Chapter 22
22
CLAIRE
The truth of those words startled me. Dan and I had broken up more than a year ago, and yet the relationship still loomed large in my mind, impacting my life in ways I didn’t even realize.
I’d been naive with Dan, sure, but I didn’t have to be with Hudson. I could walk into this relationship with clear eyes, knowing it was only meant to last for a few amazing days. I could drink my fill of him like some healing elixir, and then move on a stronger woman. Hudson wasn’t a risk. He was a chance to turn my back on all that hurt and anger and humiliation.
“Fuck,” Hudson murmured. I looked behind me, where Hudson had been trailing by a couple steps.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
Hudson took the two stairs in a single long stride, crowding me on our shared step. He grinned down at me, hooking a single finger in the belt loop of my jeans. “You look phenomenal in these jeans, babe, and I can’t believe I just passed up the chance to take them off you.” I smiled wryly, and he chuckled. “One more kiss before I resume pretending to enjoy Ethan and Grant’s company?”
I inhaled deeply, letting my eyes flutter closed as he leaned in to capture my lips, his hands finding their way up until one held my face tilted up to him and the other brushed back my hair.
My kisses had been aggressive and lusty, but Hudson moved far more slowly, sampling me like I was a taste he wanted to savor. Still, when my lips parted for him he didn’t hesitate. His tongue slipped in along mine, moving in sweeps and thrusts that my body emulated, my hips canting toward his with a need that surprised me.
I was out of breath when he broke the kiss, my body too overwhelmed by sensation to worry about such paltry concerns. “You ready?” he asked on a quiet breath.
I most certainly was not. I was pretty sure I was flushed and mussed and so damn turned on I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. “I’m good,” I lied, glancing down. “Do I look?—”
“Spectacular,” he interrupted before I could ask.
“Okay,” I murmured, smoothing my hands over my hair. “You go ahead outside and I’ll check on Emily.”
He nodded once and squeezed my hand, then stepped ahead of me and headed out the door, understanding we’d cover our absence better by splitting up. I watched him go, then slumped against the cool wall of the stairwell, sighing deeply, my head thunking painfully against the cement behind me.
What was I doing? I couldn’t be one of those women who had one-night stands and walked home with last night’s thong in their pocket. I didn’t even own a thong.
My eyes fell closed. But Hudson. God, Hudson. Sometimes he looked at me, and it felt like I was right on the verge of an anxiety attack, like I could fall off a cliff into some great unknown—except, instead of fearing it, I wanted to dive into the feeling.
He made my skin buzz and my chest hurt, and God help me, he made me ache. I could normally go months without masturbating—just sort of forget I was a sexual being—but around Hudson, thinking about sex not only felt natural, it felt necessary.
I shook my head, a miserable war raging in my brain. I knew I shouldn’t even consider this, and yet I couldn’t turn away. At a loss, I slipped out my phone and opened the internet.
Percentage of one night stands that become relationships
I skimmed over the answers quickly.
Sixty percent of people have had a one-night stand and thirty percent of them turned it into a relationship.
I frowned, not sure whether to consider this news good or bad, then stuffed the phone back into my pocket, hurrying up the stairs and walking back into the kitchen.
Even at a distance I could see Emily was done cutting the melon, and now stood with a single hip against the counter, talking to Tessa, Agatha, and Mom. I hoped I could slip into their conversation without drawing too much attention to myself now that I’d been downstairs so long.
“Oh, Claire,” Mom said as I stepped into their loosely knit circle. “Agatha was just telling us about Grant joining the practice.”
I lifted a brow politely at Agatha, smiling and nodding, which was as much interest as I could muster on the subject of Grant Dupree.
“It really sounds lovely,” Emily agreed, but I recognized the strain in her voice. “Claire Bear, can you show me where the drinks are outside?” Emily asked. “If you’ll excuse me,” she added, touching Agatha’s arm.
“Of course, dear,” the older woman replied. “It was nice to hear your residency is going so well.”
