Chapter Six
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THOMAS FELT LIKE HE was about to throw up.
Hell, maybe he was about to throw up. He was pretty sure that the only reason he hadn’t was that he hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning.
Last night’s dinner might make an appearance, though, which wasn’t something Thomas wanted to deal with. He had an exam to pass.
He stared at the building in front of him. Whatever happened in there would decide his future. He was maybe being a little dramatic, but it felt like it. He’d studied for months for this. He’d exhausted himself. He needed it to go well, and he wasn’t quite sure how to make that happen.
He swallowed. He could do this. He knew he could, and when he was done, he could stop obsessing over books and math and start obsessing over Rowan.
That was something he was already doing, but it was a little hard to focus on his future and Rowan when he was consumed by thoughts of the exam.
That was what he should focus on. Once he was done with it, he wouldn’t have to think about it again.
That meant he needed to pass. He had better things to do than keep studying for weeks.
Thomas wasn’t sure if he and Rowan were together.
Could what was going on between them be called a relationship?
They worked together and were close, and obviously, they’d kissed and had agreed to date, but they hadn’t yet.
They’d also agreed to wait until Thomas was done with his GED, and he almost was.
That meant that once he was out of the building, he could tell Rowan that he was ready to date him, and that was enough to push him to unhook his seatbelt and leave the car.
That and the fact that if he didn’t, he was going to be late, and that was the last thing he wanted.
He grabbed his bag from the car, closed the door, and locked it.
He took a deep breath, then another. When he heard a car park next to his, he turned toward it, relieved to see it was Rowan.
They’d agreed to meet in front of the building so that Rowan could be there for moral support, but Thomas wasn’t sure it had been a good idea.
The thought of Rowan being so close made him nervous, although in a different way.
He was always nervous when he was around Rowan.
It wasn’t a bad thing. It was just a thing, and he needed to learn to deal with it.
He supposed that would change once they got more comfortable with each other, but that wasn’t going to happen now, and Thomas wasn’t sure he needed to be even more anxious.
It was too late now, though. Rowan was getting out of his car, smiling and looking happy to see Thomas in a way that made Thomas want to kiss him.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up,” Thomas confessed.
Rowan shook his head. “No, you won’t. You’ll be fine.”
Thomas snorted. “How do you know?”
“You’re ready for this. You’ve been ready for weeks. I understand why you’re nervous, but you’re going to do just fine. Just think about how free you’ll feel once you leave that room.” He stepped closer. “We should go to the diner once this is over. We can celebrate.”
“Shouldn’t we wait to celebrate until I have the results?”
“We could, but I already know you’re going to pass.”
Thomas licked his lips. “What if I don’t?” he asked in a whisper.
Rowan’s expression softened, and he reached for Thomas, gently squeezing his arm. “Then we’ll mope for the rest of the day, and tomorrow, we’ll get back to the books, and we’ll find another date for you to pass this exam.”
“You talk like you’re going to continue helping me even if I fail.”
“That’s because I will. I’m not the one taking the exam, but we’re in this together, Thomas.”
Thomas nodded. It felt good to hear, even though he’d already known it. “I want to date you,” he declared.
Rowan’s expression was soft. “I want to date you, too.”
“And I don’t want to wait anymore. I know I said I wanted to focus on my GED, and I do, but I don’t want to have to wait months to be with you if I fail. I don’t want our relationship to be a reward, not like this.”
“Then we’ll date. You worry too much, Thomas. I get where you’re coming from, but don’t go into this thinking you’re going to fail. It’s not going to help you.”
That was easier said than done, even though Thomas knew that Rowan was right. He wasn’t sure he could convince himself that he’d succeed, but at the very least, he could stop thinking that he wouldn’t.
“I’m pretty sure you need to get going,” Rowan said as he gently pushed Thomas toward the building. “I’ll be here when you’re done, all right? I’m sure you skipped breakfast, so we’ll go to the diner, sit down, and have a breakfast date.”
Thomas couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Rowan said, also smiling. “Now go in there and crush this exam.”
