44. Katy
Chapter forty-four
Katy
A nother few days pass by in a blur of classes, essays, and Maisy. She’s proven herself to be an excellent distraction, demanding a trip to the zoo as soon as Amie and Cam have left for their respective flights. We’ve agreed to meet Paloma at the zoo’s entrance, and I’m scanning the area, looking out for her flaming red hair as I hold one of Maisy’s warm, slightly clammy hands in mine to walk through the park. She uses her whole body to swing my arm, giggling happily and pointing out every dog we pass with a wide grin.
“Can a puppy live with me and Mama, Aunty K?”
I pause, mid-stride, and Maisy stumbles. I rush to right her, situating her back on her feet, and she gazes at me with solemn green eyes.
“I don’t know about that one, Maisy. Maybe you should ask Mama?”
“Yeah! I ask Mama!” I make a mental note to warn Amie of the impending line of questioning, and then I spot Paloma waiting for us, shielding her eyes with her hand and leaning against the trunk of an enormous old oak.
“Aunty Lolo!” Maisy drops my hand and runs to Paloma, who drops into a crouch when she spots us, waiting just a few feet away with her arms open wide.
“Hi, Miss Maisy!” Paloma sweeps Maisy into her arms and I wipe my hand on my jeans. My goddaughter is cute as hell, but she’s a kid, and kids are kind of gross. It doesn’t stop me wishing for an entire football team of Jay’s mini-me's, though. The thought of little boys with his lopsided smile melts me a little, and I can’t help but think I’d give anything to experience that joy with him. To be someone’s mum, and have him be their dad. I’ve only known him since January, and we’ve only been dating since April, but I’m more certain of how I feel than I’ve ever been about anything in my life. I want to love that man forever.
“Your hair looks cute,” Paloma says to me as she stands, holding Maisy’s hand. Maisy grabs my hand again with her other one and we continue to walk. With my free hand, I smooth down the flyaway hairs poking out of the braids running from my temples to the back of my head, where they’re woven into a larger braid and held in place with a hair clip shaped like a crescent moon.
“Thanks, love. You look cute.”
“Don’t I? I found this dress in a vintage sale last week. I couldn’t resist. I made a big booking last week too, I deserve it.”
“What? Lo, that’s amazing! Tell me everything!”
Paloma scrolls through her phone and flashes a zoo membership card at the young girl in the entrance booth. I do the same, and then pull Maisy’s plastic membership card from my pocket. Once we’re in, we make a beeline for the play area where Maisy can run around for a few minutes in a confined space and Lo and I can talk.
“So it’s product photography, which you know isn’t my fave, but there’s loads of products and they’re letting me get creative with it, so I’m excited.” She scrolls through her phone again and shows me a website. It’s a coming soon page for an up-and-coming business specialising in handmade, all-organic cosmetic and skincare products.
“That’s amazing, Lo. I’m so proud of you, love.”
“Thanks, K,” she says with a grin. We sit on a recently-vacated bench, and Paloma tips her head to rest on my shoulder. “What about you? You look… different. Happy. Army Boy taking good care of you?”
Paloma waggles her eyebrows with her tongue between her teeth, and I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face.
“He’s amazing, Lo.”
“I can tell.”
“Not just that, jeez. He’s—god, Lo. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this. I feel so scrambled, you know? When I’m with him I’m so happy, so fucking happy, but then I remember how much this is destroying his relationship with his sister, and… fuck, I miss Roo so much. I never wanted to hurt her, you know? I hated hiding this. I never wanted to hurt her.”
“I know. She’ll come around, Katy.” Paloma holds both of my hands in hers before wrapping her long arms around me. I breathe in her sweet magnolia perfume, taking deep breaths as I hang onto her as long as I can. “She just needs to lick her wounds.”
“How long does she need to lick for?”
Paloma bursts out laughing as we pull apart.
“Aunty K, look!” We both look over at Maisy as she stands on a platform at the top of the highest of three slides. She waves both arms at us before dropping to a seated position and pushing herself down the long metal ramp, sliding to the ground with a head of speed. She overcooks her landing and stands up, before pitching forward and landing on her knees on the springy, rubberised floor. I brace myself for tears, but she stands immediately and runs over with a wide grin.
“Aunty Lo, Aunty K, did you see?”
“We saw, Mae-Mae! You were amazing!” Paloma stands, taking one of Maisy’s hands in hers. “How about we go and visit some elephants?”
“Yeah!” Maisy cheers and grabs my hand. “Let’s say hi to the effy-lants!”
After a busy morning at the zoo, Paloma and I take Maisy home to find Suze sitting outside on the doorstep, enjoying the spring sunshine and waiting for her granddaughter. We leave them building a beach scene with plastic dinosaurs on the living room floor. I left my car on the street outside Amie’s house earlier, and Paloma and I both pile into it now, waving at Maisy’s green eyes at the window as I drive away.
Paloma’s small flat is cosy and dark, with art on every wall, knick-knacks on every surface and plants in every other available space. It smells like Paloma—like dark berries and fresh magnolia, with a little hint of smoky incense from the small wooden box in the corner.
“This is new,” I say, running a finger over the edge of a canvas propped on top of a vintage dresser. Everything in Lo’s home is vintage or hand-crafted; a mismatch of styles and colours and so perfectly Paloma . It’s the kind of place I love on Pinterest but could never put together myself.
