Chapter 21 #2
“That’s not that much older.” Wren scoffed. “Tell us.”
Watching them challenge each other, then accept and match the intensity made Rowan feel like she was watching a hostage negotiation.
Beckett sat back in her chair and pulled at the miniscule creases in her pants to straighten them. She looked back at Wren. “Pamela Anderson.”
The whole group burst into laughter.
“The formidable, dangerous, always serious Councilwoman Lightfoot had a thing for Pamela Anderson. I would have never, ever guessed,” Kyle laughed through his words as he wiped his eyes.
“You have a thing for big tits?” Wren asked over the laughter.
Beckett chuckled into the mouth of the beer bottle she was holding precariously by the neck between her thumb and two other fingers as she took a swig. “More like a thing for women in tiny red bathing suits.”
Wren seemed to consider this. She looked down at her own tiny red outfit.
“But to answer your question, the size of the tits doesn’t matter much to me. Would I turn down bouncing tits in my face of any size? No way in hell.”
Wren narrowed her eyes but a faint smile crept across her face. “What an interesting turn of events.”
Beckett winked at Wren, then clinked her bottle with Rowan who was trying to suppress a violent snicker.
Juniper nudged Rowan’s chair with her foot. “Are you guys bro-ing out over there?”
Rowan turned toward Beckett. “I don’t know, Councilwoman, is that considered bro-ing out?” She asked in a playfully irreverent tone.
“We’re bonding over our shared love of beautiful women. If you consider that bro-ing out, then…” Beckett offered a nonchalant shrug, “so be it.”
“There’s your answer,” Rowan said as she turned back toward Juniper. She smiled coyly as she brought the bottle to her lips.
“Alright, Kyle, your turn, but we’re changing the topic.” Juniper redirected everyone’s attention. “What is the craziest thing you’ve done in a relationship?”
Kyle’s giggle started low and quiet. “I got a secret tattoo for an ex-boyfriend.”
Wren threw her hand onto his forearm. “Stop it, Kyle. Even I don’t know about it?!”
He shook his head and giggled louder. “It’s of a gummy bear.”
“Where, Kyle? Where?” Wren gripped his forearm harder.
“On my ass cheek.”
“I’m so fucking mad! Show it to me right now! I’m supposed to be your best friend.”
Kyle got up, turned his butt toward the group, and slightly pulled his pants down on one side. Rowan couldn’t believe what she was seeing. He did, indeed, have a pink gummy bear tattooed on his right ass cheek.
When the laughter died down, it was Beckett’s turn to redirect the game.
“And what about you, Wren?”
“What about me?”
“Are you going to answer the question for the game?”
“Remind me.”
“What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in a relationship?”
Wren laughed loudly. “One time I was having sex with this guy, and it was like, really not good, so…” She lost her steam and paused, pressing her lips together.
Wren was categorically unguarded. Almost the polar opposite to her cousin. So it didn’t surprise Rowan when she launched into an embarrassing story without realizing just how embarrassing it was until it was too late.
“It wasn’t good?” Beckett prompted.
Wren cleared her throat, crossed her legs, and shook her foot against her calf. “Why is it so hard to find a clit, ya know? I fell asleep.”
Beckett paused lifting her beer bottle to her lips and lifted a single eyebrow. “Oh.”
“Happens to the best of us,” Kyle attempted.
Well, you’re gay. How many clits have you tried to find?
Rowan thought it but didn’t dare say it. By the confused frown on Beckett’s face, that was not akin to her experience either.
“Anyway, we weren’t even in a relationship, so that story didn’t really count toward the question. Anyone have another question?” She picked at the hem of her shorts.
“Sure-” Beckett quickly interjected, and Rowan loved her for it, “Uh, if you could be a famous musician for a day, who would you be?”
“Christina Aguilera.” She smiled dimly but didn’t elaborate.
“This might surprise you, but that album where she did that whole pin-up girl thing was on major rotation on my iPod during my second Afghanistan deployment.”
Wren’s smile softened. “It doesn’t really surprise me at all. Thank you.”
