Chapter 34
34
CLAIRE
Only five percent of couples meet as neighbors.
It’s a stat I rolled around in my head over and over as I smiled at wedding guests over goopy eggs at the B&B. Not everyone stayed at the B&B, but plenty showed up for brunch this morning, meaning the B&B’s usual breakfast faire was replaced with foil containers of bacon, eggs, and sausage. It didn’t matter that the buffet didn’t include any food I could eat as a vegan except for a bowl of apples and bananas, because I couldn’t even consider eating.
Only five percent of couples meet as neighbors.
I wasn’t sure what to make of this statistic. The optimistic side of me would like to think it’s a sign reminding us how hard it is to find someone, but the realistic side was pretty sure it was a sign that Hudson and I were simply part of the ninety-five percent of people who would find forever somewhere else.
I milled, greeting wedding guests and making small talk, working the room as fast as I could so I can leave.
Because I had to leave.
Hudson wouldn’t come back for me, so I had to go to him.
I spent the whole night lying in bed, reliving the past week leading up to the wedding, and then the wedding itself. In the dark of my empty room—a room I’d always intended to share with Hudson—things seemed so much clearer.
Dan was Dan. He was a cheater, a manipulator, a miserable twat. Hudson was none of those things. He hadn’t given me any reason to believe he’d cheat. On the contrary, he took the whole week in stride. He was attuned to my feelings at every turn, and even when my mother was crazy, even when Grant was determined, Hudson didn’t falter.
“If you'd been paying attention, you'd already know I don't want anyone but you,” was what he said to me, and he was right. I hadn’t been paying attention. I’d been distracted by my own jealousy and hurt and ego and I’d taken Hudson North for granted. So, now I had to go get him back.
Which was an incredible epiphany, if only I could get in my car and drive away from this brunch.
By my count, I had roughly ten people to go, including Nora and my parents, who were the most likely to disapprove of my leaving quickly.
Did it matter, though? It seemed like Mom was always going to be disappointed with something, always want something more from me. Maybe it was time to start letting her down so she could adjust to the possibility of not always getting her way.
“Yes, it was a beautiful wedding,” I agreed for the hundredth time, this time to some aunt of Ethan’s. She talked for a few minutes about her own wedding, and then I was able to move on. Nine left.
“So good to see you,” I gushed, hugging two aunts and an uncle in quick succession, bringing my total down to six.
I circulated until only Nora and Ethan and my two parents remained. “I’m going to head out, Nora,” I said. “Congratulations. This was positively beautiful.”
Nora squinted at me, as if trying to read a foreign language. “You sure you’re good?” she asked.
“I’m good,” I agreed. It was mostly true.
“And you’re not upset I hit Dan?”
I smiled. “Not in the least,” I said. She pulled me in for a hard hug and I squeezed back. “Take care of yourself.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her,” Ethan assured me, and I smiled gently.
“Okay,” I said. I probably failed to keep the condescension out of my voice, but at least I didn’t actively roll my eyes at him.
“Are you leaving?” My mother sounded upset, like my leaving was a personal attack.
“Yeah, Mom. I have to get back to the city.”
“Things certainly didn’t work out with Grant,” she sighed, then leaned in, her brow raised.
“No, Mom. I told you that before I even came home,” I muttered, pushing her shoulder to back her up.
Mom shrugged. “I guess so. I just wanted to see you back in Bridgeport.” The sadness in her voice made my throat tighten.
“Mom,” I said gently.
“It’s okay, Claire Bear. I know you like the city, and Hudson’s there. He’s a nice young man.”
I widened my eyes at this proclamation. “He’s a nice young man? You treated him horribly all week.”
Mom frowned. “That’s not why he left early, was it?” she asked, appearing genuinely concerned.
“No, Mom. I told you, he had to be back at work.” The first couple times I’d said the lie it tasted sour on my tongue, but I was numb now.
“Well, you can tell him I’m sorry,” she said, and I almost laughed, both because I doubted Hudson would believe my mother had a change of heart after a whole week of picking, and because I needed to tell him how sorry I was before I could get into my mother’s indiscretions.
I hugged both of my parents, then Tessa and Nora again before I turned to go. Emily caught my arm as I walked out. “You going to talk to him?”
I rolled my lips between my teeth. Emily was the only one who knew the truth, mostly because she’d found me sobbing uncontrollably the night before. Had I been given a choice, I’d have preferred no one ever knew the truth.
“We’ll see,” I said, which Emily would know meant, “ Yes, but I’m afraid to admit it in case he rejects me.”
“Good luck,” she replied.
“Thank you.”
The drive home was always long, but now it was lonely as well. The day, however, was breathtakingly beautiful. Tourists came from all over to appreciate the fall foliage near Bridgeport, but I didn’t care. The dazzling autumn leaves and bright blue skies demanded a level of happiness I didn’t stand a chance at achieving. I needed gloomy gray skies and empty, dormant trees, but Mother Earth refused to accommodate my mood.
I made the trip home faster than I ever had before. I took no bathroom breaks, and I didn’t eat. I just drove. I drove and I thought about what I would say when Hudson opened the door—how I would apologize.
And when I finally got home I pulled my bag out of my trunk and dragged it inside, grabbing my mail on the way. I was alone at the elevator, and I pressed up before I opened the zipper of my bag and slipped the mail inside.
The little arrow lit up and I stood straighter, preparing myself. The doors slid open and the car was empty. No stupid teenagers flooding out in every direction and no Hudson. I stepped inside and pressed five.
His unit was 5L. I remembered it clear as day, even though I second-guessed myself as I stood on the little brown rug outside his door and knocked. I waited, then knocked again, but still he didn’t answer. I pulled out my phone.
Claire: Can we talk?
I waited, then waited some more, beginning to feel self-conscious standing outside his door with my bag in tow. But no one was around. I looked at my phone, but I had my answer. Hudson wasn’t answering the door or the phone, and I’d truly ruined everything.