“I’ll come with you,” Tessa said abruptly, adding, “I’m thirsty,” awkwardly as Mom and Agatha shifted to talk amongst themselves.
“Getting an earful about Grant?” I murmured as we got far enough away to offer privacy.
Emily scoffed. “Don’t worry, they’re saving Grant for you. I’m getting an earful about how great the practice is, and how, if I just moved back home, I could have the same.”
“Where’s Hudson?” Tessa asked, sparing me from having to comment on our mother’s constant interference in our lives.
I gave a casual nod to the door as if I wasn’t obsessing about the man at that very second. Emily gave a twitch of the eyebrow that said she wasn’t fooled, but Tessa seemed oblivious.
“Is that where Grant and his dad are as well?” Tess asked.
“The better question,” Emily offered, ignoring Tessa’s query completely, “is where Nora and Ethan are. Isn’t this their party?”
At this Tessa frowned, rolling her eyes. “Nora and Ethan are late to everything. I’m sure they’ll have us waiting at the wedding, too.”
“Of course they will,” Emily grumbled, turning the doorknob to take us out back.
I didn’t comment, partially because I preferred not to embroil myself in my sisters’ bickering and infighting, and partially because I was too busy thinking about Hudson to care if Nora was late again.
I was the last of my sisters through the door, but Hudson’s eyes were on me as I stepped through the threshold, and his lips curled up at the corner. Now that I’d decided to have something short-term and fun with Hud, I regretted wasting the last two days avoiding the possibility of something physical. I couldn’t keep him forever, but I was damn-well sure one night wasn’t going to be enough.
Emily, Tessa, and I joined the small circle of men with Alexandra, and Hud shifted closer to me, threading his fingers through mine. Those fingers were long and thick and gloriously masculine, and I promised myself I’d make time to really look at them later.
I glanced up at his face, noticing the way the sunlight lit his dark eyes, and thought there was entirely too much Hudson to see in the few days we had left. If I were smart, I’d bail on this party and drag him back to my childhood bedroom this very instant.
Hudson glanced in my direction, cocking an eyebrow at me and smiling jauntily. I pressed my lips between my teeth, suppressing a girlish giggle, but unable to hide my goofy smile.
“Tonight was…” Hudson trailed off, and I glanced in his direction, curious to hear the whole thought. “Uneventful.”
My brow knit as my eyes returned to the road and I made a right turn that led us away from my parents' home. I figured if we were going to have an uncomfortable conversation where Hudson rethought the one-night stand idea, it would be better to have it in a car, where eye contact wouldn’t be necessary. If Hudson noticed the wrong turn, he said nothing. “What do you mean?” I asked, keeping my voice even.
He set a hand on my thigh, and I nearly gasped at the warmth of his touch through my pants. “I half expected your mom to have you and Grant decorate a Christmas tree together.”
“It’s August,” I replied, perplexed.
Hudson chuckled. “I know, but isn’t that what meddling mothers do in Lifetime movies?”
This time I laughed, the feeling light and airy as I realized he wasn’t reconsidering. He was holding my thigh and cracking jokes. “Only in the Christmas ones, I’m pretty sure. You find yourself watching a lot of Lifetime movies?” I asked, a grin still playing on my lips as I snuck a glance in his direction.
Hudson shrugged, his eyes narrowing as the car approached a stop sign and he looked out the window. “My mother and sister like them, so I’ve seen my share. Don’t your parents live that way?” he asked, pointing left.
“This is the back way. It’s faster,” I lied smoothly, making the turn as if it’d been my intention.
He hummed thoughtfully, his fingers sliding around my thigh and settling between my legs. They lay too close to my knee to be overtly sexual, and yet my neglected body lit up like he’d found every erogenous zone all at once. “I rather hoped you were finding some secluded spot for us,” he replied with a chuckle.
I wished with every fiber of my being I had been one of those cool kids who’d known where good secluded spots were in Bridgeport. Unfortunately, I knew of none. “I don’t know any secluded spots,” I admitted, and Hudson laughed.
