Chapter 39
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Ben headed out to Big Red after Hannah had called him and told him to meet her there.
Luke had filled him in, his brothers nodding along. As he’d left them and sent them back to the worksite, all he could think was how sad and painful it all must have been to Hannah. After checking on Cooper, he’d saddled Flame and headed after her.
She was lying on a blanket with one booted foot up when he arrived, hands tucked behind her head, studying the sky while she was chewing on her troubles.
Her cowboy hat was tipped low over her forehead, even though Big Red’s mighty branches gave her dappled shade.
In a Western plaid shirt and jeans, her hair braided, she looked very much like the young girl who’d first taught him what it was to love and want someone with all your heart.
He tied Flame to an aspen where Orion was busy chomping at sweetgrass and walked over to where she was resting.
She rolled to her side, her eyes red and puffy from crying. “Fair warning, I’m a mess right now.”
He plunked down next to her and pulled her into his arms. “Never.”
She fitted her arms tightly around him after nestling into his chest. “Oh, Ben, it was awful. And I hear you’re going to try to talk me into leaving. Everything hurts so much right now.”
“I know it does.” He caressed her hair, wanting to comfort, praying for the right words. “I’m sure you feel kicked in the guts with all that’s happened.”
She angrily sniffed and wiped her nose. “I do.”
His heart, already hurting, tightened in response to her torment. “Well, I do too. You’re right. I am going to tell you to consider going. Not because I don’t love you and want you to stay, but because I have to be fair to you. Jolene was right about that.”
That earned him a good poke in the side. “It hurts, knowing you two want me to go.”
“We don’t. Dammit, I’m not saying this right.
” He tipped up her chin. “Hannah, I come with a hell of a lot of baggage. Even catching up with Amber this time doesn’t mean she’s going to go away.
She threatened you. I’ll do my best to protect you, but I can’t live with the thought of you getting hurt because of me. ”
She sat up and crossed her legs. “I’ve been sitting here under Big Red, thinking about how simple I wish everything was.
That we could build the wellness center in peace, just love each other, and build a home together like we always talked about.
But now…your gramps would say everything we’re trying to do is like walking uphill both ways.
Neil also made me realize something I hadn’t fully. ”
He braced himself. After knocking on the door last night with Hannah in his arms, he’d had a strange moment having the man open the door.
Like he’d been the one waiting at home for Hannah, which he had.
After depositing her upstairs, he’d come down and briefly told the man about Taft’s visit.
Walking back to his own home, he’d wondered if Neil would be quietly pleased or tortured, knowing the decision before Hannah was one of her toughest.
“What did Neil say?”
“That Taft is going to be against the center in every form and will probably try to stop what we’re doing there.”
James Taft is not going to wage war and get away with it.
“He can try,” Ben bit out, “but we McAllisters are made of tougher stock than that. Hannah, you need to decide what’s best for you, but Will wants and needs that center too, and that’s why I’m going to move heaven and earth to make it happen.
We’ll handle what Taft dishes out. Maybe I’ll even discover how to make his life a little difficult. ”
She touched his arm. “I know you’re going to fight. Part of me wants to be there with you.”
Would he have expected anything less? “I also had run-ins with both your parents last night. Your father wants you to leave—”
“No, he doesn’t,” she said, swallowing thickly, and filled him in on the entire conversation, one he was baffled by.
“Do you know how long it’s been since my father said he was proud of me or anything that resembled human kindness?”
There was accusation in her tone, but Ben knew it was directed at the only other man who’d hurt her like he had.
“Now there’s Mom’s condition to consider. I feel like everyone is either hurting because I’ll leave or worrying because I might stay. How am I supposed to make a decision with this much pain and confusion involved?”
Pain choked him. “I don’t know, and I’m sorry you have to. One thing I do know is that you’ll listen to your heart and hear what’s best for you.”
She lay back and pressed her hands to her eyes. “God, I hope so. I feel like I’m going to be out here all day, figuring things out.”
He wanted to hold her again and give her all the comfort he had inside him, but she needed to be free and clear to make her decision. Instead, he got up and stood over her, his shadow larger on the ground than he felt at this moment.
“Whatever you choose, we’re good.” He laid a hand on his heart as she lifted her gaze to his. “I want you to stay, even if what I can’t control scares me. But I’ll understand if you go. Hannah, I’ll always be glad you came back as much as I’ll always love you.”
With his piece said, he strode to his horse. Except Flame stepped back from him. Her dark eyes were almost humanlike in her understanding. He’d always thought there was some greater spirit in a horse than anyone could fully reckon.
Well, girl, you took a hell of a time to befriend the woman hurting over there.
Following his instincts, he untied her reins and then changed saddles. Orion nickered a welcome as he swung onto him and headed out.
Perhaps Sarah’s long hand was at work or something even greater. Looking back over his shoulder, he watched as Flame started walking toward Hannah.
Finally.
Turning back in the saddle, he found there was a burgeoning hope in his chest as he headed home.
By God, it felt damn good.