Chapter 20 – Jaxon
The apartment was quiet, the kind of stillness that used to feel like a blessing. Now, it just felt… empty.
I leaned against the counter, nursing a half-empty glass of whiskey, my eyes drifting toward the hallway that led to her room.
The argument replayed in my head like a broken record — the sharp edges of her voice, the way she looked at me like I’d ripped the ground out from under her. And then the way she’d softened, the way she’d let me in after everything I’d done to push her away.
That damn woman. She was impossible. Impossible to argue with. Impossible to ignore.
Impossible not to care about.
I swirled the amber liquid in the glass, the chain I usually wore feeling oddly absent. I’d given it to her. I still wasn’t sure why. They weren’t just tags; they were a part of me, a constant reminder of everything I’d been through, everything I’d lost. And now, they were hers.
It had felt right in the moment — necessary, even — but now I couldn’t stop wondering if I’d gone too far. If I’d put too much of myself out there for her to see.
But then I thought about the way she’d looked at me when I clasped them around her neck. The way her fingers had brushed over the tags, reverent and unsure, like she knew exactly how much they meant.
The way her eyes had softened, her walls cracking just enough for me to see the parts of her she kept hidden from everyone else.
I didn’t regret it. Not really. Because for the first time in years, giving those tags to someone else — giving them to her — hadn’t felt like I was losing a piece of myself. It had felt like I was sharing it.
I downed the rest of the whiskey in one swallow, the burn doing nothing to dull the ache in my chest. I set the glass down harder than I meant to, bracing my hands on the counter as the realisation hit me all over again.
I’m in love with her.
Maddie wasn’t someone I could walk away from. She was impossible, infuriating, and everything I hadn’t realized I was missing.
There was no getting around it, no escaping it. Every time I tried to keep her at arm’s length, she found a way to burrow under my skin, like she belonged there all along.
And as much as it terrified me, I knew one thing for sure:
I was all in.
I hadn’t been oblivious to the fact that Maddie had heard the nightmares that plagued me every night. I’d heard her footsteps in the hall on some occasions, the soft rustle of the door when she’d hesitate before retreating to her side of the apartment.
She hadn’t said anything, but I’d caught the worried glances, the hesitation in her eyes whenever I’d wake up, drenched in sweat, disoriented and confused.
The night she walked into my room? That was something I wasn’t prepared for. I’d assumed she would continue to keep her distance, but when she walked in, when her touch had grounded me, something inside me snapped. It wasn’t just that she cared. It was that she understood .
She didn’t flinch when she saw me like that, vulnerable and broken in the middle of a panic attack. Instead, she stepped closer, her touch steadying me, her voice gentle. She was offering me something I hadn’t realized I needed: Comfort. But it wasn’t just the physical closeness that hit me — it was the quiet understanding in her eyes, the soft way she’d spoken to me, as though she was giving me space to crumble without judgment. She didn’t look at me like I was weak or broken.
I hadn’t realized how much I’d been waiting for someone to do that. To let me be human for once. To let me hurt.
The more she showed up, the more she cared, the harder it became to push her away. She was becoming everything I didn’t want to need, but damn if I didn’t need her. The way she’d held me, like she was never going to let go, had done something to me that I wasn’t sure I could fix. I didn’t know if I even wanted to.
Every time I thought about walking away, there was her face, that damn look in her eyes that said, “I’m not going anywhere.”
It hit me in ways I wasn’t ready for. The truth was, I hadn’t been prepared to need anyone — especially not someone like Maddie.
She’d been so damn vulnerable, standing there with her tear-streaked face and trembling hands when I said what I had said to her, with all the tact of a wrecking ball. And in that moment, I realized just how much of an idiot I’d been.
She made me feel out of control. Like no matter how much I planned, how much I tried to keep things in check, she was always there to throw a wrench in everything. She didn’t do it maliciously. She did it just by being her.
She was chaos and calm, all rolled into one maddeningly beautiful package. One minute, she was tearing me apart with words that cut deeper than I wanted to admit, and the next, she was in my arms, letting me hold her like she was the only thing keeping me steady.