“Wouldn’t expect you to, Claire,” he said, and seeing my frown added, “I don’t know of any places in Cranberry Falls either, or I’d be telling you to take another right and drive there.”
I laughed at the absolute absurdity of the situation. Here I was, on a date (of sorts) with a man who had an empty apartment a single floor above my empty apartment, and somehow I was stuck trying to have a one-night stand with him in my childhood bedroom surrounded by meddlesome, disapproving family. Hudson laughed in reply, glancing my way as I made the final left turn toward my parents’ house. His smiling face was warm and open, and I wished I had a picture to remember the moment.
Shit. Thoughts like that are a fast track to feelings , I scolded myself, my eyes darting back toward the road as I reached my parents’ block and pulled up to the curb in front of their house. As I’d expected, Emily’s car was alone in the driveway.
We’d taken Emily’s exit as a sign it was acceptable to leave the barbecue after dessert was served, but Mom, Dad, and Tess had still been chatting away.
Hudson unclicked his seatbelt, but I hesitated. It was 8:23. The sun was still up. There was no way I could claim to be ready for bed, and yet the idea of sitting down and watching my parents' DVR list with Hudson horrified me. Perhaps I should’ve thought of this before I’d said my goodbyes at the Duprees.
“Claire?” Hudson asked, and the single syllable sounded so delicious when it came from his lips.
I should lie, but I was particularly terrible at lying. I’d tried to lie about dating someone and here I was, 200 miles away from home, preparing to sleep with my fake boyfriend. “It seems very weird to go up to bed before the sun sets, but it would also be awkward to go inside and, like, watch TV with you,” I said, which was the complete and embarrassing truth.
Hudson shifted in his seat until he faced me as best as the seat would allow. “Let me guess…Your favorite show is… Jeopardy .”
“My favorite show is Chicago Fire ,” I replied honestly before I could reconsider being so honest. And then, since I’d already said it, I added, “But I also like Chicago Med and Chicago PD. ”
Hudson rolled his lips between his teeth, barely concealing laughter, and I blushed. “We could go watch an episode. I’ve never seen it. You can tell me what you like about it,” he offered.
What I liked about it was mostly Taylor Kinney, particularly shirtless, but I had at least enough sense not to blurt that out. “I don’t think you’ll enjoy it.” I paused, not idiotic enough to consider sharing a show in which firefighters were in constant peril with Hudson, but also not looking to shut down the whole idea. “Is there something you watch?” I prepared myself to say yes to watching anything, no matter how loathsome, because I had the feeling this moment mattered. It shouldn’t, I reminded myself. You didn’t need television compatibility with a one-night stand, and yet the yes was on my lips, ready to agree to golf or bowling or even black-and-white westerns.
“I usually enjoy documentaries on Netflix,” he suggested.
“Yes,” I replied quickly, then cocked my head as the words permeated my nervous brain and I realized he’d actually suggested something good. “Yes,” I repeated, genuine this time. “I like those, too.” He beamed at me, a smile powerful enough to knock the panties right off anyone in its path, and I rethought the wisdom of watching TV together. I was pretty sure I would never forgive myself if one more thing got in the way of Hudson’s naked body pressing between my thighs. Thighs I was now clenching together. “Have you seen The Tinder Swindler? ”
His eyes widened in excitement, a very adorable look for such a sexy man. “No. I heard about it, but never got around to watching it. Have you seen it? Is it good?”
I’d always been seventy percent too scared and thirty percent too self-conscious to use a dating app, but I didn’t know of any single women my age who hadn’t seen The Tinder Swindler . It was mandatory viewing in this demographic. “It’s really good.”
“Alright, Tinder Swindler and then, when we’re tired, we’ll head up to bed.”
“Or before we’re too tired,” I suggested, a statement that could’ve been sexy or coy, but probably came off as neither since I was only verifying our existing plans. I rolled my lips between my teeth, wishing I could be less awkward.
