Chapter 48
Petra
I was paralyzed where I stood next to the dining table, Malosym’s letter still on the ground before me.
Somewhere in my soul, between the layers of anger and uncertainty was a fire that had been blazing for the four years since Castemont had entered my life.
A fire that had suddenly banked into nothing but a low-burning smolder, smothered by the fear that Malosym had Cal.
How? How did he have Cal?
I frantically reached into my mind. Adorex ! I shouted to her. Is Obitus here?
No.
Where is he? I asked.
A sense of panic echoed down the line to me. Unknown.
A soft knock sounded from the door, pulling me from my silent conversation with Adorex. I was numb as I shuffled through the room, opening the door to find Tyrak’s face creased with worry.
“Queen Petra,” he murmured, taking in my expression, and his changed from worry to fear. “What’s wrong?”
I stood to the side, ushering him through the door before closing it and leaning against the cool wood. “He has Cal. Malosym has Cal.”
Tyrak’s mouth fell open, his head shaking slowly as he stared. “How?”
“Does it fucking matter?” I shrieked, my arms flying wide as I began pacing aimlessly around the room.
“He has Cal. He has Cal. He has Cal .” Hysterics rose up the back of my throat, the bit of fragile resolve I’d built shattered by this raging sense of vulnerability, this harrowing sense of helplessness.
Tyrak’s eyes caught on the discarded note, and he reached for it, his mouth a grim line as he read the words.
“What do I do Tyrak?” I begged, my eyes swimming as I stood before him. My hands closed around his biceps, as if he was the only thing keeping me tethered to the ground right now.
There was no edge of pity or sympathy in his features as he stared back at me. There was just a profound sadness, an acute look of the same helplessness that was ripping through me. “I can’t tell you what to do.”
“Tell me what the fuck to do, Tyrak!” I roared.
“You know Malosym better than anyone! You were here for his rise in the New World. You know what he’s capable of.
So fuck Katia’s wishes. Fuck my fear. Fuck your guilt.
My entire fucking life, it’s all fallen on me to decide.
I don’t want it anymore. Now tell me what to do! ”
Every feature on his face hardened, the Saint of Pain visible in the creases that bracketed his mouth and the severe set of his brows.
But his eyes… His eyes were soft. He gave one final nod.
“You go to the shore,” he started. “You wait for him. No matter ho w long he takes. You wait for him, you ensure Cal’s safe return, and then you end this. ”
◆ ◆ ◆
My hastily packed bag was slung over my shoulders as I passed from the empty corridors into the darkened kitchens.
The castle was asleep. A few weeks ago, a midnight trip to the kitchens in the Eserenian castle had been an act of rebellion that cost Wrena her life.
It was the same night I learned there was another side to Castemont.
Now, it was my final stop before I set off to kill the man who’d been responsible for all the pain.
I wasn’t even sure what kind of fruit I’d dumped into my bag or if the bread I’d snatched would keep for more than a day. I didn’t care much. I just needed to go.
But I skidded to a stop when I saw the outline of a figure standing near the enormous cast iron stove.
“I’m sorry to startle you,” Ludovicus whispered, and as soon as I heard the sound of his voice, my hand flew to my chest.
“Fucking Saints,” I cursed. “I don’t have time to talk, Ludovicus. I need to go.”
“Where?”
I chewed the inside of my cheek as I reached for a hunk of cheese wrapped in wax paper, trying to fight off the rising tears. “Malosym has Cal. Remember that secret I told you? It’s coming to fruition. And it has to be me. The imbued blade is gone.”
His reaction to my words was not what I expected. There was just enough light coming from the torches in the hall to see him swallow hard, but otherwise, his expression was unchanged. No surprise, no dread, no questions as to where the blade went.
I paused my steps, my eyes locked on him. “What aren’t you telling me? ”
His lips parted, a short breath escaping as he stared at me for one long moment. “He told me he was going to find Malosym.”
My brows raised for a moment before they furrowed. “But…” My stomach bottomed out as my ears began to ring. No. No, no, no, no, no. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think of anything beyond the truth that had just landed like a stone to the face. “He’s going to try to kill Malosym.”
“Yes.”
“He told you?” I demanded, that hysterical outrage rising in my chest again.
