Chapter 2
Chapter Two
Reggie stared at Lucy’s pale face and could only come to one conclusion—she was not the same grieving woman he had left behind, but she was also not the woman he’d fallen in love with.
He wasn’t the same person either. Life and time could change people.
He’d always thought that they would change and grow together, but for the first time, he felt a piercing of doubt.
The rest of their meal was full of strained silences intermixed with any question he could think up about friends and family. She answered evenly, tonelessly, and his worry grew.
At last, they were finished, and when he escorted her into the lobby, the desk clerk assured them a new suite was ready and asked a porter to lead them to the second floor—the same floor as Madeleine, but Reggie wasn’t foolish enough to bring that up.
They stepped into a small sitting room with a peach-striped sofa, matching chairs and draperies, and a stunning view of the sea that he barely noticed.
The porter gestured to the room on the right. “I placed your luggage there, Mrs. Lawton, and sir, yours is in the room on the left.”
“Thank you,” Reggie said.
After he’d tipped the porter, who shut the door behind himself, Reggie turned to face Lucy. He felt as if a thunderstorm was about to burst between them, with her anger the electricity powering it.
He put up his hands in a placating gesture. “Lucy—”
“Do not act as if your behavior is nothing,” she said in a low, strained voice. “My friends told me you’d been seen with an unknown woman in Brighton—and I thought you were still on a ship heading for London!”
He winced. “Did they mention Miss Fournier is a chaperoned young lady, daughter of my late commander, and that I certainly was respectful to her at all times?”
Her fists clenched, an obvious sign of her fury. “Of course they did not—people only care what scandal looks like, not what it truly is.”
“And if these women are such good friends, why would they hurt you in such a manner?”
“They hurt me?” she scoffed. “They were trying to spare me any further disgrace, letting me know so that I could travel here and somehow make things…make things…better! But I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that. I never thought you’d—you’d…”
Her voice trailed off, and Reggie saw the tears shimmer in her eyes.
He stepped forward and took her upper arms. “Lucy, I would never shame or betray you. Surely you must know that.”
“I don’t know what you’ve done,” she said, stepping away.
As if she couldn’t bear his touch.
“I don’t know how many people saw you return to England with a woman,” she continued, “and know that you didn’t come to London, as if you were trying to hide.”
“I was not trying to hide. I’m here because this is where Madeleine—”
“Madeleine?” she echoed sharply.
He sighed. “It was a long voyage to keep calling her Miss Fournier.” When she opened her mouth, he raised one hand. “Let me finish. I promised her father, who died in my arms, that I would escort her back to her fiancé. He will be meeting her here within the next two weeks.”
Lucy let out a breath. “If that’s true—”
“You think I’m lying?” he asked softly.
She seemed to straighten her shoulders. “But you didn’t write and explain this to me.”
“The letter would have left with me, by the time I made the promise.”
“And you didn’t write when you arrived in Brighton.”
“I didn’t want you to feel you had to pack up your bags and head to Brighton, when I would be seeing you so soon.”
“But you see how this looks, and how embarrassing it was to learn it second-hand.”
“I’m very sorry about that.”
The awkwardness between them felt like an invisible wall, as if they were strangers. Reggie was stunned at such feelings, when he’d been so eager to be home and renewing their life together.
But it was becoming more and more obvious that things were very wrong between them, and his behavior hadn’t helped.
“What have you been doing in Brighton?” she asked.
“Making reports to my superiors at headquarters, inspecting the newer troops. They’ve asked me to lead some of the drills.”
“And Miss Fournier?”
“We’ve shared the occasional meal or walk, as you saw us doing today.
Soon I had intended to hand over her care to another officer until her fiancé arrived.
She’s not happy with the arrangement and doesn’t want to be ‘foisted off on a stranger’—her words.
I’ve been trying to act in her father’s stead and counsel her, but it is not going well.
I even pointed out that I was a stranger to her at first, too, but she did not want to hear that, especially since her fiancé is also a stranger. ”
Lucy’s eyes widened. “What?”
“The marriage was arranged between her father, who would never steer her wrong, and an old friend of his.”
“And you wonder why Miss Fournier is concerned with all that’s happening to her? An arranged marriage? Perhaps she would prefer to be in love.”
“You and I are in love, and it still doesn’t make everything easy.”
She stared at him, obviously affronted, and he realized he’d once again said the wrong thing. He couldn’t take this awkward discussion for another moment, not when he knew how things used to be between them.
