CHAPTER TWELVE ~ ABBY ~ FOURTEEN YEARS AGO #4
Staying would make it even harder to say goodbye.
And yet, at this point, it’s a given I’m going to miss Graeme, just like it’s a given I’m going to miss Scotland.
Both he and this place feel like home. Whether I leave the day after tomorrow or in a couple of weeks, I’ll have to learn to adjust to life without him.
“If I stayed, what would that look like for us?” I ask.
“What would you want it to look like?”
My cheeks tingle with heat. The soft smile on Graeme’s face tells me the blush is visible. “More of this,” I say, squeezing his hand. “And...more kissing.”
His gaze dips to my lips and lingers there for a moment before returning to mine. “I like the sound of that. What other hesitations do you have about staying?”
“I don’t know how Drew would react. She’s already struggling with the idea of us living apart, even though we’ll technically be in the same city.”
“I have a feeling she’ll be surprised and maybe even shocked, but she always supports you, no matter what,” Graeme says. “Consider it practice for living apart. When you move to Toronto, you won’t see each other every day like you have the last four years.”
“Right,” I say slowly. “And...would we let them believe we’re still just friends?”
“Does that mean we’re more than friends now, Pumpkin Spice?” he asks with a lopsided grin that makes my stomach clench.
I shove his shoulder with my free hand, and he chuckles. “I don’t know what we are. It’s kind of a grey area.”
“Fitting, considering where we are.” He motions toward the window, where the grey sky is visible over a row of grey buildings.
“I know you tell Drew everything, just as I tell Brodie everything, but maybe we don’t need to tell them about this.
Not keep it secret necessarily, just...let it be something for us and only us. ”
Feeling antsy, I slip my hand from Graeme’s and get to my feet.
I pace around the room before gravitating toward the window.
The rainbow over Arthur’s Seat is gone now, and the sky is full of fluffy clouds.
Graeme was right earlier when he said I was a sunshine girl; I’ve always loved sunny days and blue skies.
The grey and rain of Edinburgh don’t bother me, though.
With its old-world charm, it’s an atmospheric city that lends itself nicely to rainy days and moody skies.
I might grow tired of it eventually and crave more sun, but we’re not talking about anything long-term here.
Graeme is asking for a couple more weeks, and I’m dangerously close to agreeing.
I sense him behind me a second before his hands settle on my shoulders. He kneads my tense muscles as he leans in to nuzzle my neck, the roughness of his stubble soon replaced by his soft lips.
“You’re making it hard to think,” I tell him.
“Want me to stop?” he murmurs, his breath tickling me and causing goosebumps to race along my skin.
“No.” I turn to face him. His hands fall to my hips while my arms wind around his neck. “You know this could be a colossal mistake, right? Not me staying, but us doing this.” I wave a hand, even though he can’t see it, then bury my fingers in his thick hair.
He closes his eyes and bends so his forehead rests against mine. “If you agree to stay, I think we’ll need to resolve to live in the moment and take things day by day. We can act like there’s no end date, and just enjoy our time together.”
Thoughts spin around my mind, plaguing me with uncertainty.
One thing I’m certain of is that I could end up with regrets either way.
If I go home with the others, I’ll always wonder what could have happened if I’d stayed.
And if I stay...well, I could fall more in love with Graeme, jeopardize one of the most important relationships in my life, and then return to Canada on my own to pick up the pieces. Which is worse?
Graeme has eased back and is studying my face now.
His shoulders are tense beneath my hands, and his forehead is creased.
I’m not sure whether he sees my resolve weakening or if he hopes a kiss will be the deciding factor, but when he leans in, I meet his lips eagerly with mine.
We cling to each other, fingers digging into hips and shoulders as if we’re clinging onto this moment. Onto what could be if I just said yes.
We’re both breathless when we pull apart. Hope lights Graeme’s beautiful blue eyes as they search my face once more. “Live in the grey area with me for a wee while longer, Abby. Let me love you until it’s time to say goodbye.”
A wave of emotion swells inside me, pushing my heart into my throat and moisture into my eyes. How could I possibly say no to an entreaty like that? And why would I want to when I don’t have to?
A giggle tickles the back of my throat and spills past my lips as I nod, unable to form words.
Graeme huffs out a laugh and tightens his hold, lifting me off my feet.
My thoughts are still spinning, but as Graeme brings his mouth back to mine, everything else, including any lingering uncertainty, fades away.