“Before he left. I outfitted the blade with a hilt. He asked me not to tell you where he was going, but I thought it was important for you to know.”
“Did you tell him my secret?” I breathed, my insides a turbulent storm.
“No,” he answered quickly. “No, I didn’t.”
My hands tore through my hair. Malosym hadn’t simply captured Cal. Cal had all but walked into his grasp and surrendered. “Saints fucking dammit !” I roared, the sound of my voice echoing through the quiet kitchen. What a fucking fool! An idiotic, overly heroic fucking fool .
Footsteps sounded from the corridor, and my rage subsided for a split second as my eyes met Ludovicus’. Panic struck his face before he hit the floor, unceremoniously shimmying beneath the work table in the middle of the room.
“Queen Petra?” a melodic voice chimed through the darkness, and suddenly Queen Irli was in the doorway, flanked by two guards.
My heart jolted in my chest at the sight of her, at the knowledge her son was just feet away from her right now and she had no idea.
“I’m so sorry if I disturbed you, your Majesty,” I stammered, trying to get a hold of myself as a guard lit a torch inside the doorway.
I held tighter to the strap of my bag, hoping maybe she wouldn’t notice it hanging over my shoulder .
“Oh, you did no such thing. I couldn’t find sleep tonight.
” She nodded to the guards, who stepped outside the kitchen, as she floated toward the countertop, her eyes on the bowl of fruit I’d half-emptied into my bag.
She reached for some kind of citrus I didn’t recognize, her thumb digging into the skin and peeling it back.
“I know I could send for something to eat, but sometimes the walk does me good.”
“I understand.” The citrus smell hit my nose and made my stomach churn.
“You’re going, aren’t you?” she asked nonchalantly, popping a slice of fruit into her mouth.
“I-I… Yes,” I answered, heaving out a deep sigh. “I am.”
“You did tell me you have a hard time simply waiting.”
I shifted on my feet. Waiting right now was hard. All I could think about was sprinting from this castle. “Unfortunately, waiting is no longer an option.”
“I’ll let Laion know to ready the forces,” she said, her voice even. She seemed so unbothered, so composed despite the knowledge of what was to come. Or, what she thought was coming.
“No,” I finally said. “I’m going to do this on my own. If all goes well, the gathering of the army will have been for nothing. You have my sincerest apologies, Queen Irli, for disrupting your life here and asking so much of you and your kingdom.”
She stepped forward, and for a moment I couldn’t read the look on her face.
But she reached for my hand. “There is no apology necessary. Do you realize every single king and queen came here for the sole reason of boasting their wealth? And now? They’re a unified force, one that includes leaders from across the entire realm.
They have one purpose, and that purpose is goodness.
You are that goodness. The world needs more leaders like you.
If the cost of that is lending our city to your army, I’ll gladly open our coffers. ”
I couldn’t help the scoff that escaped from me. “With all due respect, Queen Irli, I do not believe I am the embodiment of goodness.”
A knowing smile pulled at her lips. “Queen Petra, I have spent ample time with hundreds of leaders throughout the years. I have seen the best of us and the worst of us. You, dear, are the best of us. And it is the sheer fact that you do not believe it that proves my point.”
I eyed her, the urgency of Cal pulling me toward the door, but Queen Irli’s energy grounded me for a few more seconds. “You’re so unruffled,” I said. “How?”
“I’ve already suffered the greatest loss a mother can suffer,” she answered, her smile turning sorrowful. “My greatest fear has been realized. Fear has lost its potency.”
I wanted so badly to flip the table on its side, to pull Ludovicus to his feet and watch recognition light Irli’s face, but it wasn’t my place. He kept my secret. I would keep his. “I’m sure he loved you very much,” I managed to whisper.
“I know he did,” she answered with a smile. “I just hope he knew how dearly I loved him. I believe if queens ruled the world instead of kings, there would be no use for blood magic. We wouldn’t send our children off to die on foreign soil. The world would be softer. Kinder.”
I pursed my lips, biting the inside of my cheek to keep the tears from my eyes. “I agree.”
She went silent for a moment, her mind somewhere far away. But then she squeezed my hand, offering another sad smile. “Come back to us here, yes?”
The only thing I could manage was a nod as I backed away, leaving Queen Irli in the kitchens, thinking she was alone.