33. Katy
Chapter thirty-three
Katy
I roll over, throwing my legs off the edge of the mattress and slapping my feet down onto the floor. My eyes are barely even open, but I need to brush my teeth and I need to pee—not necessarily in that order. The cool surface takes me by surprise for a split second, until I remember that I’m not in my own bedroom with my fluffy rug and cosy string lights. I’m at Jay’s flat, with his minimal furnishings and hard floors. Dragging myself to a standing position, I stretch and then scrub at my eyes with the backs of my hands as Jay immediately begins to straighten the bedsheets.
“What are you doing?” My voice is still rough and husky from sleep.
“Making the bed,” he answers smoothly, stretching over the mattress to tuck in the sheet. The muscles in his shoulders ripple as he stretches and I’m mesmerised. He folds the corners before pulling them tight and securing them under the mattress, then runs a hand over the surface to smooth it out. The entire process took two minutes or less, but it looks flawless—like we haven’t just spent the night tangled in the sheets.
“But… don’t you even pee first?”
Jay’s eyes snap up to mine. There’s a strange expression on his face—it’s like a mixture of guilt and regret, a little nervousness and something else I can’t quite identify. Like he’s ashamed of the way he simply lives his life. Like he’s edging towards the door, one eye always on his exit route. I hate it. I want to kiss all of it off his face, rid him of any anxieties because he’s perfect. He’s a walking green flag for fuck’s sake, better than any book boyfriend I’ve ever imagined, and I never want to make him feel like he’s anything less. I never want to be the reason for that look on his face.
“It comes from the army, I guess,” he says quietly. He doesn’t meet my eyes, instead, staring at a spot in the middle of the bed. “Everything had to be perfect. Beds made up within seconds of waking, sheets perfectly tight. They bounce fucking pennies on them to make sure they’re done properly.”
“Jesus, I thought that was a joke.”
“Not even slightly, Princess,” he says darkly. “I guess… I guess it’s just something I can’t quite shake.”
I shuffle around the end of the bed and reach out to him. His bare skin is warm, and he smells like sleep and Jay, and I tug him into me, tucking myself under his arm and pressing my body as close to his as I can.
“You don’t need to ‘shake it’,” I whisper into his chest as I hug him. “If you want to make the bed before you pee, then make the bed before you pee. I don’t care.” I press a soft kiss between his pecs and he shivers lightly at the touch of my lips.
“You’re perfect,” he whispers into my hair. He uses his thumb and forefinger to grasp my chin, tilting my face up to look at him before pressing his lips to mine in a chaste kiss. “And now, I am going to piss.”
He drops his arms from my shoulders, and with one last kiss to the top of my head, he turns and slips into the en suite bathroom. After a moment, I hear the toilet flush and the running of water, before the shower turns on. I sit carefully on the edge of the bed, trying not to muss up the perfectly-neat sheets. This man. He’s a dichotomy I never saw coming. He’s filthy and sweet, stern and kind, aloof and attentive. He’s everything I never knew I needed. And he’s entirely forbidden. He’s my best friend’s brother.
Sisters before misters, right? That’s the girl code. Friends always come first. And Ruth—she’s been my best friend for years. She knows everything there is to know about me, and she loves me anyway. Well, except for the fact that her brother has been fucking me senseless on just about every surface in both of our homes for the last couple of weeks. And except for the fact that I’ve fallen wildly, irrevocably, and irresponsibly in love with him.
“What about this piece?” I hold out a chunky wooden jigsaw piece to Maisy and she looks between it and the half-finished puzzle on the floor. When Amie is away, one of us or her mum usually will stay at Amie’s house with Maisy, but this time, Maisy requested another sleepover at my house. What my little goddaughter wants, she gets, so we’ve had a proper camp-out in sleeping bags in the living room, complete with a midnight snack of cookies and apple slices. Sure, the midnight snack was eaten at seven in the evening, and sure, we were both asleep before nine, but it’s the thought that counts.