There were any number of raised-brow expressions Hudson could’ve made in that moment that would’ve made me feel naive and goofy, but to Hudson’s credit, he made none of them. Instead, he reached out, his hand cupping my neck and pulling me closer as he leaned his body across the gearshift. He tipped forward slightly so our foreheads touched before our lips could.
My eyelashes fluttered, waiting for Hud to say something, but he was quiet, closing his eyes and inhaling my air. My breathing mirrored his, and I relaxed into my seat, letting my eyes drift closed.
A beat passed, then a second and third, and with my eyes closed I grew aware of all my other senses. I cataloged each sensation—the hard plane of his skull where our foreheads met, the gentle swipe of his thumb—its texture rough—over my jaw, the noisy inhalations he made through his nose, and the quiet warmth of exhaled breath from his mouth. It smelled faintly of watermelon, and my lips curled into a smile. I was doing a terrible job not falling for my one-night stand, but I didn’t care right then, and I lifted my chin until our lips met. “Claire,” he moaned into my mouth, deepening the kiss, and I reached for his shoulders, desperately trying to pull him closer.
Hudson’s hand slid down my jaw to my neck and finally down to cup one breast, then he jerked back so quickly I couldn’t help but look down at myself as if I may find something amiss. “I’m sorry,” he said with a nervous chuckle, hooking a finger under my chin and drawing my gaze back up. “It’s not you. It was the headlights.” Hudson nodded toward the car that had just driven past. “I assume you’d be mortified to be in a compromising situation when your parents pulled up.”
As a matter of fact, I could think of few things worse than being caught having sex on the street by my parents, a fact which seemed to fly right out of my mind every time Hudson kissed me. When his lips were on mine, sex anywhere and everywhere seemed like a good idea. “I read it’s important to do some deep stretching or yoga before attempting to have sex in a car,” I said, and Hudson barked out a laugh. “That’s what I read,” I repeated, feeling silly.
“I’m sure you did, and it’s probably right, I just can’t imagine going to that much trouble. Having sex in a car should be impulsive. If you have time for a yoga sesh, you probably have time to drive to a bed.”
His point was entirely reasonable. “I suppose that’s true,” I agreed. “The same article also suggested bringing extra toiletries and a change of clothes,” I acknowledged.
Hudson laughed again, unclicking his seatbelt. “How can someone engage in this level of planning, but fail to plan for a bed?”
Following suit, I unbuckled my seatbelt. “I don't know. I imagine they thought being in a car would be sexy.”
We both swung our doors open, stepping out into twilight. Hud regarded me over the roof. “I had sex in a car once, when I was nineteen. It was nowhere near as good as sex in a bed.”
I remained silent. I had never once had sex outside of a bed, and I had nothing to add to the conversation, other than that I did yoga, but it seemed like a stupid time to share this detail about my life, especially as Hudson was in the midst of sharing his far more elaborate sexual history.
Recognizing the awkward pause for what it was, Hudson shrugged a single shoulder. “Ready for some Tinder Swindler ?”
I nodded, walking around the car to join him on the curb. Then Hudson knitted his fingers through mine and we walked to the front door.
Emily looked around the corner from the kitchen as Hudson and I stepped inside. “Oh, sorry,” she said. “I thought you might be Mom and Dad.”
“They’re still at the party,” I replied. “We’re going to go watch The Tinder Swindler. Hudson’s never seen it.”
Emily brightened considerably. “Giuliana at work told me about that but I never saw it.”
I didn’t want to invite Emily, not because I anticipated mauling Hudson in my parents’ den, but because I didn’t need a witness to how painfully awkward I was sure to be. I’d already spent the last five minutes since Hudson and I had agreed to the movie idea trying to decide how I should sit on the couch. Should there be distance between us, or should we sit thigh-to-thigh? What about leaning against his chest?
“Would you like to join us?” Hudson asked, filling the silence.
Emily looked at me, then Hudson, then me again before putting up a hand and shaking her head. “Nope, I’m fine,” she answered hurriedly. “You two go. I’ll just…I’ll be in the kitchen.”