I ran a hand through my hair, exhaling sharply. She didn’t even know what she’d done to me, how she’d cracked open parts of myself I’d spent years sealing shut.
Before Madeline, I could control everything. My emotions, my surroundings, the people I let in.
Now it felt like I was caught in her orbit, like every decision I made came back to her. And the scariest part? I didn’t hate it.
I hated the fear that came with it — the constant worry that something would happen to her, that I’d fail to protect her the way I’d failed so many others.
The soft creak of a door pulled me from my thoughts. I glanced up to see her stepping out of her room, her hair falling around her shoulders, wearing one of those oversized sweaters that made her look impossibly small and impossibly strong at the same time.
She saw me watching her and hesitated, her hand hovering on the edge of the doorframe.
“You okay?” she asked softly, her voice breaking through the quiet.
I nodded, my throat tightening as I watched her cross the room toward me. The dog tags hung around her neck, catching the light, and for a moment, I couldn’t look anywhere else.
She was wearing a part of me, and somehow, it didn’t scare me.
“I’m fine,” I said, my voice rougher than I intended.
Her eyes narrowed slightly, that familiar spark of determination flashing in them. “You don’t look fine.”
I huffed out a laugh, shaking my head. “That’s because you’ve been keeping me on my toes, Scout.”
Her lips twitched, the faintest hint of a smile appearing as she moved closer.
I leaned back against the counter, letting my gaze settle on her as she stood beside me, so close I could feel the warmth of her body. She was leaning against the counter too, her fingers curling lightly over the edge, her head tilted slightly as she studied me like she was still trying to figure out what was going on in my head.
I let my eyes drift lower, trailing over the oversized sweater that hung loosely off one shoulder, the soft fabric brushing against her thighs. It wasn’t much of a barrier—not for the way it clung to her, not for the way my imagination filled in the rest.
I’d bet anything she wasn’t wearing anything under it except a pair of panties. Probably cotton, plain and simple, but somehow sexy as hell because they were hers.
She trusted that oversized sweater to do the job of covering her up, but it wasn’t doing much to protect her from the way I was looking at her.
I tore my gaze back up to her face, my jaw tightening as I tried to keep my thoughts in check. She caught me staring, and her lips twitched, a faint blush creeping up her cheeks.
“What?” she asked, her voice soft but laced with curiosity.
“Nothing,” I said quickly, too quickly, and her eyes narrowed slightly.
“Doesn’t look like nothing,” she countered, her tone teasing but edged with that spark that always made it impossible to lie to her.
I exhaled, dragging a hand through my hair as I gave up the pretence of hiding anything. “You’re just… I don’t know.”
Her brow arched, and she shifted her weight, the movement drawing my attention back to her bare legs. “You don’t know?” she repeated, her voice light but questioning.
“You’re distracting,” I admitted, my voice low and rough. “You walk out here looking like that, and you expect me to focus on anything else?”
She glanced down at herself, tugging slightly at the hem of her sweater. “What, this?” she said, feigning innocence, though the faint smirk playing on her lips betrayed her. “It’s just a sweater, Jax.”
“It’s you ,” I said, my words sharper than I intended, but I didn’t back down. “It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, Scout. It’s you. Everything about you.”
She shifted again, her fingers tightening on the counter’s edge, like she wasn’t sure whether to step closer or retreat.
I took a step toward her, closing the space between us until I was just a breath away. My hand reached out, brushing lightly against the hem of her sweater, my fingers grazing the bare skin of her thigh.
“You don’t even realize what you do to me,” I murmured, my voice dropping lower. “How much space you take up in my head. How much I…”
The words caught in my throat, too heavy, too real, but I let my hand linger on her leg, grounding both of us in the quiet tension hanging between us.
Her lips parted, her gaze flickering to where my hand rested before meeting my eyes again. “Jaxon,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.
I leaned in, close enough that her breath mingled with mine, my fingers tracing slow, lazy circles against her thigh. “Yeah, Scout?”
She didn’t answer right away, but the way her body softened, the way her eyes held mine, told me everything I needed to know.
Her chest rose and fell in uneven breaths, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as her eyes locked onto mine. The way she looked at me — like I was the only thing tethering her to this moment — sent a fire racing through me, burning away the last of my restraint.