Thomas didn’t have a choice. He was done with books and math, which meant he needed to pass so he wouldn’t have to think about those ever again, or at least until he decided if he wanted to go to college.
He moved to leave, but Rowan was still squeezing his arm.
He gently pulled Thomas back, confusing him until Thomas felt the press of lips on his cheek.
His entire body flushed, which was ridiculous because it was just a kiss on the cheek, and he blinked at Rowan.
“You can do this, boyfriend,” Rowan said.
Thomas groaned. “I know you’re trying to distract me so I’ll stop freaking out, but how am I supposed to focus on anything now?”
“Well, maybe you can focus on what’s going to happen once you’re done. I’ll be waiting out here for you.”
And the sooner Thomas went in, the sooner he’d be done. Staying outside and allowing Rowan to distract him wasn’t going to help.
Thomas didn’t look back as he walked away.
He couldn’t afford to. He walked into the building, finding the room where he needed to go easily.
He wasn’t the only one there. A bunch of nervous-looking people were hanging around, some of them still revising, others looking like they might be about to throw up, just like Thomas felt.
Thomas decided to think about Rowan. He couldn’t get any more studying in, and thinking about the test made him nauseous.
It was best for him to think about his boyfriend.
And his family. Once this was over, Thomas would talk to them.
He’d tell them what he’d been up to, and hopefully, he’d also be able to tell them that he’d succeeded and that he had his GED.
He didn’t want to consider the possibility that he wouldn’t and that he might have to lie to them for a while longer.
He didn’t want to continue lying to them.
If he didn’t pass, he’d tell them anyway.
He wasn’t looking forward to it, and the thought made him almost as nauseous as the thought of the test, but Rowan had pointed out that Thomas had a lot of support and that he should use it, and he’d been right.
Thomas had a lot of support and love, and he realized how lucky he was.
Having to keep this secret had put some distance between him and his family, but that was over now. Thomas wanted it to be over now.
No matter how the test went and what the result was, Thomas would be fine.
He wouldn’t lose his job. He certainly wouldn’t lose his family.
They’d tell him he’d been an idiot, but what was new?
He was pretty sure that Seth thought he was an idiot several times a day, yet he still loved him and cared about him. That wasn’t going to change, either.
Thomas had thought that carrying the weight of this on his own was a good idea, but he could admit to himself now that it hadn’t been.
He’d made his life more complicated for nothing.
At the same time, his relationship with Rowan might be different if he hadn’t done all of it, and there was no way to change the past, anyway.
He didn’t need to change it. He just needed to focus on the future.
* * * *
ROWAN WATCHED THOMAS disappear into the building. His heart ached in a way he wasn’t used to.
He’d meant what he said. Thomas was ready for this, and if somehow the exam didn’t go the way Thomas hoped, Rowan would be there. That was what boyfriends did, wasn’t it? They showed up.
The word felt strange, but also right. Rowan had never been in a relationship before, but he was Thomas’s boyfriend now. They’d said it out loud, and Rowan couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face.
He leaned against his car, settling in to wait.
The exam would take a few hours, but Rowan didn’t mind.
He’d brought a book, though he doubted he’d be able to focus on it.
His mind kept drifting back to Thomas and how cute he’d been, even nervous.
His eyes had lit up when Rowan had called him boyfriend, which was why Rowan had done it in the first place.
Rowan had never felt this way about anyone before.
He’d had a few crushes in his old pack, but those had always felt almost like it was how he was supposed to feel because that was what was expected of him—that eventually, he’d have to choose a girl and marry her so they could have kids. It was what everyone in the pack did.
This thing with Thomas was different. It was real and terrifying and exciting all at the same time, and Rowan wasn’t sure how to deal with it.
The time passed slowly. Rowan tried to read, gave up, scrolled through his phone, gave up on that too, then did it again.
He thought about texting his sister to tell her about Thomas, but he decided to wait.
He wanted to introduce them properly, which might be a problem considering that she lived in Seattle and was incredibly busy.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Thomas emerged from the building. Rowan straightened immediately, searching Thomas’s expression for clues. He looked exhausted but also relieved, and when their eyes met, Thomas smiled.