26. Jay
Chapter twenty-six
Jay
I lie awake, fighting sleep. An angel lies beside me, golden hair chasing her across the pillow. Even in sleep, her lips curve into a peaceful smile. She’s beautiful. I ghost a fingertip over her full cheekbones—not enough to disturb her, but enough to commit everything about this moment to memory. If this is all I get with Katy Keller, I want to remember it forever.
My dick has certainly been keenly aware of Katy for some time now, but now I know he can finish the job—and fuck, I want to do it again, and again. To hear those whimpers, to see the flush on her skin, the lust-blown pupils, the kiss-swollen lips. To see the ecstasy on her face when she falls apart for me, screaming my name.
My mind is racing with a million thoughts. All the reasons why this is a bad idea. All the reasons I should’ve stopped this before it began. All the reasons I should run now. There may only be eight years between us, but the differences in the lives we’ve lived make those eight years feel like a lifetime. And then I look down at her face: still and peaceful in sleep, unworried by the stresses of the world, and those thoughts fly out of the window.
Because this woman—this beautiful, smart, sexy, sunshine of a woman—believed in me enough to stay. She stayed even when I pushed her away. She stayed when I fell apart. And she stayed long after she picked up the pieces and put me back together. And with every brunch, every touch, every smile, I fell closer and closer to something that could be love. Something my bones are begging for me to call love.
And yet, the doubts still swirl in my mind. The nagging worry of burdening her with my issues. The fear of falling asleep beside her, of waking her with the flashbacks and terrors that still plague me on a near-nightly basis. The worry of what she’ll see when she looks at me, drenched in sweat and hunched over the bathroom sink, desperate to catch my breath and hold onto my stomach contents.
I snatch my phone from the bedside table, lowering the screen brightness and angling it away from her face to protect her from the glare.
Jay
can I ask you a personal question
Cam
I’m not sending you a dick pic
Jay
good
Ruth said it took you and Amie a while to get your shit together. What held you back?
Cam
a lot of things
Not easy to have a relationship with this job. I’m never in one place for long. I’m always leaving. Always moving.
You probably know a bit about that too. It’s ruined relationships for me before.
But then there was the age difference. The distance. Shes always moving too. It was hard for both of us to get our heads around it.
Oh yeah. Add in a toddler too. Like everything else wasn’t already enough.
You know Phoenix to London is 5000 miles?
Jay
but you did get your heads around it
Cam
yeah we did
never been happier
Jay
and the distance? The age gap? Are they problems for you?
Cam
I mean, she hasn’t seen a ton of important movies because she wasn’t born when they came out, which is kind of a travesty.
AND she keeps calling me “old man”…
Jay
please don’t tell her I’m older than you
Cam
don’t worry I gave her a good spanking
Jay
Sorry I asked
Cam
why all the questions anyway? Got a secret girl?
Jay
Just curious.
Cam
Yeah. Okay. Whatever.
Wanna show me the car soon? I’ll text u my schedule
Jay
Sure.
Cam managed to work things out with Amie, despite everything stacked against them. Some of the same things that are stacked against me and Katy.
It’s only been a couple of months since we met. It’s hard to believe we haven’t been in each other’s orbit forever—the way she’s worked herself through my heart and into the marrow of my bones. The way she’s opened my eyes to so much—so much about the world around me, but about myself, too. The way she never judges, just listens with a patient ear and a serene smile. The way she’s become my safety, my anchor. The way she never lets me fall or drift away.
I return my phone to its docking station beside my pillow and shift onto my back. Almost immediately, Katy rolls towards me, nuzzling into my bare chest. I open my arms to her, tucking her into my side, and a small hand comes to rest on my sternum. Her fingers curl slightly, like she’s holding on to me, even in slumber. It doesn’t take long before that hand drags me down into a dreamless sleep.