Chapter Forty-Three
LUKE
Nine Weeks Before the Anniversary Party
‘What about this one?’ He and Hannah are perched on stools at the breakfast bar in her kitchen. He points to one of the pile of photographs spread in front of them.
‘Hmm … Not sure,’ she replies. ‘Let’s keep looking.’
They sort through piles of different photos and look at even more Luke has collected on his tablet in a special folder hidden away where his wife hopefully won’t find it. He’d hate to ruin the surprise.
He and Hannah chat about nothing – stupid things that have happened at work, mostly – but there’s something that’s been burning away at him that he needs another perspective on.
He was going to ask Elena when he saw her for their regular date later that week, but maybe he’s missing an opportunity here.
‘I need a second opinion on something … ’
Hannah looks up from the two photos she’s holding up, side by side. ‘I thought that’s what we were doing here, that you needed another brain to help you with Jess’s anniversary present.’
He shakes his head. ‘It’s something else. Something a little more … sensitive.’
She puts the photos down, sits up straighter and gives him her full attention.
He takes a deep breath and dives in. ‘I may have done something stupid.’
Hannah’s eyebrows rise.
‘I’ve been in contact with Jess’s mum, Alison.’
Her mouth drops open. Not a good sign. ‘You’ve spoken to her?’
‘Not yet. We’ve just texted a couple of times.’
Hannah’s mouth purses and she chews the inside of her lip, something he sees her doing frequently at work when she’s battling with a spreadsheet. ‘Does Jess know?’
He shakes his head. This is where he’s getting into ‘stupid’ territory.
‘But now Alison is saying she wants to meet up and I don’t know if I should.
’ He’s not sure about anything at the moment.
Should he confess all to Jess? Or should he just pull the plug and tell her mum it’s all been a horrible mistake?
‘Why now?’ Hannah asks. ‘What’s caused her to reach out after all this time?’
How much does he admit? He was so convinced he was doing the right thing when he sent the first text to his mother-in-law but hearing the admission in his head makes him second-guess himself. Will Hannah think he’s being disloyal?
‘Actually, it was the other way around.’
‘Oh … okay. Wow.’
He rubs his hand over his face. ‘I know what you’re thinking … but she’s been sober for a while now. And I know, no matter how much Jess doesn’t like to talk about it, that the absence of her mother leaves a huge hole in her life. I suppose I was just, um, testing the waters.’
‘Why do you think she wants to see you face to face?’
He shrugs. ‘Don’t know. But if I was going to hazard a guess, it would be that she’d like to be a part of her daughter’s life again.
And that might not be such a bad thing, you know?
If she’s stable and sober. Maybe she and Jess could turn over a new leaf.
But I won’t know unless I talk to her. So what do you think? Should I go?’
She thinks for a moment. ‘It’s hard to call without knowing what she has to say, so maybe you should hear her out.’
That’s what he’d been thinking. It’s tough to make a decision on whether to bring Alison back into their lives based on a handful of text messages.
‘Are you planning on telling Jess if you get to that point?’
‘Of course.’
Hannah messes around with the photos laid out on the breakfast bar. ‘I don’t know what to tell you, Luke, except tread carefully.’
‘You think it’s a bad idea?’
‘Possibly. Possibly not. Maybe you’re right, and her mother holds the key. Just … tell Jess when you need to, okay?’
He nods and they go back to perusing the photos that will eventually become part of his anniversary present to Jess. A sculpture is nice, but if he could give his wife healing, closure, wouldn’t that be even better?
He shuffles the pictures around and holds one up for Hannah’s opinion.
‘It’s a great shot of Jess, but it’s a bit blurry,’ she says, her forehead crinkling in thought.
‘Hang on … I think I may have some from your wedding day that will fit the bill. I can get one printed off at that place in the High Street if we need to.’ She fetches a laptop and clicks and scrolls until she finds what she’s looking for, then spins it around so he can see the screen. ‘What do you think?’
It’s a picture of Jess on their wedding day, joy sparking from her eyes, captured laughing as her veil blew around her face. ‘It’s perfect,’ he says.
‘And here’s one of you looking very handsome from the same day,’ she adds, clicking the mousepad a few more times. ‘If you put yours on the left and hers on the right, it’ll look as if you’re smiling at each other.’
He grins at her. ‘I never would have thought of that. See? This is why I shouldn’t have attempted to do this alone. Honestly, Hannah, I can’t thank you enough for giving up your precious free time to do this for me.’
She looks away and smiles. ‘It’s no problem, really. The least I can do after all you and Jess have done for me over the years.’
He gives her a gentle nudge with his elbow. ‘Even if you’re constantly calling me a tyrant at work?’
She chuckles. ‘Even then.’
But then she sighs and stares out over the gloomy grey garden the other side of the bi-fold doors separating it from her kitchen.
It’s been drizzling all day. He cocks his head to one side and studies her.
She looks sad, even though she was her usual, sunny Hannah self a few moments ago.
He hardly ever sees her like this, although he knows she’s been to hell and back in the last few years, and it brings to mind when Jess teases her best friend about her armour-plated fake grin.
‘Everything okay?’
She inhales, nods and turns to him. The smile she gives him is the definition of bulletproof. ‘I’m all right. It’s just … ’ She sighs again, shakes her head.
‘Just … ?’
‘It’s so lovely, all you’re doing for Jess.’
He frowns. ‘And that’s a bad thing?’
A small laugh escapes her lips but her eyes remain sad.
‘No. Definitely not. But I see all the effort you’re putting in to make her happy – trying to mend things with her family, creating this amazing, one-of-a-kind present, and I just realize that Connor never put half that effort in when it came to me. ’
He raises one eyebrow. ‘We have firmly established that Connor is an arsehole.’
That makes her laugh properly. But then her eyes go glassy. ‘Yes, but now I’m on my own, and I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who will do that for me.’
Oh, God. A bead of moisture escapes her lashes and rolls down the outside of her cheek.
It’s like kryptonite to him. He needs to do something.
Now. To stop her feeling this way. He gets off his stool, spins hers round until she’s facing him and wraps her in a brotherly hug.
She pats his back in thanks, exhales and then sinks against him.
‘You’ll find someone,’ he says softly. ‘I know you will.’
After a few moments, he senses her collecting herself and she pulls away and dabs under her lower lashes with the tops of her fingers. ‘You think?’ she says with a shaky laugh. ‘Because, if not, I can always go down to Foal Farm and rescue some cats. Twenty or so should do it.’
The smile is back. Bright. Tough. Sparkling. He admires her bravery, but he doesn’t say so, sensing it will cause her carefully erected shield to waver. ‘How about just starting with one? If you really want one, that is.’
She nods. ‘Maybe I will. But in the meantime … ’ She returns to her laptop and pulls up the photos of him and Jess she found earlier and positions them side by side. ‘Perfect couple, yes or no?’
‘Those are the ones,’ he agrees.
But ‘perfect couple’ is still a work in progress.