Chapter Eight #2
He had so many questions but didn’t want her to feel uneasy about her decisions or self-conscious after everything that had happened.
He was curious why she was so uncomfortable leaving him alone with the hospital staff and wondered if something had happened when he’d been unconscious or if it was merely anxiety that he would get worse or be vulnerable.
What she saw as a nurse day in and day out, especially in places that didn’t have many resources available, must be heartbreaking and traumatic.
Sometimes the more knowledge someone had of a certain subject, the harder it was to let go and allow someone else to perform the task.
“What about you?” He tried to rein himself in but couldn’t stop touching her in small ways. A brush of his thumb over the back of her hand. Toying with the tips of her long hair. “Have you been seen by a doctor?”
“Yes, I was…examined when we first arrived. Had some tests.”
“I don’t blame you if you don’t want to talk about what happened with me, but I think you should know that the children who were rescued spoke of it after you fell asleep on the boat. They were worried about you and grateful for the sacrifice you made to keep them safe.”
“I was raped by one of the men.” Her voice was detached, clinical. “While his attention was diverted, I was able to access the knife on his belt loop. I killed him, then stabbed his friend before jumping into the river.”
The breath bottled in his chest. White-hot rage speared through him, and he clenched his fists, fighting for control.
Yes, he’d heard the events recounted on the boat but hearing it from Jane’s lips was so much worse.
“I’m so fucking sorry. That seems incredibly inadequate for what you went through.
What you’re still going through. I’ve seen humans do horrible things to each other, but crimes against women and children are the hardest to witness.
To even process. I wish we’d got there sooner.
That no one was able to put their fucking hands on you. ”
Jane shook her head. “And I wish you were never in the water. That you never got shot. We can’t go back in time, though. All we can do is move forward.”
He opened his mouth to speak before closing it again. There was a lot he wanted to say but wasn’t sure he had the right words.
“What is it?” Jane asked meeting his gaze.
“It’s just… You’re the bravest woman I know, and while I haven’t exactly been helpful these past two weeks, I want you to know you can lean on me.
I won’t pretend to have all the answers, especially about something so invasive and personal, but if you need to talk to someone or just rage at the world, I hope I can be that person for you.
What I’m trying to say is I know how strong you are, but you also don’t have to be.
Not with me. And if I’m not the right person to help, I want to be there to support you as you find someone who is. ”
“Thank you.” She squeezed his hand. “I should go get the nurse. Pain is making your blood pressure spike.”
“Don’t think it’s the pain. What those men—No, I can’t call them that.
Real men and women protect others, not cause trauma.
What they did was fucking abhorrent and the world is a better place without them.
I feel like my skin has been turned inside out and I want to go back to the and punish them for their crimes, but you’ve already taken care of that.
Your resilience, your bravery…it’s staggering, Jane.
” He hated the breathlessness in his voice.
The way it cracked and broke from weakness and misuse.
How drained he was after a mere conversation startled him.
She stared at him for a long moment, then lifted her hand to his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.
He didn’t miss how her arm shook or the tears that had gathered in the corners of her eyes.
“You’ve sacrificed a lot for me. A total stranger.
You would have every right to resent me for what you’re going through, but the first thing you did when you came out of unconsciousness was to be concerned about my well-being.
” Her voice was choked. “I’m not sure if you understand how rare that is. ”
“What you just said frustrates the hell out of me. What kind of man would I be if I felt resentful of the woman who has done nothing but help me from the moment we met? It hasn’t escaped me that for whatever reason, you don’t feel like you’re a priority.
I’m not sure who was careless with you, but my next mission—and I have a feeling it’s going to be the most important one of my life—isn’t going to be trekking through the desert to eliminate an HVT…
er, high value target. It’s going to be convincing you of how goddamn worthy you are of other people’s kindness, acceptance, and attention. ”
His words came out in a hard rasp, but he couldn’t help but feel defensive and protective of the woman at his side.
Even though he had a long recovery ahead of him, for the first time he was motivated by something other than a mission as a Navy SEAL.
He wasn’t sure what the future held for him and Jane, but he was determined to help her build healthy friendships, a network of people who both appreciated and supported her.
And of course, he’d have her back for as long as she let him.