Chapter Ten
JESS
When Luke comes dashing through the restaurant door at twenty past seven, the stools by the bar are empty. He looks around and the hopeful smile slides from his face. Even though I know he doesn’t know what I look like, I shift back in my chair, taking advantage of a potted palm.
The guy with the cashmere scarf is called Brandon, and he’s something big in commercial real estate, apparently.
I may have hijacked his blind date by letting him think I’m the person he’s supposed to be meeting, but seeing as another woman hasn’t turned up looking for him, I’m not feeling too guilty on her behalf.
Brandon is being classy and charming, and he thinks I’m the bee’s knees.
Why wouldn’t I want to have dinner with him rather than the man who just stormed out of my life, basically implying I’m not good enough for him?
Luke stands near the restaurant entrance with his hands on his hips, scanning the room for a full minute, the lumpy red, homemade scarf hanging round his neck, even though it’s May and he must be sweltering.
His nan always knits him something for Christmas.
It is always hideous. How a woman who’s been knitting for more than four decades can create such monstrosities I’ll never know.
It was one of the things I loved about Luke that he always wore what she made him, no matter how ghastly it was.
I almost feel sorry for him. I almost stand up and try to attract his attention.
But then I think about how this can’t possibly be real, how I’ve already lived this day once and it happened the way it happened.
Maybe I slipped and fell when I was chasing after Luke after our big party.
Maybe I’m in a coma. I read a magazine article a couple of months ago about a woman who had an accident the night before her wedding and had a traumatic brain injury.
While she was unconscious she had this long-running, ultra-realistic dream about how she married the best man instead.
Maybe this is something like that. Weirdly, I think I’d prefer to believe I’m just lying in a hospital bed rather than the alternatives: that I’m insane, dead or truly time travelling through my life.
I turn my attention back to my dinner companion. He’s talking about wine and literature and the opera. And it’s interesting. I’m enjoying his company, even if he’s quite probably a figment of my own imagination.
I see Luke pull out his phone, possibly to text me, so I thrust my hand into my bag and push the button to put mine on silent. I don’t want a loud ‘bing-bing’ to give me away when I’m only a handful of metres away from him.
He hovers near the bar in his stupid scarf tie for another fifteen minutes, looking like a lost puppy dog, and it’s a relief when I see a smudge of red in my peripheral vision as Luke and his scarf exit the restaurant and stride back in the direction of London Bridge Underground station.
I turn back to my substitute blind date to find him looking at me, an amused twinkle in his eyes. ‘You know, you’re not quite what I thought you’d be.’
‘I’m not?’
‘I think I was expecting … I don’t know, something more obvious.
’ He smiles again, and I take hope in the fact he doesn’t seem fazed or even disappointed.
‘But I did say I was prepared to be surprised, and I think I quite like the “secretly sexy librarian” approach. The red hair is a definite plus.’
What a weird thing to say. Is it a compliment? I think it is, but I honestly can’t tell.
What does ‘more obvious’ mean? I’m puzzling over there ‘secretly sexy librarian’ bit.
Do I look uptight? I know I can come off as a bit guarded sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to have fun.
Maybe I’ll just have to pick up the mood a bit, try and be a little more effervescent than I usually am.
When our starters are cleared away and the main courses are delivered, he stops asking me questions about myself and segues into a monologue about his work colleagues, especially his boss’s boss, who is in town for some big event.
It’s obvious Brandon is desperate to impress him.
And then just keeps droning on and on, for almost half an hour.
‘You are paying attention, aren’t you, Jessica?’
My eyes snap up to meet his. I’d been studying the dessert fork, thinking what a lovely shape it was. ‘Huh?’
‘You need to keep abreast of the names.’
‘Oh, God … sorry.’ He must have been able to tell I’d tuned out. How embarrassing.
He looks slightly peeved. ‘You might have to try a bit harder, especially since we’re going to be meeting up with them all later.’
‘I am? I mean, we are?’
Is it just me? Or has this evening taken a diversion into Weirdsville? I mean, who invites their work friends to the tail end of a blind date?
‘Yes.’ He’s getting more impatient now. ‘At the awards ceremony. For Young Property Developer of the Year.’
I look at him blankly.
He throws his napkin down on the table. ‘Oh, for God’s sake. Didn’t they fill you in on any of this? That’s not okay at all.’
I stammer something about not knowing anything about an awards ceremony. I can’t say why, can I? He’ll think I’m a total loser if he knows I just pounced on him and hijacked his blind date.
He sighs. ‘Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter, does it? That’s why I suggested dinner first. It gives us a chance to get to know each other a bit first before we rock up to the awards thing. I mean, we don’t want people to think we’re total strangers, do we?’
