Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
A s soon as Ben leaves, I go downstairs to the hotel’s small bistro, La Tavola. Painted on the walls are the most majestic scenes of rural Italy: murals of lavender tufts, and small cottages and the hills of Tuscany. I close my eyes and inhale the scent of fresh garlic frying in the pan. I order red wine, which comes in a long-stemmed glass. It’s not even midday, but I don’t care. Soon my food arrives piping hot, big billowy gnocchi dumplings, with lashings of pesto oil and parmesan. Two slices of crusty oven-baked bread. The food is heaven after not eating properly for a day, and I find myself eating way more than I should. It’s comforting and grounding in exactly the way I needed it to be.
After lunch, I go outside for a stroll, following the tree-lined driveway down to the rolling vineyards. The vines are in full bloom, little white flowers marking each row. Over on the next hill, there are cute lines of olive trees. I imagine myself buying a house here overlooking the hills, a little shack even. How much would it cost? Could I renovate something, breathe life back into it, eat olives at night under the stars, have breakfast on the terrace every morning, and just write?
With only two days left in Italy, every moment counts to relax. I take a deep breath, slip my shoes off and sink my feet deep into the earth, which is warm like oven-baked bread. My phone vibrates. Hannah.
‘I’m dying to know how it’s going!’ she almost screams.
I fill her in on the Gem-man debacle and she has a very Hannah response.
‘That is horrible. I hope someone told them to fuck right off. I would have if I were there.’
When I tell her about Ben suggesting I say something and then offering to do it himself, Hannah has a very non-Hannah response.
‘Hmmm…’
‘Hmm what?’
‘I like him.’
‘ What ?’
‘I like his vibe. Radical honesty. I’m gonna try that.’
I laugh so hard I almost snort. ‘You already do.’
‘Do I?’ she says wryly. ‘Well, this is certainly very different from the guys you’re normally with.’
Here she goes. ‘You mean Adam.’
‘I do. He wouldn’t say a thing for you. If a dinosaur came up and started growling like it was going to tear you apart, he’d say something like “Fear is just a state of mind”.’
I laugh. ‘It’s not that bad.’
‘Well, I like this Ben. Tell me more about him.’
I can’t bring myself to tell her that I’m having thoughts about him that I shouldn’t be having, considering I have a boyfriend. Surely it’s just a silly crush. Like when actors pretend to be in love, sometimes they get confused, and start to actually think they are. Instead, I tell Han about how he looked after me when I was sick, and helped with the name tags.
‘We’ve called a truce, but still, I can’t shake the feeling he was talking about me when he said it’s over.’
‘You don’t know that for sure until you ask him what he meant. And since he’s been promoted, what would he gain from that?’
I ponder that, and pause at the top of a row of vines, extending my fingers to trace a fresh green leaf. ‘Maybe…’
‘Definitely. Just tell him you overheard him and ask him exactly what he meant. And then you can know for sure where you stand.’
When I put down the phone, I think about what she’s just said. Could I tell him I’ve heard those exact words? Just ask him openly? And would he give me the truth, even if it meant telling me that yes, he said that?
I don’t want to think about it, and there’s something else niggling me, heavy on my heart like guilt. So I call Adam and confess about Weasel faux-kissing me. Radical fucking honesty.
He laughs. ‘That’s fine, Gem.’
‘It is? ’ I ask in disbelief, because if the shoe had been on the other foot, I doubt I would have been so generous.
‘It means nothing, so of course it’s okay.’
I’m flummoxed. Not even a shred of worry.
‘Okay, well … that’s great.’
For a while we chat about his ceiling (he’s chuffed how clean it is) and his excitement about his new job, and he asks me about property prices in Italy because he’s read they are going down.
I feel a swell of hope. ‘Oh! Are you thinking a holiday villa in the hills with a large outdoor courtyard?’ Already I’m picturing us exploring sweet secret towns and eating a mound of cheese a day.
‘Not at all. Too many repairs. I was thinking we could start to invest in a small unit when the time is right. Build our property portfolio internationally .’
He’s right. I got carried away. But still, it’s a fabulous feeling, that I could one day live here.
When we hang up, I call Ruby as I walk back to my hotel room.
‘ANNNNND?’ Ruby squeals down the phone. ‘HOW IS IT?’