He took her gloved hand. “Lucy, I’ve thought about you every day since we’ve been apart. I’ve missed you terribly.” He leaned down to kiss her, inhaling the scent of roses that brought him back to summer nights, the windows open to the heat, and both of them entwined naked in their bed.
But instead of kissing him, she stepped away. “I have become accustomed to the life you left me in. I have my friends and family. You have your duty, and I can respect that. Living apart is no longer as difficult as it first was.”
He blinked at her in stunned surprise. “I don’t want to continue living apart. I’m resigning my commission. I won’t leave you again. I intend to come home and resume our married life.”
She didn’t bother to conceal her sorrow and resentment. “That life died with our child.”
While he was still gaping at her, she crossed the sitting room and entered her bedroom, closing the door behind her, separating them once again.
Reggie took a step toward her, then stopped himself. She wasn’t predisposed to listen to his rational arguments, not after everything that had been said that evening. He collapsed into a chair, shocked and bewildered.
He was left alone, as he’d been so much this last year—as she’d been.
And it had left him longing to be with her, but Lucy seemed not to feel the same way.
Their married life had died with their child?
How ridiculous was that? He tamped down his rising anger, reminding himself that he’d left her alone with her grief, without love and sympathy and caring from her husband, her partner.
She’d had friends and family, but that wasn’t the same thing as the person who’d experienced that terrible loss the same way.
Of course she was still grieving. A year wouldn’t be enough to forget such a tragedy—he certainly hadn’t forgotten, although he had to admit, in the regimented life he led, sometimes it did slip his mind.
But Lucy had been in the home they had once shared with three-year-old Anna.
He could still see her little round face, surrounded by curls, golden like her mother’s, her sweet smile so innocent as she held up her biscuit for him to take a bite. When he’d only pretended to nibble, trying to leave the treat for her, she’d stamped her foot.
“Papa, take a real bite.”
And he had, and she had grinned as if they shared a conspiracy against Cook.
The ache in his chest was a physical force, a fist that wrapped around his heart. He rubbed it absently with his hand, as he’d done so many times before, trying to wipe the pain away or force it down.
He was interrupted by a soft knock on the outer door. When he opened it, Miss Selwyn stood there, giving him her brisk, professional smile. He’d known Madeleine’s maid for weeks now, and she was so efficient and unobtrusive, he sometimes forgot she couldn’t be more than twenty-five years old.
“Miss Madeleine wondered if I could be of service to your wife, Captain. She might need help unpacking and undressing before bed.” She said the latter with no missish blush.
Reggie smiled. “That is kind of both you and Madeleine. Let me see if she agrees.”
He crossed the room and knocked softly on Lucy’s door.
After a moment, she called, “Yes?”
“Miss Selwyn is here and wonders if you need help before bed. Miss Fournier sent her.”
Another pause. Then Lucy opened the door. She looked tired, even defeated, and his heart gave another squeeze of love and sympathy.
She looked past him to see Miss Selwyn standing beside the outer door. “Thank you, Miss Selwyn. Your service is much appreciated. I’m sure the hotel can help me with someone tomorrow. Please come in.”
Miss Selwyn smoothly stepped past him, through the open door, and Lucy closed it behind her without another word.
Reggie crossed to an upholstered chair next to the bare fireplace and sank into it, putting his head back and closing his eyes.
He’d never thought that when he came home he would feel just as lost and alone as he felt in India.
And now he was resigning his commission, had been working on the paperwork to do just that these last two days.
He’d spent his entire adult life in the Queen’s army and was very used to a structured life.
He’d have to figure out what was next for him, perhaps without Lucy’s guidance. Maybe he really should come up with his own solution. He’d never been in control of his life. Lucy had been the first real decision he’d made, except for the decision to become an officer.
Now she was telling him that that decision, their marriage, had failed, and wasn’t a match brimming with love. Was he a failure?
He’d stopped pursuing the woman he might have married if he hadn’t met Lucy.
He’d never thought he might be a person who lacked commitment—but he’d left his wife within two months of Anna’s death.
They hadn’t seemed to be able to comfort each other, had lost the connection that once made him convinced that their marriage was unbreakable.
He’d thought it would be easier on her to not see his grief. But obviously it had been a terrible idea, and she’d felt abandoned instead.
The guilt of realizing that was something he hadn’t imagined. Though it had been his duty to the Crown that had taken him away, that guilt paled in comparison to knowing deep in his heart that it had been easier on him, not her. What kind of man was he?
The only way to prove that he deserved her was to show her that he could bring back the marriage they’d once had, that the love they shared could flourish again and find a way to heal them both.