It’s eclectic and effortlessly chic. It’s far too maximalist for me, but it’s perfect for Lo, and I love exploring it while I’m here. I follow Lo down the short hallway and into her living room, while she calls out to me from the kitchen.
“Yeah, I got it at the art market a few days ago. Cute artist I’ve met a few times over the years. She makes jewellery too, you’d really love her work actually. I’m doing some promo shoots for her soon if you fancy modelling for it?”
The canvas is painted with a collection of colours and textures; earthy greens and browns, with a little gold running through it all. It looks like a forest, like early spring, like frosty mornings and sunny afternoons, picnics, and walks with coats and sunglasses. It makes me think of Jay’s eyes. It makes me feel all of these things, just with abstract paint strokes. I brush a finger over a raised, textured edge of paint.
“Yeah, maybe…” I hum. I’ve modelled for Paloma plenty of times over the years, for fun and for commissioned shoots. “Maybe I’ll pop by the market next month, if I’m not working.”
“Or studying. I can’t believe you’re back in school, K. How’s it going?”
“Really well,” I say with a big smile. Paloma places a steaming mug on the end table beside me. “I’ve completed almost all of my credits now. I think I might try to enroll on the foundation degree, you know. One of the tutors said she’d recommend me for it.”
“Shit, K. That’s big.”
“Yeah… I really love it, you know? I feel like I’ve finally found what I should be doing.”
“And to think, all it took was Army Man’s big dick.” She smirks and takes a sip of something orange from a vintage tumbler.
“Well, it was haunted eyes and a panic attack, but go off, sis,” I answer with a laugh. It feels so good to laugh with a friend, after moping about the state of my relationship with Ruth for most of the last few days.
“Shit,” Lo says again, sobering a little. “He’s really been through it, huh.”
“Yeah… he has. But he’s doing so well. He’s getting there, he’s working so hard on himself. Lo, he told me he loves me.” I lean forward like I’m spilling the world’s biggest secret.
I can’t stop the tears that well in my eyes, or the grin that splits my face as I remember the moment. It’s a memory I know I’ll take to my grave. It felt like time stopped, like the world stopped turning, just for a second. And then, with those three words, all of a sudden, the Earth turned again, this time in a Technicolor I’d never known before.
Paloma squeals, shifting to the edge of her seat and leaning forward towards me.
“Oh my god , K! That’s so huge! Did you say it?”
“Of course I did!” I laugh through tears. “I think I might have said it first, I don’t really know. It’s a little hazy.” I wipe the tears from my eyes.
“Oh my god, this is so exciting. Two down, and Roo and her Cowboy Boo sound pretty serious too… oh my god, I’m so excited!”
“What about you, huh?” I turn the conversation to her. “Any cute girls in the picture? Any cute boys?”
“Oh, there’s always cute girls. And cute boys. But, you know me. I’m happy to use ‘em and lose ‘em.” Paloma laughs brightly, but I know her well enough to hear the self-deprecation in her voice and see the longing in her expression.
“Oh, Lo,” I chide jokingly. “You deserve love. And you’ll find it, I promise. How ever it comes.”
“Oh, something will definitely come.” She bites her tongue and waggles her eyebrows, and I sigh indignantly whilst laughing and rolling my eyes. My phone buzzes on the arm of the sofa and I flip it over, scanning the screen quickly to see Cam’s name and plenty of exclamation marks.
Cam
it arrived!!!!!!
I tap furiously for a second while Paloma watches with interest.
Katy
SHOW ME
Cam
it’s with my parents in PHX. Didn’t trust myself to keep it safe here AND hide it from Amie.
After a moment, more grey dots appear, and I spin my phone around so Paloma can see the message thread. Her eyes widen as she reads from Cam’s earlier messages, almost turning into comical cartoon hearts when she sees the photos we’ve sent back and forth. My phone buzzes again in Paloma’s hand and she thrusts it back to me.
Cam
how the fuck do I do this?
Katy
shouldn’t you have thought of that before getting balls deep?
Cam
fuck.
Katy
if in doubt, I’m sure Maisy will do it for you. Brass balls bigger than Texas on that kid.
Cam
not fucking wrong
Paloma squeals, releasing a sound I’m certain is only a decibel or two short of rupturing my eardrums.
“This is so exciting!”
“You gotta keep your yap shut, Lo,” I warn. “Amie cannot find out about this. Not from you.”
She mimes a zipping action across her lips. “I promise,” she says solemnly, holding out a pinkie finger. I link mine with hers to solidify the promise, and then she leans in to wrap her arms around me.
“Everyone’s getting married off, I’m gonna need some new hats!”
“Chill your beans, love,” I laugh. “No one’s getting married here yet.”
“I saw the way Jay was eye-fucking you at his birthday dinner.” A wicked smirk curls Paloma’s lips. “Man’s gonna wife you up the second he thinks you’ll say yes.”
“You think?”
“Katy.” Paloma takes my hand in hers. “He is down badder than bad. He is totally whipped, arse over tits, out of his absolute mind crazy about you.”
A slow smile spreads across my face.
“Good,” I say quietly. “Because I’d say yes. I would, Lo.”
Lo squeals again, shaking my hand as she flails with excitement. “Show me your pinboards!” she demands. “I need to be ready when he asks for hints!”
It’s an absurd idea, but a little thrill zings through my veins anyway at the thought that Jay might solicit help from my friends to propose someday. I open the app, navigate to the same board I looked at when I helped Cam, and pass my phone back to Paloma. “Fill your boots, Lo.”