Her voice came out low, breathless, trembling with urgency. “If you don’t fucking touch me right now, I think I might die.”
The words were a plea and a challenge all at once, stealing the air from my lungs. My pulse thundered in my ears, and for a second, I couldn’t move, caught between disbelief and the overwhelming need to do exactly what she wanted.
“You think I’d let you sit here,” I murmured, leaning in until my lips were just a breath from hers, “looking at me like you are and saying things like that, and not touch you?”
Her breath hitched, her lips parting, but she didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. Her body said everything — leaning into me, her hands gripping the counter so tightly her knuckles were white, her legs shifting just enough for me to step between them.
“Madeline,” I growled, my voice rough as I slid my hands to her hips. “You have no idea what you’re asking for.”
Her eyes locked onto mine, blazing with heat and challenge. “Maybe I do.”
That was all it took to shatter the last shred of restraint I had left. I gripped her waist firmly, lifting her effortlessly as her legs wrapped around me. Her thighs tightened against my hips, drawing me closer as I set her down on the cool surface of the counter.
Her body pressed against mine, soft and warm, and I couldn’t stop the low growl that rumbled in my chest as I felt the heat of her through the thin fabric separating us. My cock ached, straining against my jeans, and when I shifted, the pressure of her grinding against me made me bite back a curse.
My hands slid up her thighs, pushing the hem of her sweater higher, exposing more of her soft, bare skin to my touch. I couldn’t stop myself, couldn’t hold back the way I gripped her hips and pulled her even closer, grinding against her again, harder this time. Her gasp was soft, breathless, and it went straight to my head.
Her arms looped around my neck, pulling me in until our bodies were flush.
She let out a shaky exhale, her nails grazing the back of my neck as she whispered, “Jax…”
It wasn’t a plea this time — it was a dare.
I leaned in, my forehead resting against hers, my fingers pressing into her skin like I needed to anchor myself. “You’re gonna be the death of me,” I muttered , my lips brushing against hers, my voice low and unsteady.
Her laugh was breathless, her lips curving against mine. “Then stop talking and kiss me already.”
I didn’t need to be told twice. My mouth crashed into hers, capturing her lips with all the urgency, the frustration, the want that had been building for weeks, maybe months now. She kissed me back just as fiercely, her hands fisting in my shirt, pulling me closer like she couldn’t get enough.
My hands slid higher, gripping her hips and pulling her to the edge of the counter until there wasn’t a sliver of space between us. Her legs tightened around me, her nails digging into my shoulders as I deepened the kiss, tasting the desperation, the fire that had always simmered between us but was now threatening to consume us both.
“You’re impossible…” I muttered, my voice low and rough as my lips found the curve of her neck. I kissed her there, letting my teeth scrape lightly against her skin just to feel the way her body shuddered beneath me.
She tugged at my shirt, her fingers curling into the fabric like she couldn’t get close enough. “Stop holding back,” she whispered, her voice barely audible but laced with urgency.
Her words were all the permission I needed. I grabbed the hem of my shirt, yanking it over my head in one quick motion, her hands immediately finding their way to my chest. Her touch was warm, insistent, as her fingers traced the lines of muscle, her nails scraping just enough to make me shiver.
I slid my hand beneath her sweater, my palm skimming over the bare skin of her waist, higher until I felt the curve of her ribs beneath my fingers. Her back arched into my touch, her body pressing against mine.
I wanted her — every part of her — and the way she responded to me only made that want sharper, deeper.
“Jaxon,” she murmured, her voice trembling, her hands gripping my shoulders as I trailed my lips along her jaw, down the curve of her neck. “Please.”
The sound of her pleading, the way she said my name — it was my undoing. I pulled back just enough to look at her, my hands framing her face as I took her in. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen from my kisses, her eyes glassy with need. She was beautiful, irresistible, and completely mine in this moment.
Her words ignited something primal and uncontrollable, stripping away the last threads of restraint I’d been holding onto. The fire in her eyes burned with a challenge, and I knew she was fully aware of the chaos she’d just unleashed.