The Breaking
How?
After everything…
After all they’d been…
Ben pulled up at the end of the street and glanced back at the two-story white house. Just one last glimpse of her. Please.
Because if she was leaving, she was leaving for good. She’d always had big dreams, ones he’d done his best to weave himself into.
Being apart during college had worried him.
Despite talking every day and meeting halfway as often as they could, he’d felt like the gap between them making a home in Sanctuary Springs was widening every year.
When she’d decided against medical school, he’d been happy he didn’t have to disguise his relief.
He’d gone and searched for weeks for the perfect ring.
But then she’d discovered this super competitive herbalist scholarship halfway across the world with some bigwig… Not wanting to hurt her, he hadn’t told her he was against it or that he thought her odds were slim to none.
But she’d won it and thought he’d love to go on one of the adventures they’d talked about, and for a while, he’d tried to envision going as she’d made all the preparations, full steam ahead like usual.
Those adventures had been happy musings with her hand in his under Big Red. He’d thought she understood the life of a rancher. They couldn’t gallivant off to places like Scotland. They had animals to feed and chores to do. Seeing how dreaming never hurt anyone, he’d played along.
Maybe he’d been lying to himself about them being able to make a home together.
“I love you. I want to marry you. In a year. Or today, as long as you realize I still need to go to Scotland.”
His mama had said similar words about how much she’d loved him and how she’d return when she left as he was starting second grade.
He was scared spitless that Hannah would enjoy the temptations and conveniences that their simpler life here in Sanctuary Springs couldn’t offer. And never return.
Biting down hard enough to bruise his lip, he urged Flame into a trot before settling into a mind-clearing gallop when he reached the end of Cattleman’s Way and followed the trail to the ranch.
Except his mind wasn’t settled. Dammit, Hannah. We had everything ahead of us. No way was he headed back to the house. Everyone would be up his ass about him staying and letting Hannah go—Will included, who he knew had followed him. He’d be no use to anyone, including the animals under his care.
He arrived at the only comfort left to him—Big Red—the lone ponderosa pine where he and Hannah had made so many memories.
Their first time. The endless picnics she’d made him go on where she’d mostly talked and he’d watched her face glow from recounting everything from how she’d found a new patch of lady’s slipper on Wild Mountain to her dream of helping people live through life-threatening fevers even doctors had no cure for. Like Sarah.
He’d never said it aloud, but he swore Hannah hadn’t died like her sister because he’d refused to let her, infusing her with all his strength and will to keep her with him.
And now? She’s leaving me. Hope’s gone. He couldn’t trust that Hannah would come back for him, which meant…I need to let her go completely. Carve her out of my heart for good.
He swung off the saddle and took the reins, leading Flame to the lone tree in the bright green valley, charging off toward Big Red after tying Flame’s reins around a smaller aspen.
The cinnamon roan was as angry and tense as he was.
Funny how animals were as smart as, if not smarter than, people.
The horse must believe Hannah was abandoning her too.
When he reached the trunk resembling gray, black, and red puzzle pieces, he settled on the ground in front of the heart he’d carved along with their initials.
Tracing the H of her name, the vanilla-and-butterscotch scent of the bark gave him a flash of her making him cookies on a snowy day they’d been cooped up.
He’d often imagined her doing the same with their children as he looked on.
Dammit. This hurts.
He had a powerful need to punch something. Anything. Because all this pain inside him threatened to tear him apart.
The first thing he’d do was whittle away their carving on Big Red.
As he went to remove his Swiss Army knife, a crack of thunder shook the earth.
Thank goodness he’d tied Flame in place, because she would have bolted otherwise.
As he settled her, dangerous clouds rolled over Wild Mountain.
A fast summer storm. Great. Just another thing to be thrown at me today. He was going to get soaked.
But first, he needed to start moving on without Hannah. As he took out his knife, a lightning flash practically blinded him. He heard the loud crack of wood splintering, ozone covered his skin and clothing, and the smell of burning wood and butterscotch reached his nose.
What the hell?
Lightning had struck Big Red. Her two north-facing branches had split open and fallen toward the ground. God. It only just missed us.
His gaze tracked to the carving he’d been about to destroy and gaped.
Of course.
The damn thing was still there. BM loves HM. Right beside the strike. Almost like the lightning had meant to stop him…
Chills broke out over his arms. He studied the exposed bare bark as the rain started to fall. It looked almost like an open book. Ironic somehow but accurate.
Life without Hannah was a new chapter.
Completely different to how I thought our story would go.
Would he be like Big Red here, broken and exposed, living with half a heartbeat?