30. Kendall
Kendall
It’s nothing and everything. It’s such a simple thing, really, him making dinner, taking care of us, showing up. I have half a mind to pinch myself and make sure he’s real and not some dream I’m going to wake up from.
Kai is standing over the tiny stove in my kitchen stirring gnocchi or tortellini.
Whatever it is, it smells amazing. He’s even wearing my Breaking Bad apron that says “Let’s cook” for fuck’s sake, an apron that I have never once put to good use.
Until now. He looks good, really good cooking for us in my kitchen.
Like he-is-the-only-thing-I-want-for-dessert good.
But I shut that part of my brain off, remembering the conversation we had on our date.
No sex until we trust each other. God knows when that will be.
He turns around to look at us and smiles, some of his dark hair falling in his eyes.
Akio and I continue to make “ingredients” for dinner out of Play-Doh and it’s in this moment that I wish I hadn’t waited so long to let Kai into our life.
Because it’s becoming more and more clear that he belongs here, with us.
Perhaps he always has. I hope he knows that, that he can feel it too.
After dinner, Kai suggests getting craft hot cocoa from one of the cafés down the street.
They have all sorts of signature drinks like a gigantic hot chocolate that comes with an actual s’more on top of it.
It’s late, we’re all stuffed from the delicious meal Kai made, and by the time we get home, it will be past Akio’s bedtime and he will be all hopped up on sugar.
I try my best to reason with them, but my attempts are futile and I’m outnumbered.
Akio’s pleading face alone would be enough to sway me.
But both of them together? It’s a done deal.
A half hour later, Kai is putting in our order at Cocoa Loco while Akio and I find a cozy table. As soon as we sit down and rest our backs on the metal chairs, I spot a familiar face approaching us at a clip. Fuck. Doctor Beckett, well, Julian Beckett to me. At least he used to be.
Julian Charles Beckett III reeks of privilege and belongs to a family that comes from old money.
Filthy rich, one percent kind of money. The kind that easily paid for his undergraduate tuition and shelled out hundreds of thousands of dollars for med school.
He and I are not the same; we don’t lead similar lives.
And even if we could, there was one major barrier in our way.
And yet, I stayed with him for months longer than I should have.
Hindsight, I guess.
Julian is dreamy in the way 90s teenage heartthrob Heath Ledger was dreamy.
Golden locks, always perfectly coiffed, arresting crystal blue eyes, a strong sharp jaw, and the kind of dazzling smile that makes your core tighten.
Not to mention he has the charm and ego to back it up.
I’m sure he’ll make some woman very happy one day but it won’t be me.
Because for all that he could offer, for all that he was, he still wasn’t Kai.
“Kendall, hey,” he says warmly.
“Hi,” I respond a little too loudly. My eyes flick nervously to Kai and thankfully, his back is still facing us.
Panic starts to bloom in my chest, especially since I didn’t exactly tell Kai the truth about Julian.
I get up to hug him at the same time he bends down to place a kiss on my cheek and I wish right then I could die of embarrassment.
He smiles politely, ignoring my awkwardness.
Julian looks, well, he looks great. And, I, of course, look like a frazzled, exhausted mother of a two-year-old.
“So, how are things? How are you guys?” he asks standing straight, hands in the pockets of what are no doubt very expensive jeans.
“We’re good, everything is good. How are you?” Just as he starts to respond, Kai appears with our drinks, setting them down on the table and interrupting our less-than-ideal exchange.
“Uh, Julian this is…my…well, this is Kai.” I stumble over my words with a mixture of nerves and uncertainty. Because honestly, what the hell are we even and how are we supposed to explain it to people?
Kai glances uncomfortably from me to him and finally extends his hand.
“Ah, Kai, I’m Julian, nice to meet you,” he says with way more enthusiasm than I would expect from an ex-boyfriend.
“How do you two know each other?” Kai asks deliberately, although I suspect he already knows the answer.
“We know each other from the hospital. I had Akio as a patient once or twice,” he explains with an easy grin, conveniently leaving out the part where we dated for five months. But why would he do that? Why come to my rescue when our breakup was less than amicable?
“Anyways, it was good to see you guys, Kendall. Enjoy your hot chocolates. Nice to meet you, Kai,” he turns and walks back towards his table, where a beautiful brunette is waiting for him.
***
“So, that’s your ex.” A statement, not a question.
“That’s my ex,” I confirm, hoping we can blow past this awkward encounter, knowing I would never be that lucky.
“The arrogant doctor?” he presses, crinkling his brows.
“Yupp. Listen, can we please not talk about this now? We had such a great day together. Let’s talk about it later or preferably never,” I plead.
“Fine, later, but I need the abridged version now,” he concedes. His face is a portrait of nonchalance, but his tone is unrelenting.
“Fine,” I huff. “The SparkNotes version is that he wanted more than I could give him. And ultimately, we just didn’t want the same things.”