Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
M arla, Lulu’s mother, totters into the room in a cloud of spice perfume. ‘Oh, Gemma, hello darling.’
The waft is so thick, I start coughing.
‘Oh Gemm-air, reeeaaaaally. Gosh, that better not be contagious. You can’t be around Lulu if you’re sick. She looks divine and we caaaaan’t have any hiccups.’
I remember why I dislike being these people. For starters, we don’t sound like that. We’re all from Essex so I don’t know why she suddenly speaks as if she were auditioning for the new Made in Chelsea . Lulu’s the worst though, you’d think she was an actual member of the Royal Family. I resist calling Marla ‘babes’ to remind her where we’re from, but I’m highly tempted.
Marla turns around to look at Weasel. ‘And who do we have here?’ Her eyes almost boggle staring at his smooth chest. ‘In … not much at all.’ Marla winks like the cougar of cougars and it makes me feel a tad ill. ‘I’m Marla, mother of the gorgeous bride.’ Her hair is bleached blonde, hairsprayed within an inch of its life so it looks more like a fortress set across her head in a curled bob that wouldn’t move even in a tornado. She’s wearing a French lace top and skirt in a soft nougat cream colour that’s close enough to white that she could pass for the bride.
‘This is uh, Wea—, Be—’ I start to say, before Weasel steps forward offering his hand and says, ‘I’m Adam.’
‘Well, what a fine young specimen,’ Marla coos, not shaking his hand, but instead offering, for him to kiss, a hand which is covered in gold and diamond rings, and to my disbelief, Ben doesn’t even hesitate – he bends his head and gives the back of Marla’s hand a quick kiss.
‘You’re from Australia?’ she twitters, looking at where he’s just kissed her. ‘They doooo make them loveleh down there.’
Ben smiles and says, ‘It seems they do the same in England, too.’
I want to die, right then and there. My half-sister’s mother is about to do a soft porn with my pretend boyfriend.
‘Well, I do hope that youuu have a loveleh time in Italeh.’ Marla is now putting on an even posher English accent than The Queen. ‘Now, I must be ooooff, but Gemma, you’re needed downstairs by your mother.’ She turns back and winks at Weasel. ‘And Adam, I’ll seeh you at the welcome drinks. Sorreh I can’t stay longer.’
Marla turns to go, but before she reaches the door, she spins around. ‘And do get changed out of your nightie, Gemma, no one wants to see that from the corridor.’ And with that she leaves.
I take a deep breath. ‘Well, that was … horrible.’ I’m regretting all the decisions I’ve made that have brought me here to this moment.
Weasel smirks a bit, watching me bite my cuticles, a nervous habit that makes an appearance when my anxiety rockets sky high.
I sigh. ‘This is never going to work, you know, pretending we’re together. I honestly do think it’s best if you just left. Or stay here, in the room, but not be part of this wedding business.’
‘So you can be matched with other single, older men at the wedding for the next few days? And have to confess Adam didn’t turn up and then look like you made him up?’
I narrow my eyes. ‘ Ruby .’
‘She’s quite the informant if you give her a bit of coffee and chocolate.’ His eyes twinkle because he knows his jibes are getting to me.
‘And what do you get out of this?’
‘A bit of entertainment.’ He winks.
I fight the wave of fury that rises in me. ‘You’re heinous. Truly.’
‘You know, Gemma, this other side to you is actually quite intriguing. I didn’t know you had it in you. It’s far more interesting than the version of you that’s just being nice to everyone all the time.’
I’m about to protest and say I’m not always nice, but it’s not true and he knows it. I am always nice. But not right now. Right now, I’m seething and he can tell. This is what Ben does to me. Sends me into fits of anger.
‘We can’t do this. We can’t pretend to even like each other. We’ll fight and it will be over in seconds. What the hell was Ruby thinking? What were you thinking? This is rubbish.’
‘Now, Gemma, don’t get mad, you’re not very good at it. Out of practice?’
I hate him.
‘Actually, if you stopped pretending to hate me, you’ll be surprised at how wonderful a boyfriend I can be.’
‘What makes you think I’m pretending?’ Every bone in my body detests you.
He gives me a lopsided, charming smile. ‘Well, let’s see how you feel a few days from now, Gemmies.’
‘That’s. Not. My. Name.’ My blood boils.
‘Shall we do our couple names? Gadam. Ademma. Oh, that’s terrible, isn’t it? Oh well, at least I’ll save you from all those relatives asking why you’re single.’
He has me and he knows it. But it feels like everything is spiralling out of control. ‘You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?’
The edges of his lips turn up. ‘Yes, a little.’
I spin around and head for the corridor. ‘I’m going to my room. I’ll meet you downstairs for drinks.’
‘Yes, darling, you better get out of your nightie.’ He winks and I can see the corners of his mouth fighting a laugh.