22. CHAPTER 22
We sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Easton lay sprawled on the bottom bunk, arms tucked behind his head, lips curved in the lazy smile people wear when they don’t realize they’re doing it, his eyes closed. He might have been asleep. Or just pretending to be asleep to avoid talking.
I stood up as quietly as possible and drew my weight back, then rammed my body into the door. I hoped to catch Gavin off guard, but he continued to be a step ahead of me.
“Not going to work,” Gavin said, a hint of a taunt in his voice. One way or the other, I’d be teaching this kid a lesson on who was older when I got out.
Gavin’s room was a mess. Shirts and jeans were sprawled all over the floor, and a pair of briefs hung over the side of his dresser. I kicked a couple of articles of clothing at his wall to clear a path.
I crawled into the top bunk and put my head down on the pillow. If I needed to be in here, at least having a bed between us would make life easier. The coolness of the sheets soothed my legs, and I sighed at their touch.
It had been a while since I had spent the night on Gavin’s bunk bed. I looked around the room, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off his ceiling. At this point, he had close to a dozen jerseys framed. Three of them had his name on them; all of them had the same number four in the center.
I turned my music on and put my phone on my chest. With Adele’s voice softly playing, I fell asleep within minutes. When I woke up, I didn’t remember exactly what I’d dreamed about, but I was smiling. It had been one of those weird dreams where everything had just felt…good.
Then I remembered Gavin had locked me into a room with Easton. I looked at my phone—I had been asleep for less than fifteen minutes. I jumped off the bed onto the floor and stormed to the door.
“Gavin, let me out, or I’m calling Mom.”
“And tell her what?”
“That you locked me in your room, dumbass.”
“Don’t you think she’ll ask me why I did it?”
“You wouldn’t,” I said.
“I don’t think I’ll have to,” he said.
I sat once again on the floor, sighing. The calm from the nap evaporated like it hadn’t existed. My shoulders tensed, and my teeth pressed together.
“What is it with you Quinns and blackmailing me?” Easton said. I looked over at him, and he was still smiling.
“Someone has to turn you into a good person,” I snapped, turning my back to him.
“Yeah, well, I fucked up. I don’t have a mom to teach me right from wrong,” he said.
I choked out a laugh, shocked that he’d gone there. “No shit, you fucked up,” I said.
He sat up in bed, his feet on the floor, his body hunched. He stared, motionless, at a spot on the wall. “I’ve missed you,” he said.
I stood up and paced around the room. “Why didn’t you say something to me?”
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to,” he said.
I looked at him, staring him down, trying to process how he could be so na?ve.
“Yeah, that was dumb,” he acknowledged, his dimples coming out.
“Yeah, it was,” I said.
“I couldn’t face how much I missed you all. It made everything worse,” he said.
I scratched behind my ear and turned my back to him again. If I looked at him too long, I’d forget how pissed I still wanted to be.
“I’ve messed up the last couple of months. Hiding was safer, okay? That’s why I said what I said. New Year’s was a mess. I was drunk.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t need to say what you did.”
“No, I didn’t,” he said. “I’m sorry for what I said. Sorry for what I did. I was terrified Gavin would tell somebody what he saw.”
“Why does it matter if he does?” I said, spinning toward him. “What are you scared of?”
“I could ask you the same thing, man. Why haven’t you told anyone but your brothers that you’re gay?”
“You can’t be serious right now.”
“I didn’t mean that harshly, Tan. I just meant that you’ve told no one, but you expect me to say something? I shouldn’t have to be forced into anything.”
“That’s never what I wanted, Easton! I would never make you do something you didn’t want to do! Gavin walked in on us. Nothing was going to change that. He wasn’t going to say anything!”
“But what if someone else walked in on us? I couldn’t risk that!”
“Why would it have been such a big deal if people knew?”
“We’re talking in circles now. You can’t say that when you haven’t even told your parents, I don’t want to hear that shit from you.”