Beckett nodded at her and started smoothing back down where the label on her beer bottle had peeled up.
Putting back on her sunshiney demeanor, Wren turned to Juniper and Rowan and slapped her hands against her thighs. “You guys go to New York on Monday, right?”
“We do. Maybe it’s time we start winding down?” Juniper looked at Rowan.
Rowan agreed and stood.
After the others went inside to say their final goodbyes, Rowan spent a few minutes cleaning up her backyard with Beckett’s assistance.
The two of them made quick work of collapsing the chairs and storing them in the small storage shed to the side of the yard.
Rowan noticed Juniper had come back outside to toast another marshmallow.
“Just one more!” Juniper called out to her.
“Whatever you want,” Rowan replied and meant in more ways than one, as she watched Juniper lean over top of where the fire had been roaring earlier that night, to reach the last remaining flames.
She was captivated by the way Juniper moved her body, the way her breasts pressed up against the top of her dress while learning over, the way her brown skin glowed in the moonlight–
She felt a nudging elbow make swift contact with her ribs.
“Are you two, you know,” Beckett suggested, glancing toward Juniper, as she closed the storage shed.
“Are we, what?”
Beckett lifted an eyebrow. “Why don’t you fill in the blank on that one?”
Rowan laughed softly and paused before answering so she could turn back and take in the full view of Juniper making her way back into the house.
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly, as the reality of the way they hadn’t defined what had been going on sunk in.
“What could you possibly not know about with her?” Beckett asked sarcastically.
“It’s complicated. We have… a past. I fucked up pretty bad when we were teenagers.”
“Long history, then.”
“Fifteen years long. I had my reasons for doing what I did. Still doesn’t make it hurt less for her that I did it.”
“Huh,” Beckett responded, thoughtfully this time, before adding, “Do you think it would work out differently this time?”
“I do. I absolutely do. I think she does. I’m just not totally sure.”
“Have you talked about it?”
“We’ve talked about so much. We’ve shared so much. For some reason, we haven’t gotten to that final part where we officially say ‘this is it.’ Maybe I’m afraid everything we’ve worked on won’t be enough to erase the past.”
She wasn’t afraid of herself being the one who’d run away anymore.
She was realizing she was afraid that Juniper could say this wasn’t enough.
That maybe she’d try it for a while, but ultimately Rowan had hurt her too badly for her to ever fully put her heart and soul into this new thing.
Rowan knew she’d be absolutely within her right to feel those things.
Even though Rowan despised having these doubtful thoughts, especially right before they were taking a huge trip together for the first time, the honesty to share these things with Beckett felt refreshing, invigorating even.
She had never had someone she could confide in like this, another queer person from her community. She found the courage to keep going.
“I’m in love with her. I told her that. She told me the same.”
“Damn,” Beckett acknowledged with a deep sigh, “I don’t mess with love personally, but if I did, and I had someone who looked at me the way she looks at you, there would be no question.”
Rowan turned to look at Beckett and gave her a skeptical look. “You don’t mess with love, huh? You just like hitting on Wren?”
“You don’t have to believe in love to find a woman attractive.”
Rowan conceded with a teasing smile. “If that’s what works for you.”
“Hasn’t failed me yet at least,” Beckett clapped her shoulder.
“Hey, can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“I’m assuming this place, these people weren’t so accepting when you were younger either.” Beckett nodded in acknowledgement. “What made you decide to come back and stay? After all that you’d done in your career and everywhere you’d traveled?”
“It’s where I’m from. I might have needed a break, but I always knew this is where I’d end up. Coming back home doesn’t mean you can’t ever leave. I take a few vacations a year to experience new things again.”
Rowan considered that for a few moments in silence.
It was true. She and Juniper were about to go to New York City to work on their shared passion.
She’d support Juniper doing something on her own.
She’d also take Juniper anywhere. A vacation with Juniper sounded absolutely amazing.
She filed that away for when their work would hit a natural lull at the end of summer.
Beckett continued, “As an adult living in the community again, I have the power to change things and make them better for us all. I’m not a sentimental person by any means, but I do find hope in that.”
“I find hope in that too.”