Since I’m familiar with the royal library, I thought I may be able to uncover something that would be of use. I left Eserene well before you did. I didn’t know you’d be coming here to Araqina at the time.”
Cal’s dark brows furrowed over his eyes, his corded arms crossing over his broad chest. “How the hell would that help Petra in the slightest?”
“It’s so extensive, and there are books there I couldn’t find anywhere else, and–”
“You’re not asking the right question, Cal,” I said gently before Ludovicus could steer Cal away from the point. “The royal library.”
Cal’s eyes narrowed on Ludovicus before they shot wide. “The portraits,” he breathed. “You’re the missing face. You’re the…”
“The Lost Heir,” I murmured.
Ludovicus nodded once, and Cal stepped back. “What?” he whispered.
“He’s also highly skilled in weaponry and had the idea to imbue a blade with my power…” I trailed off, eyeing Ludovicus, hoping he could see the almost imperceptible shake of my head.
“To give her another weapon against Malosym,” he offered, finishing my thought. A grateful breath left me. My secret was still intact, tucked away from Cal.
A heavy sigh left Cal’s mouth and he pinched the bridge of his nose. The wheels were turning in his mind, the pieces of the story forming a complete picture. “Was the plan not to interrogate him and end his life?”
Bile rose in my throat, dread along with it. “That was the plan, yes. But then it changed.”
Cal’s brows dropped, his mouth suddenly a thin line. “Why?”
“Because Malosym is gone. ”
“What are you talking about? He’s in the dungeon.”
My head shook, and as much as I wanted to look away and let the shame wash over me, I kept my eyes firmly on Cal. “He escaped.”
I let him process my words, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him when his hand covered his mouth and scrubbed over his jaw. “How?” The single word was pure wrath.
“I don’t know,” I breathed, and the frustration and uncertainty and hopelessness culminated in a rising wave within me, turning my stomach and setting my heart racing. “He was there one moment and the next he was gone. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know where he went.”
Cal turned away, his hands landing on his hips and his head dropping between his shoulders. “Fuck.”
“We need a new plan. Where is Miles?”
Cal’s head slowly turned in my direction, and I felt the blood drain from my face.
How had I not noticed his red-rimmed eyes, his hollow cheeks?
He stepped toward me, an unsteady hand reaching up to push an errant strand of hair from my face, his breath hitching when his fingertips skimmed my cheek.
“Cal, where is Miles?”
Silence was his only response.
My eyes moved back and forth between his. “Where is he, Cal?” This time when his breath hitched, it ended in a sob, his eyes still locked on mine. “Tell me where he is,” I begged.
But the face that stared back at me was pain personified.
The fury radiating from him just moments ago went cold.
Cal wasn’t going to tell me, because I already knew the answer.
A piece of me detached then, tumbling from the core of my soul and shattering like glass on the packed dirt ground.
I crumbled against him, my forehead hitting his chest as his arms locked around me like a cage, his own sobs wracking his body with tremors I knew would resound through me until the day I died .
I was vaguely aware of Ludovicus stumbling backward against the side of the building, but my entire world narrowed to the pain that was tearing me apart from the inside out, the pain that had to be multiplied tenfold for the man crushing me to his chest. No part of me wanted to know how or what happened or if it could’ve been stopped.
I didn’t want to face it, didn’t want to believe it was real.
But I knew and I was afraid a part of me had been waiting for this moment since he woke up in Eserene.
Miles was dead.
◆ ◆ ◆
The candles remained unlit. The terrace doors were locked. Miles’ room was empty.
He’d fallen from Gehenna. They took the drivas back to the spot just south of Bienmari Point to eat, and somehow, he’d fallen from Gehenna, and she hadn’t been able to catch him before he landed in the water.
Just like that, his light went out. Just like that, he was gone.
Why the hell had they gone all the way to the shore?
I didn’t ask Cal if he’d searched for him. Of course he had. I knew without asking that the guilt in him was raw and throbbing, the wound fresh and bleeding. This was a wound I couldn’t fix. This was a pain I couldn’t remedy.
And it was not lost on me that he died so similarly to Tobyas — a fall into the sea.
I thought back to when he’d fallen from Gehenna on our trip from Astran, another sob racking through me when I remembered the way his feet had kicked so furiously in the water.
Had he tried to swim this time? Had he fought for his life?
Or had he just accepted his death as Gehenna circled overhead, frantically searching the waves in the darkness?
“We’ll have to find Cielle,” I whispered, the knife twisting in my chest. “Tell her.” I didn’t want to think of the horror that would contort her features, of the scream that might rip from her throat. Perhaps silence would be worse.
Cal’s arms tightened around me, holding me closer to his chest. His only answer was a low hum. When his chin flexed as it rested against my head, his jaw grinding back and forth, I knew he was fighting back tears.
“I wish he got to see her before he…” My words stopped, paralyzed in my throat.
Cal inhaled deeply, steadying himself before he spoke. “He did.”
A torrent started again as my eyes widened. How the hell did I have any tears left in my body? “Really?”
He shifted a bit beneath me. “They talked in the garden this evening. He was able to apologize, say most of the things he wanted to say.”
“That’s… Wow. I’m glad he had the chance.” A certain turbulence in me settled. It was small, but it was something. The timing of Miles’ talk with Cielle was as perfect as it could’ve been.
Almost too perfect.
That turbulence that settled must’ve cleared out some space, just enough for the monster that was distrust to flex its claws.
I opened my mouth and shut it again. I didn’t want to pour whiskey on this wound.
But the sharpened tips of the monster’s claws pierced my gut and threatened to dig deeper, demanding all my attention. “You don’t think he would’ve…”
Cal was silent for a beat. “What?”
I spoke cautiously, knowing I shouldn’t even say it. This wasn’t whiskey on the wound. It was whiskey and salt and broken glass. But the timing really was too perfect. “You don’t think he would’ve taken his own life, do you?”
My breaths were shallow as I waited for the denial. For the outrage that I’d even suggest it. For Cal to echo the question back to me. For something . But he didn’t flinch, didn’t gasp, didn’t move a single muscle .
I shot up, Cal’s grip breaking from me as I whirled to face him where he laid, propped up on a stack of pillows. His bloodshot eyes were locked on the ceiling.
“Did Miles kill himself, Cal?” I whispered, the words like hot knives as I spoke them.