CHAPTER EIGHTEEN ~ ABBY ~ FOURTEEN YEARS AGO #3
Later, when we’re lying in each other’s arms, Graeme strokes my hair as I fight off sleep. I want to stay awake all night and not waste a second of our last few hours together, but the activities and emotions of the day are catching up to me.
“I’m taking you to the airport tomorrow, as planned,” he says. “I know it’ll be difficult to say goodbye, but—”
“It’ll be difficult no matter where we do it,” I say, cutting him off. “And I want to spend every possible second with you before I go. I really am sorry about earlier.”
“Let’s call it temporary insanity and forget about it, aye?”
“Aye,” I echo, drawing a smile from him, just as I’d hoped.
* * *
My sweaty hand clings to Graeme’s as we enter Edinburgh Airport. I was tempted to say goodbye to him in the parking lot, where we had a modicum of privacy, but after my temporary insanity last night, I couldn’t stand the thought of parting ways any earlier than necessary.
After helping me find where I need to go to check in, he pulls me aside, out of the way of the heaviest foot traffic.
“I put some of your favourite snacks in your carry-on,” he says.
I was braced for an emotional speech, and now I laugh at the unexpected statement. “Thank you.”
“I would have packed you a can of Irn Bru if it weren’t for the liquid rules in security, so...” He turns my hand over and places a couple of pound coins in my palm. “For the vending machines.”
This time, my laugh sounds more like a sob.
Graeme looks pained, despite his valiant effort to maintain a smile.
Under the fluorescent airport lights, he looks pale and tired.
We didn’t get much sleep last night; I caught a second wind after he informed me he’d be taking me to the airport, and despite him saying I should rest, I told him I’d rather soak up our last few hours together and then sleep on the plane.
“One more thing.” He pulls a small jewellery box from his jacket pocket and removes the lid before presenting it to me. Nestled in a bed of tissue paper is a silver necklace with a pendant featuring two intertwined hearts with a yellow stone in the centre, topped with a crown.
“It’s a Luckenbooth,” he says. “It’s a symbol of love and loyalty. I was going to get one with a diamond since that’s your birthstone, but when the shopkeeper told me the yellow stone was Scottish marble, it seemed fitting.”
“I love it, Graeme. Thank you so much.” My voice is barely above a whisper. With shaking hands, I free the necklace from the box and hand it to him to put it on for me. Once it’s fastened, he turns me around and plants his hands firmly on my shoulders.
There’s a clock on the wall behind him, and each tick of the second hand is like a hammer ringing through my mind.
My hands are still shaking, and I suspect the rest of me is too.
A voice inside me shouts that I’m making the worst mistake of my life, which makes me feel as if I’m going to burst out of my skin.
Graeme takes a slow, deep breath. “Well, I guess—”
“I’m sorry,” I blurt. “I’m so sorry. I wish things were different. I wish I were different.”
He shakes his head. “No, a ghràidh, you’re perfect just as you are.”
I sputter out a bewildered laugh. “How can you say that when I’m the reason both of our hearts are breaking right now?”
He cups my face with one hand. “Because I love you,” he says, like it’s the simplest thing in the world.
“How do we do this?” I ask. “We can’t just switch off our feelings once I get on the plane.”
His shoulders slump with the force of his sigh. “We both knew the risk we were taking, and that’d end up having our hearts broken. But I asked you to let me love you until it was time for you to go, and you did that. We did that. Now...well, now we’ll go back to being friends.”
“The best of friends,” I say in a choked whisper.
His lips twist in a bittersweet smile. “Aye, the best of friends. Always. I meant what I said last night: this isn’t the end, and it isn’t goodbye. We’ll always be in each other’s lives, and we’ll always love each other, just in a different way.”
I grip his shoulders and lift up on my toes so I can press my mouth to his.
I mean for it to be a short kiss, but I should have known better.
This may not be goodbye in the final sense, but we don’t know when we’ll see each other again, and it’s safe to say nothing will ever be the same.
And so we cling to each other, pouring all our love, longing, and everything we’ve left unsaid into this last kiss.
I feel like I’ve run a marathon by the time we release each other. “I love you, Graeme.”
“I love you too, Pumpkin Spice.”
I laugh, loving him just a little more for ending this with laughter to accompany the tears.
I collect my things from the floor, touch the Luckenbooth resting on my chest, and blow Graeme a kiss before walking away.
The weight of his gaze on my back is a physical sensation as I stride to the check-in counter.
I allow myself one last look back. Our eyes lock, and I know with complete certainty that I’m leaving my heart in Scotland.