Chapter 7
Seven
Penny
Ismiled at the beeps.
Beep, beep, beep.
They weren’t my own beeps. I wasn’t that unwell. But someone in here was beeping away at a nice, steady pace. Their heart calm, their pulse stable. Must be nice. To let a machine take over, to switch off in such a deep way that you can’t even breathe by yourself.
The infirmary was one of those places an inmate could almost pretend you were alone.
A curtain went two-thirds of the way round my bed, and yes, my arms were handcuffed to the metal frame, but I couldn’t see anyone, and no one could see me.
At least not at every moment. Because they had me on suicide watch.
I pulled a stupid face just because, then winced at the pain it caused. Right. Bloodied lips, banged up head.
I sighed and tried to go back to sleep, to enjoy the aloneness of it all before someone came a-knocking. Which was never long in here. Turns out they didn’t trust a bunch of criminals with unattended medical equipment, handcuffed or not. Especially when they tried to end their sentence early.
“Ah,” the sweet voice of a nurse said as she stepped into my little space the second my lids closed. “I thought you’d be up soon. We’ll have some questions for you.”
I peeked open one eye and looked at her.
She was maybe fifty, with a warm smile and the arms of a potato farmer, sturdy, grounded.
I liked her. I decided Sally was great the last time she’d tried to help me.
First impressions mattered, and hers was a soft smile and firm eyes as she waited for me to react.
Giving me the space I needed to study her.
“Thanks, Sally,” I muttered, trying to open my eyes in the light.
Her warm smile deepened, and she patted her tag. “You banged up your head pretty good, girl, mild concussion.”
From banging my own stupid head on a wall? Fuck me.
“Do you feel up to talking?” Sally asked, sitting on the plastic chair to my side. “You can tell me, and I can relay the information if it’s… sensitive. I made sure no one examined you. You aren’t washed, but you’re- no one examined you, Penny.”
I knew what she was trying to tell me — that they didn’t check if I’d been raped because it would be an invasion of my privacy.
I respected her for that. For even attempting to defend my honor in any way.
But it spoke of bad things here, so why wasn’t it investigated?
Why weren’t the guards who looked after me while I was down there investigated already?
The prison system wasn’t too worried about autonomy, after all. Just covering their own backs. I smiled at Sally. “I’m okay,” I said. “I wasn’t… he didn’t.”
“He?”
I swallowed, shook my head. “No, sorry, I didn’t mean that.
I just hurt myself, that’s all.” It wasn’t a lie.
I slipped up, that’s all, that’s all she’d think.
With wide eyes, I implored Sally to drop it.
She reached over and grabbed my cuffed hand.
Guilt tickled at my nostrils because I was manipulating her kindness.
“If you need to talk, you can come to me. Request a nurse appointment with me. I’ll make sure it’s noted you can.”
I smiled, really damn grateful she had my back, even if I was a lying asshole. “Thank you.”
She nodded. “Now, I’m sure someone will be in to talk to you soon; the lead CO has been particularly pushy. So I’ll leave you to rest.” She stood and gave me another quick once over. “I understand how much you ladies like your privacy in here.”
And I did. Though I couldn’t do anything with it, I shut my eyes and enjoyed not being observed. I could be anything right now, and no one would know. Be anywhere, do anything. If I closed my eyes and let it wash over me, it was just for myself.
Sally felt like a friend, and I didn’t have many of those. Not in here, not out there. Not even in my head.
I fell into daydreams, a small smile on my face, just pretending to be at a gig, watching a band absolutely destroy their instruments while sweaty crowds crushed each other to get closer. With no one looking at me, I was there.
No one could say otherwise.
A throat clearing had me opening my eyes back up, frowning, right where I started in this little medical bay. All sterile and white and blue, bright lights. Not unobserved anymore.
“I have some questions to ask you,” CO Darling said, his hands in his pockets as he looked at me. My eyes narrowed. He’d appeared as if from nowhere, but really, I’d been so far in my head he might have been singing with a full marching band for the last ten minutes and I wouldn’t have noticed.
And here he was, interrupting my peace.
Someone had told Randal that I would get naked for him in that cell, and the only person I’d done that for was standing in front of me now. They were easy dots to connect. I was just missing the point.