I laugh nervously. ‘We don’t?’
‘No. I want them to think you’re my girlfriend.’
I blink at him. I’m getting the feeling we’re living in parallel universes.
‘I suppose we could get to know each other a whole lot better if we went back to the hotel first.’ He places a hand on my knee and runs it up my thigh. Thank goodness my dress is long enough that he’s touching fabric and not my leg. ‘I don’t suppose anyone would mind if we were a few minutes late.’
I scoot back in my chair. ‘I don’t think so!’
He looks confused. ‘But … but I booked you for the whole night. I don’t know why you’re so surprised about this. And the fee is a bit pricey if all you’re going to do is be prim and have dinner with me.’
I stare back at him. I understand English, but somehow none of his words make sense. And then the penny drops. ‘You think … you think I’m an escort?’
He sits back in his chair. ‘Aren’t you?’
‘No!’
He lets out a small laugh. ‘But at the bar … You knew I was looking for you.’
‘I’m here for a blind date! Not to … to …’ I break off to shudder. Urgh. I can’t even say it. There is no way I’d ever sleep with this creep.
His face is a mask of shock. It would actually be quite funny if I wasn’t so grossed out. ‘Oh, my God … I’m … I’m so sorry!’ He looks around frantically. ‘But then where is the girl I’m supposed to be meeting?’
I throw up my hands. ‘How should I know?’
The woman he’s supposed to be meeting probably took one look at him and made a swift exit, having much better radar than I do for slimy idiots. I can’t believe I thought he was charming at first.
‘I’m going to go,’ I say, but he’s not paying attention. He’s tapping away a message on his phone, swearing under his breath as he does it. I stand up, shake my head, and make for the exit.
I’m just emerging from the ladies when I notice a pair of slim lift doors to my right. The sign above boasts, ‘Rooftop Bar’. I hit the button. So my ‘avoid Luke’ plan didn’t go exactly as planned – maybe I’ll take myself on a blind date and give up on men forever.
I’m standing on the roof terrace, a virgin mojito in my hand.
The upstairs bar of Rive Gauche is very swish.
It has an indoor area with folding glass doors that lead onto a large terrace that overlooks the cobbled roads surrounding Borough Market, Southwark cathedral availing itself as a backdrop.
People down below flow in and out of various restaurants, kissing each other in greeting or parting, and I feel alone and completely separate from them, as if I’m untethered from reality.
‘Jess?’
I freeze, my cocktail glass resting on my lip. I’d know that voice anywhere. Do I deny it, pretend I’m someone else, or do I turn?
I turn. Mainly because, after the day I’ve had, it’s such a relief to see someone who belongs in my present-day life.
‘Are you Priya’s friend?’
I nod.
He presses a palm to his chest. ‘I’m Luke. So sorry I was late! I thought I must have missed you. What luck to find you up here.’
What luck indeed.
He gestures to the space on the railing next to me. ‘Do you mind … ? Or am I in the doghouse?’
I consider it for a moment. He definitely still is in the doghouse, but …
I don’t know … Maybe it’s because everything has seemed strange and unfamiliar today but, even though he’s twelve years younger than he was the last time I saw him, he doesn’t.
He just feels like Luke. Safe. Constant. Until he wasn’t, of course.
But this Luke hasn’t walked out the front door without looking back. This Luke hasn’t told me he’s had enough of being married to me. In this moment, I am enough for him, and I had no idea how much I needed that or how long that feeling has been missing from my life.
‘It’s fine,’ I tell him. Because it is. For now.
He sighs with relief and smiles. ‘Actually, I just got here.’
I raise my eyebrows.
He looks a bit sheepish. ‘I spent the last hour barging through the doors of every restaurant and bar within a half-mile radius. Just in case I’d got the wrong restaurant.’
He looks so earnest, so heartfelt, that I want to take his face in my hands and kiss him, but I don’t.
This Luke and I are strangers. It strikes me that I always thought he went on this blind date because Ranvir pushed him into it, but if that was the case, he would have just heaved a sigh of relief and scurried off for the train home.
However, this man scoured Borough looking for me, which is no mean feat, seeing as how this foodie heaven is cluttered with eateries and watering holes of all types.
I smile at him. ‘I’m glad you did.’
After that, we fall into easy conversation, just as we did the first time around, talking about movies and books, work and, well, life.
It’s a relief for my overloaded brain to dive into a familiar dynamic.
At the end of the night, he walks me to the station and kisses me softly on my cheek.
Last time, I pulled on the lapels of his jacket and brought him closer, asking for more. This time, I let it stand.