23. Willow
23
WILLOW
I don't even know where to begin with Doctor Palmer. The thing with a shrink is, they know everything about us, but we don't have to know anything about them. It's a one-way relationship, although it feels more intimate than most.
I didn't feel awkward at any point when I didn't know anything about her except her excellent taste in shoes—blue patent, today. But now, I know that one thing about her, and everything is just weird.
I clear my throat. "So, you know Dimitri."
"Yes, I do. We went to college together, actually."
I blink, somewhat surprised. I know Dimitri's thirty, and I would have guessed Doctor Palmer was a bit older, maybe thirty-five or so. "You did?"
"Yes, we did pre-med together."
My surprise only grows. Dimitri in pre-med?
"I went into psychiatry, he switched to pre-law, and then STEM, I think." She tilts her head. "Or was it STEM then law? I can never remember. Either way, we stayed in touch."
I blink. "That's a lot of…indecision?"
That doesn't sound like him.
"Oh, no." She chuckles. "Dimitri knew he was going to take all three when he started. But we're not here to talk about him. He's a whole can of worms I don't want on my couch."
It's my turn to laugh now, and she smiles back, as though she's relieved I am.
"How are you feeling after tonight?"
That's easy. "Confused."
Unfortunately, I know one word isn't going to cut it. Doctor Palmer waits until I'm ready to express more.
"I'm confused about the fact that I've been watched and kept safe for three years by a man I know to be indifferent to me, confused about the fact that he sent me to one of his college buddies for therapy, and confused about what to do with myself—how to handle my issues—now that my one outlet is pretty much gone." My throat closes up as this fact hits.
Doctor Palmer bites her lip, the pen in her hand twisting between her fingers."All right, Willow, let's do things a little differently here. Usually, I keep our sessions about you, your growth, your self-worth, your triggers, right? That's how I run my client sessions. But today, we're not at the office, and I'm not on the clock. So, let's just chat, us girls, yes?"
"Sure," I agree with a grimace. I can't imagine just chatting with my psychologist.
"Ava," she introduces herself.
"Ava," I repeat awkwardly.
"Right. First of all, I want you to know I have never shared any details about our session with Dimitri. He doesn't ask, and if he did, I wouldn't say."
I smile. "He said the same thing."
"Good. He knows me well. Secondly…" she sighs. "Willow, I am going to be incredibly unprofessional here, but I'm going to point it out all the same. What makes you think Dima's indifferent to you?"
I don't know what to make of that question. "Facts?"
"Please, spell out those facts," she prompts.
It makes me feel like our previous sessions were nothing compared to her girl talk torture.
Thankfully, Ava's not a complete masochist, because she retrieves Dimitri's scotch and tops up my drink.
"I…basically stalked and harassed him for a year and a half." I'm embarrassed to say so, but I try to keep it real.
"Well, don't you think if he felt stalked and/or harassed, he wouldn't have, I don't know, gone to the police? Asked for a restraining order?"
"The police?" I snort. "Have you met Dimitri? Besides, I'm the kid sister of one of his friends. He didn't want me to be in trouble."
"Yes, well, did he ask you to stop?" she counters.
I consider the question, and come up blank.
"You used to text him, yes? Did he ask you to stop at any point?"
She doesn't continue until I shake my head.
" And you asked to intern at his company. After all the texts, of course. He said yes, and you continued your, quote, harassment there, didn't you?"
"Do I have to relive every embarrassing moment of my life right now?"
"I'm getting to the point, darling. Or, hopefully, you will. Did he fire you? Restrict your access so he wouldn't see you? Now, I'll ask: do you think Dimitri is the kind of man who would let that sort of behavior continue if he was opposed to it?"
"Why are you saying this?"
"I thought we've established I'm being unprofessional." She winks. "Although, not truly, as we aren't at the office, and you're not paying me. Although, technically, you never did; your insurance doesn't cover me. Dima settled the bill. Any idea as to why?"
I know the point she's trying to make. What I don't understand is why. "I can't go down this road, Ava. I can't just make myself think…"
"Think what, Willow?" She shifts her legs, leaning in, but I remain silent.
I can read frustration on her expression.
"I spent three years attempting to make you see what we all see in the mirror. You're a gorgeous, intelligent, irresistible woman. And I think you believe that about Ruby Red, but you still don't seem to understand that the people in your life might also see you that way."
I can't make myself reply. I can't make myself entertain this possibility.
She's trying to say she thinks Dimitri likes me, and he just doesn't .
"Let's give you a moment to process all that, yes? I'm helping some of the people downstairs. Would you like to assist me? That might take your mind of things."
"Yeah, that sounds…" I clear my throat. "I'd be happy to help."