Chapter Ten
Elsa glanced at Sam. They had crossed the Elbe River at dawn and had been walking ever since, slipping away from the other refugees so they could speak in English without fearing they would be overheard.
She’d quickly realized that although being with other people had, at first, felt safer and comforting, she could see Sam’s fear at being discovered and there was always the risk Klara might let it slip that he could not speak German.
She would rather talk to Sam than anyone else so they had slipped away from the others — and she’d been making up for it ever since.
‘I like to talk. Don’t you?’ she asked as he remarked on her enthusiasm.
‘I don’t have much to say.’
‘You can answer questions. That is not so hard.’
‘Do you have any questions?’
‘I have lots about you.’
‘About me?’
She nodded.
Sam’s quiet acceptance spurred her on.
‘I want to know everything about you.’
‘Why?’
Elsa guiltily wondered if she was more interested in Sam because she had cut his hair and beard to reveal the handsome man beneath. The sight had momentarily stolen her breath away.
‘Because it will pass the time.’ She asked her first question before he could stop her. ‘Had you walked far before we met?’
‘Why do you want to know that?’
‘So I can hand you over to the Gestapo,’ she teased. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him hide a smile. ‘You don’t believe I would?’
‘Once, maybe. But not now.’
She found herself drowning in the depth of his gaze. It was a reckless, delicious feeling she had never experienced before. She blinked, turned away and feigned a sudden interest in the horizon.
‘You never answered my question, Elsa.’
She attempted a shrug, ‘I thought I was asking the questions.’
‘I didn’t agree to that.’
She pulled at a long, swaying stem by the side of the track and teased its seeds free. ‘I know so little about you. I think I would like to know more.’ She spoke to Klara in German and Klara replied. She gave him a sideways glance. ‘Klara agrees. She wants to know more about you.’
Sam looked at Klara, who smiled back at him. ‘There isn’t much to tell.’
Elsa raised her eyebrows and spoke to Klara again, who replied straight away. ‘Klara says we could trade information. You answer our questions and I’ll answer yours.’
Sam considered her offer for so long that she nudged him in case his mind had wandered elsewhere.
‘Okay. Okay. You are both very persistent. Has anyone ever told you that?’
‘Persistent?’
‘It means that you don’t give up easily.’
She smiled proudly. ‘Yes, many people.’
‘Your English is good. Where did you learn it?’
‘At school. When I was twelve, the Nazis won the elections and soon after that English replaced French as the main foreign language. It was considered more . . .’ Her voice trailed away to a whisper.
‘Aryan.’ Her education and profession as a teacher flashed before her eyes, sapping her happiness in one sinister wave.
For the first time she acknowledged how profoundly the curriculum had changed during her childhood, from normality to the idolization of Hitler and demonization of the Jewish people.
The teachers who had tried to continue in the old ways had not remained in their jobs for long.
As a student, she hadn’t been fully aware of this.
As a teacher it was difficult to miss. How had she managed to stay?
Because you went along with it! a voice screamed in her head.
She threw the grass stem away, as if by doing so she was tossing her dark thoughts away too.
‘Later, I secretly listened to the Empire Service. At first it was because I wanted to speak English more fluently, but I became intrigued by how different they were to our own broadcasts. When war broke out it became a treasonable offence to listen to outside broadcasts, so I stopped.’
‘Didn’t you wonder why they wanted you to stop listening?’
‘Because they were the enemy,’ she replied, surprised by his question.
His silence was condemnation of her easy acceptance and she felt the heat of humiliation rise to her face. She decided to change the subject. ‘What type of work did you do . . . before all this?’
‘I wanted to be a vet. I’d been accepted for training but my girlfriend’s parents wanted to return to Kent, where they came from.
They wanted Moira to go with them. I could see that she was torn between staying with me or leaving with them.
I didn’t want her to have to choose, so I gave up my placement, left Cornwall and followed her to Kent. ’
‘Did you lose your training placement?’
‘Yes. I found lodgings in the area, did casual manual jobs during the day and applied for training places in the area at night. But when the war started, I was called up. I went from wanting to save animals to killing people in a matter of weeks.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘For what?’
‘For your dreams being taken from you.’