I clenched my jaw. He was right. God, I hated that he was right. I couldn’t keep telling him to accept himself if I wasn’t willing to do the same.
“Fine, then. You’re right,” I said, turning to the door. “Gavin, we’re good.”
“What do you mean I’m right?” Easton asked. I heard him stand up. He closed the distance between us enough that the citrus was nearly on top of me.
“Open up, Gav—we talked,” I said. I saw the door open a crack, and I slammed it open. Gavin fell on his ass, and I made a mental note to make fun of him for it later. But I didn’t have time for that now.
“Follow me,” I said. I walked to Zach’s room and opened the door.
“Family meeting, get out here,” I said, walking away before Zach looked up from his phone. I had a mission, and I knew if I stopped, I wouldn’t do it. I wiped my hands on my shorts, trying to get rid of the pent-up sweat.
“You don’t have to do this,” Easton said from behind me. “That wasn’t what I meant.”
“Isn’t it, though?”
“Are you two talking again?” Zach said, catching up to us. “Nice.”
“We’re good,” I said. “But I’m not going to let Easton pull a bullshit card anymore.”
“Tan. Don’t do this because of me,” Easton pleaded.
“I’m doing this for me. Not you. You were just right, so, thank you.” I strode through the house in seconds. Mom and Dad were still in the kitchen cleaning.
“You two need to sit down. Easton said I have to tell you something.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Easton mumbled. Zach stood in the corner, laughing at one of us or, more likely, both of us.
“Whatever you need to tell yourself, bud,” I said, turning back to my parents, not even trying to stifle the snark.
Mom sat down, a cup of tea in her hand, as Dad leaned against the sink behind her. They both had wonder in their eyes, though Mom had a glimpse of understanding in her smile.
My mouth went dry. I opened it—then closed it again. My legs felt too heavy to move. This was it. I wanted to stop. What would they say? How would they react to this?
I forced myself forward. No turning back now.
“I like dudes, not girls,” I said, trying to keep my eyes ahead.
My dad’s mouth fell open, and his head tilted. He looked like he almost understood but wasn’t completely sure what I meant.
I looked at Mom, and she seemed to be almost laughing. “Of course, you do, Tanner. I’m glad you told us.”
“You knew?” I said, slipping into a chair.
“Well, yeah,” she said.
“How?”
“I just did,” she said, glancing toward one of the other three boys in the room.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dad said.
I looked up, trying to gauge a reaction but unable to.
“Didn’t seem relevant,” Mom shrugged.
“How will we have grandkids?” Dad asked.
Mom jumped out of her chair and grabbed a towel from the counter. She snapped the towel at his arm, crumbs of food flying through the air. “Don’t you say that! Apologize to your son!”
Dad’s arms flew to protect himself. Zach and Gavin roared with laughter in the background, happy that, for once, they weren’t the object of Mom’s yelling.
“I just meant he isn’t going to have any biological kids,” Dad said, still trying to protect himself.
“Not true. There are surrogates, among other things,” she said, sending the towel once more at Dad.
“Well, at least he’s not going to come home and tell us he got a chick pregnant.”
“Jesus, Scott,” Mom said, throwing her arms up into the air.
“I’ll shut up now,” Dad said.
“That’s for the best,” Mom said, turning around to face me again. “We both still love you, Tanner, no matter how many times your dad sticks his foot in his mouth. We do need to talk, though. You still need to wear condoms, even if, as your father put it, ‘You can’t get a chick pregnant.’”
“Moooom,” Gavin said, expressing my thoughts exactly. I put my face in my hands, the heat coming off my cheeks vibrating against them.
“Just make sure you’re staying safe. Your dad and I are going to have to decide whether we’re comfortable with you sleeping in the same room whenever Easton or Ricky sleep at the house.”
“Mom, stop,” I said. “Now.”
“Easton’s not gay, Mom; he’s told us a bunch of times,” Gavin giggled.