‘It’s weird.’
‘I’m so happy to hear from you. And that you’re still talking to me.’
I couldn’t be mad at her, not even for a second. ‘It seems so.’
‘I was beside myself wondering what you’d think.’
‘Well, I do want to know why on earth you chose him.’
‘Ben overheard me on the phone, trying to convince Craig, and he asked what was going on. So I just confessed. He has this way of looking intensely at you.’
Don’t I know that look. Just thinking about it makes my body shiver a bit and break out in goosebumps.
‘And he seemed interested in going to Italy. Kept talking about an author he was keen to sign. How cool is that? An Italian author. Oh, and he did say something about the money.’
I feel strange about that, that maybe he was only here for the five hundred I’d offered. For some reason my heart drops.
‘But isn’t he lovely?’ She giggles. ‘So maybe it was weird initially but a good plan in the end?’
‘Good is a stretch. I still don’t know. I don’t trust him yet, but we’ve called a truce, so at least we are being polite to each other.’
‘I’ve been pulling out tarot cards, and you’ll never guess what I got. Ace of Cups. New beginnings. And Two of Cups. Lovers’ meeting! Cups means EMOTIONS,’ she tells me as though I should know already.
I don’t feel so sure. ‘I hardly think that.’
Ruby’s voice takes a more serious tone. ‘But he is quite funny. I know you’ve never taken to him, but the rest of us think he’s actually lovely.’
‘You do?’ I’m amazed. ‘Even Gavin who he can’t remember how many kids he has?’
Ruby sighs slightly. ‘Yeah, I admit he can come across a bit blunt and direct, like he doesn’t care, but he shows he does in other ways. Like the time he helped Gavin get all his edits in by pulling an all-nighter.’
‘He did?’ My mouth drops open.
‘Yep. And what about the time he found your files and put them on your desk, the ones you looked for for ages and no one else helped you with?’
I collapse onto the hotel bed. ‘ He did?’
‘He did.’ I can almost hear her nodding emphatically.
‘I thought that was you.’
‘Nope. Him.’
‘Then why did I think he was such a … monster?’
‘Because he’s competitive, because he’s successful, because he’s kinda your rival. You’re both really good at your job. And he banters, and maybe you don’t like his sense of humour because it seems mean. But really he’s all bark, no bite.’
My world is spinning. I feel giddy. It’s true. Weasel is lovely. Weasel helps people. Weasel is all bark, no bite.
Ruby continues. ‘From what I know, he thinks just like you do. He loves books. He loves words. He has ambitions.’
‘And supermodels,’ I say, trying to think of anything that would bring him down a peg or two.
‘He hangs around with them a bit, sure. But he’s just a person who likes, uhh … pretty things.’
I wrinkle my nose in disgust. ‘You mean superficial.’
‘Not exactly. Just … I’m sure no man would complain if his social group was full of supermodels.’
‘I prefer men with brains. Nerdy, intelligent brains. Anyway, I don’t know why we’re talking about this. I have Adam. It’s not like this is anything .’
‘Are you sure? I mean … TWO OF CUPS.’
‘A fluke,’ I say. I’m not actually going to start believing the cards now.
‘Hold on.’ Suddenly she gasps. ‘Oh God, I just asked about your current situation and turned over the Ten of Cups.’
‘And?’ I say, leaning forward and cupping my hand around the phone so I can hear her more clearly. ‘This means?’
‘God, I hate to say it, it sounds so cliché.’
‘But?’
‘It means happily ever after.’
‘Ohhh, I get it. With me and Adam clearly. We’re serious, and considering buying a house.’ The Adam List, I think fondly.
‘Okay, sure.’ Ruby doesn’t sound convinced at all. ‘I could pull a card for you and Adam specifically…’
‘No, that’s fine.’ I don’t want to know.
Then I look at the clock, almost two p.m. ‘Rubes, I have to go. Have some massage spa thing.’
‘Oh, sounds amazing.’
I put down the phone and think about what I’ve just discovered, which is making my head spin. Weasel is lovely. Weasel helped out. Weasel isn’t a weasel, apparently, at all. I feel like someone has just told me the earth is flat, and not a sphere, and everything I’ve ever known was a lie.
My mind is reeling, and I want to digest everything, but I have to go. Spa time.