His eyes narrowed a little as he looked at her. ‘I’m not the only one to have their dreams crushed because of the war.’
Elsa wondered if he was seeing her own torn dreams or blaming her for his. Would she ever come to know him well enough to be able to understand him? She doubted it. Klara tugged at her coat and she translated what he had told her.
‘When were you captured?’
‘Who wants to know? Klara or you?’
‘Me.’
‘In 1940.’
She gasped. ‘I didn’t realize—’
‘You didn’t realize what? That I’d spent the last four and half years doing nothing while others risked their lives?’
‘You sound angry that you were not fighting.’
‘I’m not angry. I feel guilty that I was captured. Guilty that I did not fight. Guilty that I did not escape sooner.’
‘How did you get captured?’
‘I was taking part in the rearguard action near Dunkirk.’
‘I don’t understand. What is rearguard?’
‘Defending our troops from behind as they retreated to Dunkirk.’
‘Then you helped save many lives.’
He fell silent as he considered her words. ‘It didn’t feel like that at the time. After I was captured I was taken to Poland.’ He looked at her quizzically.
‘What is it?’ she asked. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’
He shook his head. ‘It’s nothing.’
She stepped in his path, forcing him to stop. ‘No, it’s not. What is it?’
‘You won’t believe me if I tell you.’ He stepped around her and continued walking.
‘Tell me,’ she persisted.
‘We were taken to Poland by train. We stopped at a station on the way. There was a woman and a soldier on the platform.’
‘What happened?’
‘Nothing. The train moved off.’
‘Did you know the woman?’
He shook his head.
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Nor do I.’
‘Sam, what is it?’
‘You remind me of her.’
‘What station was it?’
‘I don’t know. It was nothing. I told you it was nothing.’
He did not want to elaborate and she could only imagine what it must have been like to be a prisoner and imprisoned for so long. She decided not to pursue it. ‘How did you escape?’
‘When the guards heard that the Russians were advancing, they started evacuating the camps and marching us west. It started in January. Many died along the way.’ He inhaled deeply. ‘Many friends died along the way. I knew I would be next if I didn’t escape. So, I ran.’
‘Then what?’
‘They shot me and I fell into a gully. They must have thought I was dead because they did not search for me. The wound was only minor but it got infected. I was ill for a while. I don’t remember how long. That farmer you met took pity on me. I would have died if it were not for his help.’
‘And then we met.’
‘Yes.’ He smiled at her. ‘Then we met.’
She translated his story to Klara, adding in English, ‘Not all Germans are bad then.’
Sam did not reply. Keen to drag him away from his dark thoughts, Elsa changed the subject.
‘My family and I moved to Gollnow from Bremen when I was thirteen. We have relatives there, so that is why we wanted to return. My mother and sister left a few weeks before me. My grandfather needed a little more persuading, so I stayed with him until we had little choice but to leave.’
‘Where is he now?’
‘He died on the way.’
‘I’m sorry. That must have been difficult for you.’
His unexpected sincerity touched her heart.
She looked away and stared at the flat green fields on the horizon, but in her mind she could see the mound of melting snow partially covering her grandfather’s frail body, exposing him to the elements more with each passing day.
What did he look like now? she asked herself.
‘I don’t want to think about it,’ she added abruptly. ‘My story is no different to many others. We have both lost people we care about, and I can’t help but ask if any of it was worth the suffering.’
‘And Klara? What is her story?’
‘She is my niece. Her story is my story. She has nothing to share.’
* * *
They had walked several hours in companionable silence, content to save their energy for the physical demands of their journey.
Gartow lay ahead, nestled against a tributary arm of the Elbe, offering civilization.
The village appeared untouched by the war, the neat redbrick houses lining straight, spacious streets.
Beyond the surrounding patchwork of trees and fields, the landscape eventually gave way to dense woodland stretching westward.
Elsa and Sam, with Klara on his back, approached the village with caution.
It was alluring as it represented the provincial tranquillity of a bygone Germany.
Four cows grazed quietly on a patch of grass near the centre, acknowledging their arrival with a brief stare.
Few people seemed to be around, and those who were went about their daily lives as if there was no war.
Elsa dragged the remaining coins from her pocket. ‘This is all I have left,’ she whispered under her breath. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’