“I think it would be better if somebody else asked them,” I muttered, turning my face away from him.
He huffed out a breath like he was a bull seeing some little matador waving his red flag, and I rolled my eyes.
It was so hard, keeping my distance from this man. Not physically, that was easy, with all the barriers and bars between us. But in my head, it was beginning to shift around. I pushed just enough that the cuffs bit into my wrists.
“They asked me to check in with you. Protocol,” he grunted, gesturing to the badge he wore with a scowl on his face. “You’re on watch, inmate. So you may as well spill.”
This time, I huffed, still keeping my eyes away from him. For a second, I thought he might reach out and touch me, stroke my foot or fondle my ankle, anything, a bit of connection. But I don’t know why, because the air didn’t even shift around him. He just waited for me, steady and stern.
“Tell me something about yourself first,” I asked, my voice soft as I tried to shuffle and sit, giving up on keeping turned away. I was flat on my back now, peering at him standing by my feet. It was vulnerable, I sighed, unable to sit.
Darling shifted over, taking a few steps to my side before fiddling with the bed, lifting it so I bent at the waist, all mechanical and against my will, even though it’s what I wanted. Now I was sitting up, I could see him better. I was more of a human and less of a pig on a table for eating.
Our eyes locked, his swirling with something impossible to label. I fought back everything I could list in my head — desire, anger, a weird, aching need for him to touch me. He never had, not really. Fingers in my mouth didn’t count, arms wrapped around me while I tried to hurt someone also didn’t.
His touch lingered above me, scant inches from my arm, like he might reach out and stroke my skin. His jaw tensed, and I watched, waiting, anticipating anything. Human connection, a transference of power, whatever he wanted to give.
He ripped his hand away with a hiss and huffed, taking a measured step back.
I shook my head. He would not tell me anything; he was happy to jack off to the sight of me locked up and naked, vulnerable, but that was it. He was just like the rest, of course he was. I’d have to recalibrate my mind for that. Pain throbbed through my skull.
“I used to be—” He stopped. Jaw tensed. “I haven’t been a CO very long.”
My eyes darted to his. “And you’re already leading the twats? You must be dedicated to the field.”
“More like forced into it,” he grumbled, and I waited for more. He sank into the chair Sally had vacated, and I smirked when it squeaked under his weight. “Now, questions.”
I nodded.
“You promise to answer?” His tone was a little lighter, and when I met his eye, I saw a mix. He was trying to keep it light, but there was substance underneath it, something like genuine concern. It made my chest squeeze with excitement.
“I promise.”
“Can you tell me what happened? You were found in quite the state in your solitary cell — and it was heavily implied that the things you were found with… weren’t… possible.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, tilting my head.
“There were stains on your clothing that indicated a man had been with you.” His gaze was so heavy on mine, so unwavering, like he was begging me for an answer I didn’t know how to give.
Outwardly, he was professional, and I might have just been projecting what I wanted to see, but I felt it. That glimmer.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said to him, looking away.
“Penelope,” he growled my name, looking around.
I think he was going to do more, maybe grab me, threaten me, but Sally walked by the bay with a slight smile directed my way, and Darling retreated, his jaw muscles ticking.
“Did someone touch you? Did one of the guards—” His voice was loud, performative.
“Only what you told them to do, Darling,” I whispered back, loud enough just for him.
His jaw tensed even more, and he stared at me.
We looked at each other, not speaking, just letting a heavy tension wave back and forth between us.
His nostrils flared and his eyes tightened; he was so, so close to that precipice.
I recognized it because it matched my own.
He was playing his own game, that much was obvious.
But it wasn’t clear if I was a pawn or a player.
God, he wanted to speak, to say something, anything, to confess or deny. But his jaw remained locked tight, muscles rippling under his scruff. He did it, he told Randal to come to my cell and hurt me. The glare in his eyes told me all I needed to know.
“I’ll tell them you coughed up phlegm, that you’re sick and need to stay here for a few more days. Better than suicide watch.” Darling stood up, breaking that eye contact as he spoke. And he didn’t look back as he left.
The curtain waved a little in the breeze of how fast he fucked off.