It was strange to go from sleeping in Jay’s bed one night to sleeping on my living room floor the next, and even stranger to sleep alone—even though Maisy was with me, and even though she spent half the night sharing my sleeping bag with me. For the last fortnight, I’ve spent most nights falling asleep in Jay’s arms.
Ruth came over this morning with some books and puzzles, and the three of us have been on the floor, listening to a Disney Princess playlist and putting jigsaws together for the last hour. Maisy’s furrowed brow melts into a wide grin as she slots another piece into place.
“Good job, Maisy-Pop!” I hold up my hand for a high-five and she slaps it with her own, giggling gleefully. She’s momentarily distracted by some movement outside the window, running to watch one of my neighbours walk their dog past my house, so I take the opportunity to lean in to Ruth.
“How are things with Cowboy Boo?”
“We’ve been texting. A little FaceTime.”
“FaceTime, huh? Naked FaceTime?”
Ruth scoffs. “No, very much fully clothed. But…” She trails off, uncertainty clouding her dark features.
“But what, Roo? What is it?”
“I think I like him.”
“That’s a good thing, right?” I knock her arm with my own. “That he’s not a total weirdo?”
“I didn’t say that,” she smirks. “He’s definitely kind of weird. But I think maybe he’s my kind of weird.”
“Do you want my advice?”
“Do I have a choice?”
I stick my tongue out as Maisy runs back to us, plopping to the floor and sweeping away the puzzle pieces.
“Play planes, Aunty Roo!”
“Let’s play planes, Maisy!” Ruth pastes a wide smile on her face as she reaches for Maisy’s duffel bag full of toys. She tips them onto the carpet and the three of us get to work building an imaginary airport, before I continue our previous conversation—this time in a more hushed tone.
“Look, Ruthy. You like him. He likes you. What have you got to lose here? Go and have some fun, love. Maybe he’ll just scratch an itch, or maybe it’ll turn into something amazing. But you won’t know if you don’t go.”
“Look at you, little poet.”
I grin smugly.
“But I don’t know,” Ruth continues. “What if he doesn’t even scratch the itch?”
“Then at least you can say you tried.”
Ruth tips her head to rest on my shoulder as Maisy rolls a model aircraft along my leg, lifting it into the air and waving it around.
“Look, Aunty K. It flying!”
“It’s flying, Maisy Pop! Where is it going?”
“The clouds!”
“The clouds? I want to go to the clouds! What do you think is up there?”
A firm knock at my front door interrupts the conversation and Roo pops to her feet immediately, empty glass in her hand.
“I’ll get it,” she says, swiping an empty chocolate wrapper from the floor and sashaying out of the room. I hear the front door open a few seconds later, and then Ruth’s head pokes around the living room door.
“K,” she begins with a furrowed brow. “Care to tell me why my brother is at your front door?”
Oh, fuck .
I shrug in response, arranging my face in what I hope is an expression that says I have no idea , but Ruth just raises an eyebrow. A moment later, she enters the room properly with her big brother’s arm slung across her shoulders. He’s wearing the biggest shit-eating grin, like the cat that got the cream. It doesn’t quite reach all the way to his eyes until he looks right at me, but when it does, and the tension lifts from his shoulders, warmth floods my veins and settles in my belly. His smile makes me weak, and not just in the knees.
Maisy drags her attention from our puzzle to Ruth and Jay.
“Who’s that, Aunty Roo?”
“This is my big brother, Jay,” Ruth answers. “You met him at my house, do you remember? He played planes with you.” Maisy nods slowly, grinning and showing off twin rows of tiny white teeth.
“You remember Maisy,” Ruth says to Jay. “And you know Katy.”
