Chapter 58 Hope
hope
I stared at him across the table, trying to keep my heart from bursting out of my chest. Did I dare believe what I wanted to believe?
I knew all about denial and self-deception, about not seeing things you don’t want to see or deal with. God knows I’d done that with Kurt.
But was it possible that self-deception could work the other way, as well? Was it possible to keep yourself from believing that the thing you wanted the very most in the world, you already had? Was it possible that I was getting—that I already had—my heart’s desire?
His gaze poured into mine. “So . . . what do you think?”
I think that my heart has never felt so full.
I think I’m more blessed than anyone ever had any reason to be.
I think that God is generous and kind beyond all comprehension.
I think that it’s going to be so much fun to tell you that I already quit my job and plan to move back.
I think that I can’t wait to see Zoey’s next lost tooth and hear Sophie’s next breathless tale.
Matt looked kind of blurry through my damp eyes, but I’m sure I was grinning like a loon. “You love me?” I asked, my voice kind of raw and raspy.
“With all my heart.”
“Oh, Matt—I love you, too! That’s why I couldn’t stand to spend any more time with you!”
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Do you realize how insane that sounds?”
“Only as I heard myself say it. It didn’t sound that messed up in my head.”
We both laughed. He reached out and stroked my cheek, and I think he would have kissed me, but I couldn’t stop talking.
“I have so much to tell you . . . like how I already quit my job and I’m moving back to Louisiana, but now, thank God, I don’t have to move to Covington or Madisonville in order to avoid you. ”
He pulled back. “Wait—you’re already planning to move back? But you were planning to avoid me?”
“Yes, because I love you so, and . . . and now I’m rambling. I always ramble when I’m excited.”
“I’ve noticed.” His eyes sparkled like sunshine on the lake. “Want me to help you stop?”
I nodded, then wrapped my arms around him as he gathered me close and kissed me. My heart felt like it would jump out of my chest, but my thoughts settled in to one single, solitary thought:
Home. I was finally, really home.