I shot him a look that said, 'shut the hell up.' Easton stared at the floor, blushing as hard as I was. I turned back to Mom, who had the same hidden smile on her face as when we had started the conversation.
“When did you tell your brothers?”
“He told me on our baseball trip,” Zach said. “Gavin found out on Christmas when—”
“While we played cards after everyone else went to bed,” I cut in.
I doubted he’d say Gavin had walked in on us, but I still wasn’t letting him finish that sentence.
“This conversation is over,” I added, grabbing both of my brothers, who made no effort to contain their amusement.
“Come with us,” I said as I passed Easton.
“We’ll finish this later, Tanner,” Mom’s voice echoed at my back.
I pushed them into the basement and shut the door behind us before taking the steps two at a time.
Gavin and Zach lay on the couches; Easton stood near the loveseat, looking as heated as I felt.
“What the fuck was that, you two?” I said.
“You were seriously going to say something about Gavin walking in on us?” Easton said to Zach. “For that matter, how did you even know?”
“I thought you two grew the fuck up in the last year. Apparently not,” I said, pacing around the room.
“You guys think this shit is funny?” Easton said, pounding his fist on the couch cushion. I had never seen him this angry.
Both of them were still laughing. Zach found words first. “I was going to say the exact same thing that Tanner did. I have no desire to talk about any of that stuff with Mom and Dad.”
“You know what, Zach?” Gavin said, ignoring both Easton and me. “This conversation is better than the one Mom wanted to have.”
Easton and I looked at each other, neither of us having any idea what he was saying. I shrugged my shoulders and looked back at Gavin.
“Why is this so funny, Gavin?” Easton said. His voice was rough, annoyed. He never talked to Gavin like this.
“Because you two are so pissed off at us, you forgot you were pissed off at each other.”
Easton’s eyes came back to me, my favorite color no longer dull and lifeless.
“I give up,” I said, throwing my hands in the air.
“You two should kiss and officially make up,” Gavin said. “I want to see that.”
Before he finished his sentence, I jumped on top of Gavin. I pinned his shoulders down with my knees, not letting him move an inch. Staring daggers at him, I said, “Gav, I love you and everything, but if you don’t shut the hell up right now, I’m going to smack you back to the second grade.”
Easton walked to the end of the couch, bent down to Gavin’s eye-level, and said, “If you keep this up, little dude, I’m going to tell your brothers what I found in your search history.”
Gavin’s head snapped up, and he shouted, “I don’t look at that stuff much. How did you know?”
“I didn’t,” Easton said, falling to the floor and laughing. “Thanks for the heads-up, though.”
I rolled off Gavin and landed on the floor next to Easton. “How the hell did you fall for that, Gav?”
“Shut up,” Gavin said, his face as red as the shorts he was wearing. “It’s normal.”
“No one cares,” said Zach, who remained curled up on the couch. “And we don’t want the details.”
“Should we have Mom give you a talk about internet safety?” I was still on the ground, my stomach in pain from laughing.
Easton and I locked eyes, and all my anger evaporated. He had apologized and seemed to mean it. Somehow, Gavin’s idiocy had forced us to do what he’d wanted.
I realized then that Easton had rolled with Gavin’s joke about us kissing. Maybe he was…accepting what had happened? Or accepting the situation?
Regardless, he at least wasn’t sprinting out of the room.
Easton broke eye contact, rolling over to his side.
I looked up at Zach, who had caught the connection.
He raised his right eyebrow, giving me the same smirk I had been getting from him since we had met Easton.
Now, I knew he was on to me. I not-so-subtly gave him the bird before diverting my eyes to the ceiling.
Easton still wasn’t being completely honest, but he was trying to make amends.
But I had been honest. I had come out to my parents. I hadn’t been shunned; I hadn’t been smothered. I’d just witnessed a sarcastic towel snap and received Mom’s reminder to use condoms. Knowing my family, that was probably the best-case scenario.
Now came the harder part.
How was I going to tell my friends?