“Em, it’s fine. Come watch,” I said, wishing Emily would stop babbling. It was making the whole thing impossibly more awkward.
“You sure?” Emily answered.
“Yep,” I said at the same moment Hudson responded, “Of course.” I looked up at him and he smiled back at me, the tiny squeeze to my hand a reminder that he was still wrapped up in me, if only a little bit.
The three of us walked into the den together and Emily plopped down in the recliner next to the couch. This left the couch for Hudson and me, but I still wasn’t sure how close I should get. Fortunately, I didn’t have to think too hard on the subject, because Hudson gave our entwined hands a little jerk right before he sat. I fell nearly into his lap as he let go, catching me and helping me to get settled against his body. He lifted an arm, resting it along the back of the couch, and I tried to get comfortable even as my brain was screaming about the way the pose stretched the cotton of his shirt tight against his muscular frame. “This good or you need more room?” he asked, which was such a gentle way of giving me a choice to move away and put more space between us that I felt emotion tighten my throat.
“This is nice,” I replied softly, my eyes darting to Emily, who was unnecessarily engrossed in the simple task of turning on the television. A trailer came up on the screen, Hudson’s hand slipped down to hold my shoulder, and I felt myself relax into his warm embrace.
“You guys want a coffee?” Tessa asked from her end of the couch. She’d seemed off since she’d come home with Mom and Dad an hour earlier, and I thought I should ask her about it, but now, with Hudson’s heart pumping solidly beneath my ear, was a bad time.
“I’m tired. I’m going to head up to bed,” Emily said, much to my relief.
“I’m sorry, Tess. I’m tired, too. Rain check?”
“Of course,” Tessa said, stretching her arms high overhead, “I guess I’ll just head home.”
I glanced over at Emily, who shrugged as she stood. “Night, you two.” There was a disturbing twinkle in my sister’s eye—some sort of acknowledgment that she knew what we were up to tonight.
“Have a good night,” Hudson said.
“Night,” I echoed, my heartbeat picking up pace with every step Emily took.
And then we were alone, and my heart thundered away in my chest. I didn’t know why I was this nervous. It felt like my first time, when in fact I’d had sex countless times. Hell, I’d lived with Dan for years. But he was the only one I’d ever been with. Hudson was obviously going to have so much more experience. Would he expect me to? Would he be disappointed?
“Hey,” he said gently, drawing me from her thoughts.
“Hmm?”
Hudson slipped out from behind me, standing up and holding out his hand. I placed my palm in his and he drew me up until I stood mere inches away. Then he leaned down, brushing his lips to my forehead. “Let’s go upstairs.”
This moment had been all I could think about all day, but following him up the stairs to my childhood bedroom, doubt crept in from every direction. Inside the room, he closed the door with a soft snick, then leaned against it, watching me.
I held perfectly still, not taking my eyes off of him. I wanted him to close the distance, to kiss me until I forgot all the worries. I wanted to feel the way I’d felt earlier in the day.
Finally, his body left the door, and he stalked across the room to me, landing next to me on the bed so we were shoulder-to-shoulder. “I’m a little nervous, Claire.”
My eyes darted to his, trying to measure how much sincerity was there. Was he nervous, or just mirroring my emotions in an attempt to seduce me more quickly? Nothing in his eyes suggested he was lying, and he bumped his shoulder into mine. “What are you nervous about?” I asked, accusation lacing my voice.
He shrugged. “Nervous I missed my shot, that you’ve had time to reconsider since this afternoon, or that I might push for something you don’t really want.”
“I want it.” The words popped out before I had time to think them through, and I flushed a deep red.
“I want you, ” Hudson said. I wanted him too, and yet I felt I was missing some message in his words. I leaned in, kissing him softly, my hand landing on his cheek. “Claire,” he murmured, tunneling his fingers into the hair at the base of my neck, pulling me closer until I was out of breath and scrambling to eliminate the distance remaining between us.
“Hud,” I replied between those amazing kisses, my voice a hoarse whisper. “I know how to get myself off, so you don’t have to worry about it.”