82. Kendall
Kendall
Days go by and doctors and nurses shuffle in and out.
We spend the time playing cards, watching reruns of The Office, and when no one else is around, snuggling together in the cramped hospital bed.
He receives enough flower arrangements and fruit baskets to last a lifetime.
They start to overtake the small room to the point where we have to give some away to hospital staff.
His mom and dad visit every day, his sister and brother coming a few times a week.
Jonah, Jax, and a few other teammates trickle in to check on him two weeks after his surgery.
He perks up a little when he interacts with them, but I can’t help feeling like he’s trying to distance himself from me.
Like there’s something dreadful and unspoken between us.
We don’t really discuss anything real, anything meaningful, and I don’t bring up the kidnapping or assault for fear of triggering him.
He’s slipping away from me, I know it. And I don’t know how to bring him back.
A few days before he is supposed to be discharged, I decide to bring Akio to visit him in the hospital. When I leave Kai’s room, his dad is waiting just outside, leaning against the wall.
“Oh hi,” I say sheepishly, pulling the door shut behind me. “I’m going to pick up Akio and bring him to the hospital to visit in about an hour.”
He turns to me and starts wringing the back of his neck with one hand. His eyes remain glued to his feet for a few moments. “We’ll make ourselves scarce then,” he replies.
“No, I mean you can meet him, you both can. I just wanted you to have the heads up.”
He studies me for a beat. “You would let me meet him after what I did?” he whispers, his voice low.
“Yes. Kai is going to forgive you eventually and I did a long time ago,” I admit.
“I wouldn’t be so sure. He’s barely spoken to me since he woke up.” But it’s not on me to appease his dad and absolve him of his guilt. He needs to repair those things himself. When I remain silent, he sighs through clenched teeth. “I never did explain myself to you or apologize, Kendall,” he says.
“No, it’s okay. Really it’s fine—"
“No, it’s not. Please, let me just finish,” he insists. And his dad has always been a man of few words—the fact that he had even spoken to me this long is telling.
“Okay,” I acquiesce. Even though it isn’t the time or place and even though I still have residual shame and anger from his actions. Because he doesn’t deserve to be punished forever and he is Akio's grandfather.
“It was never about you. I was trying to protect Kai, his future. And I didn’t go about it the right way.
I know I hurt you, both of you a lot. I wish I could take it back.
But I am sorry. I’m so sorry and I hope one day you’ll allow me to be part of Akio's life. I’ll do whatever is necessary to earn that privilege. ”
“Thank you. I appreciate that,” I acknowledge. Right then, an alarm blares in the distance and a horde of doctors and nurses rush past us and toward the sound. I hold my breath as I watch them hurry by Kai’s room. As soon as they turn the corner, a wave of relief passes over me.
How sick does that make me? How incredibly single minded?
“You know, once upon a time, I thought you were a threat to Kai, his undoing. That you would cause him to lose focus. But I realize my error now. You, Kendall, are his heart, his Anela.”
I try to suppress a smile but it takes over my face anyways.
This is high praise coming from him. Anela and Takura have always been deeply in love since we were kids.
And it seems like that bond has only strengthened with time.
I suppose it would have to in order to endure all the things they’ve survived together.
“You know, I’m not the only person who needs to hear these things. You need to talk to Kai,” I urge him.
“I know. I will.” He scrubs his hand over his stubble, pinning me with a serious stare.
“I needed the money,” he says so quietly I’m not even positive I heard him correctly.
I can tell there’s more but he’s trying to decide if he can trust me with it.
“We were going to lose the house, after a malpractice lawsuit went south and I didn’t know what else to do.
Amy needed a deposit for college and I couldn’t pay the mortgage.
I told Kai I needed a loan from him shortly after he joined the league.
He thought it was for home improvement projects. ”
“And you couldn’t have told him all this somehow either before or after you approached me about an abortion?” I demand.
“No. Because all I had left was my pride and I couldn’t give that away too.
” How alone and out of control his father must have felt to submit to that level of desperation.
I see a trace of remorse and guilt on his face, two feelings I have never associated with Kai’s father.
How was Takura supposed to explain to Kai that he had failed him, that the power balance had shifted, that he was now responsible for cleaning up his father’s mess?
I still can’t rationalize his behavior, but this does make it more palatable.
“So why are you telling me this?” I wonder.
“I just wanted you to understand it was never about you. It was my own stupidity and selfishness. And maybe it’s easier to confess to someone I barely know than my own flesh and blood. You already hate me; you might as well know the full truth.”
“I don’t hate you.” He doesn’t say anything, just gives me a tight lipped smile. But then something strange and unnerving occurs to me.
“Why did you offer me money if you needed it so badly?” I blurt out. This is probably my only opportunity to get closure and answers from him, I might as well use it to my full advantage.
“I knew you wouldn’t take it,” he answers. Sure. Certain.
“How?”
“Because you’re good,” he emphasizes, a small smile forming in the corner of his mouth. “You always have been. I knew coming there and expressing my fears was probably enough.”
“Will you tell Kai?” I prod.
“In my own time, yes. I think right now it’s best for me to respect his wishes and keep my distance from Akio though. But I do want to meet him when things…” he trails off, struggling to come up with the words.
“When things settle a bit?” I offer. He nods.
“Thank you, Kendall, for listening to me,” he says in parting before heading in to see Kai.