“I do know Katy,” he says with the barest hint of a smile. The fucker . I think he does a little more than ‘know me’, considering the number of times he’s had me naked and screaming his name in the last week. But Ruth can’t know that I know what her brother looks like naked, and the guilt of keeping secrets from her eats away at me, leaving an uncomfortable, itchy, unsettled feeling in my stomach. “I was just passing by, and thought I’d stop and say hi when I saw your car, Roo.”
Nice save.
Ruth narrows her eyes.
“Come on, Roo, you know Katy and I are friends.” Jay gives his sister’s shoulder a squeeze, and Ruth’s eyes narrow further. “You won’t drink beer with me, and Katy will. What’s a man supposed to do?”
Ruth rolls her eyes as Jay plops down onto the armchair in the corner. His usual seat. What does it mean that I’ve come to think of the seat as his? I think I need to get out of here for a minute.
“I’m gonna make a coffee. Anyone want anything?” I stand and brush imaginary lint from my leggings, brushing a hand over Maisy’s curls as she looks up at me with concern in her bright green eyes.
“I’m good.” Ruth takes my spot on the floor with Maisy.
“Coffee sounds good,” Jay answers as he pops to his feet again. He wavers unsteadily, gripping the back of the chair for support as he tests his weight on his right leg a few times. “Need a hand, Princess?”
Ruth’s eyes snap up to us.
Fuck.
“Princess?” She raises an eyebrow. Oh god , I feel sick.
“Caught her reading one of those Disney magazines,” Jay answers smoothly. “Swore it was for Little Miss Maisy, but I know the truth.” He winks as Ruth’s face relaxes into a smile, and then a laugh, and I can breathe again. Just barely, but at least I’m not in immediate danger of panicking and spilling everything—or worse, my stomach contents.
“That sounds like Katy, alright.” She pokes her tongue out at me. “She’s a proper Disney Adult.”
“I am not,” I protest with only a hint of annoyance. “And it really was for Maisy.”
“What is me, Aunty K?” Maisy shuffles over and wraps her arms around my left leg, looking up at me with big green eyes and her lips in a little pink pout. “What is me?”
“Do you remember the princess magazine I bought you?” She nods solemnly as I swing her up into my arms and settle her onto my hip. She’s growing so fast, and even though she’s still only three, I’m already struggling to lift her into my arms. She’ll be as tall as me before I know it.
“It got pretty princess dresses,” she explains to Ruth. “And stickers!”
“Stickers?” Ruth asks with feigned shock. “Wow, Aunty Katy never told me about the stickers!”
Maisy giggles, and I set her back down on her feet to tackle Ruth with a hug attack before I slip out to the kitchen, Jay hot on my heels. He wraps an arm around my waist as soon as we’re alone. His chest is pressed against my back as he nuzzles his face into the space between my neck and shoulder, sucking my earlobe between his lips. I arch into him with a quiet moan.
“We can’t,” I whisper. “Not here. Not with—”
“Fuck, Katy, I don’t want to hide you.” He spins me to face him. “You’re not some dirty fucking secret, Princess. You’re my fucking dream girl. I want to shout you from the fucking rooftops.”
I sigh into his kiss as he presses his lips to mine, teasing with his tongue before claiming my mouth. His tongue sweeps past my teeth, exploring with gusto as he nips at my lower lip. He backs me up against the counter.
“Jay.” I tear myself away. “Jay, we—not here. Please.” I’d love to tell my best friends about us. To sit with them and dissect every emotion, to celebrate with them about this utter elation that I feel when I’m with Jay. But I’m also conscious of Ruth’s repeated warnings, of the way she thinks her brother is too dark for me, and that I’m too wild for him. Of the way she has no idea how perfect we are together.
And the guilt of keeping us a secret is tearing me up inside.
Jay kisses me once more, closed lips against mine, and then brushes a thumb over my cheekbone, taking just a moment to rest his forehead against mine, before opening the fridge and retrieving the milk. We work in tandem, preparing two cups of coffee in silence, before returning to Ruth and Maisy in the living room, as though we weren’t just seconds away from ravaging each other on the other side of the wall.