Chapter Twelve
Chapter Eleven
ETHAN
I ’d never cried over my parents’ death before.
That was probably weird, and there was probably something seriously wrong with me, but I just hadn’t. Yes, I was devastated when they died, and I experienced deep sadness. Of course, I did. But the tears never came.
For a long time, I thought I was broken. Who doesn’t cry when their parents die? Ellie and Gram never said it out loud, but I knew they were worried about me too. For years after, whenever I thought about their death, all I felt was numb. Until now.
I felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside. The ache was so intense, I couldn’t help but cry out in agony. Jessa tensed up and held me tighter as I cried, but I couldn’t concentrate on that. The grief I’d apparently held inside for so long was all coming out at once, and I could do nothing to stop it.
I didn’t remember getting back into the car. I could only focus on breathing and the comforting caress of Jessa’s hand against my back or my hair.
And then we were home, and Jessa held my hand and led me out of the vehicle. I vaguely remembered her thanking the park ranger before we walked toward the front door.
“Ethan!” Ellie came flying out of the house and threw herself at me.
Jessa stepped to the side to give us space, but I wouldn’t let go of her hand. I needed her close.
My sister let go and looked up at me. “What happened? Are you hurt?”
I shook my head and started walking, and Jessa came along with me.
“What’s going on?” Ellie asked Jessa.
“We’ll talk about it later,” Jessa replied as we entered the house.
My grandmother was waiting in the kitchen, and she looked me over from head to toe as I walked toward her. “Oh, sweetheart, what’s the matter?”
The moment I reached her, I smothered her with a hug and broke down again. I couldn’t find the words. I cried onto her shoulder until the fabric of her shirt was soaked through.
“Will one of you tell me what’s going on?” Gram’s voice was thick with worry.
“We came across a car accident on our way back,” Jessa explained. “Out on McKibbin Road.”
Ellie gasped, and I knew she understood without us having to say another word.
“Oh, dear.” Gram gave me a squeeze and whispered in my ear, “I’m so sorry, Ethan.”
When I finally let go, I felt emotionally and physically drained. I used my sleeve to wipe at my wet cheeks before I spoke. “If you all don’t mind, I need to go to bed. It’s been a very long day.”
Ellie’s cheeks were as wet as mine when she walked over and gave me another hug. “I love you.”
“Love you too.” I managed to hold back more tears as I headed for the stairs. When I took the first step, I looked back over my shoulder and met Jessa’s worried gaze. “Thank you. For everything.”
She gave me a little smile through watery eyes of her own, which almost triggered another round of tears, but she’d seen enough of that for a lifetime.
I went upstairs and fell face down on my bed before rolling to the side and practically squeezing the stuffing out of my pillow. My heart ached in my chest, and my thoughts went to the last time I’d seen my mom and dad, a week before the accident when I’d come home from college for the weekend. It was an okay visit, but I regretted the way I left things with Mom. I had changed my major for the second time in as many years from communications to computer information technology to computer science. She thought I was floundering, and I knew she was only trying to help guide me toward my future, but I wanted to figure things out on my own. We fought over the extra money it had cost when some of my early classes didn’t count toward my degree. We’d always had enough money to survive, but it wasn’t like we were rolling in the dough. And rather than get a job on campus to help with tuition, I’d spent all my time hanging out with friends. I was honestly pretty selfish back then.
So, words were exchanged that weekend, not all of them nice. At least I’d hugged her before I left and told her I loved her. But I still didn’t feel good about that being the last weekend I’d spent with her. I hadn’t thought about that since the accident. I’d pushed it somewhere down inside. But now that it was out, other memories were too. So many little things about my parents I hadn’t let myself think of for a long time because it hurt too much.
After a while, I got up and went to the door at the end of the hallway, the room that used to be theirs. Gram and Ellie had gone through their belongings years ago and boxed stuff up or given them away. They had made it into a guest room, though it was rarely used.
I hadn’t stepped foot in their room in all those years, and I don’t think I ever realized I was intentionally doing it to avoid thinking about them. It was like I pretended the room wasn’t there, and eventually forgot about it.
I turned the doorknob and went inside, and a subtle whiff of Dad’s cologne hit me, which had me tearing up again. The bed was still there, but it had different bedding than they had used. The dresser and nightstands were the same, but all of the pictures and knick-knacks Mom used to decorate the room with were gone.
I opened the closet door, for some reason expecting to see their clothing, but it was gone. Plastic storage containers were stacked beside cardboard boxes of Mom’s old Mary Kay makeup supplies, which were certainly expired long ago. Ellie probably couldn’t bear to part with those. Then I noticed a container with my name on it, so I hauled it out and sat down on the bed with it to my side.
Letting out a breath, I cracked open the lid and peeked inside, unsure of what to expect.
It held Dad’s T-shirts, sweatshirts, and hats from places we’d visited over the years. There were also pictures of me with my parents at all the different milestones of my life, postcards and letters I’d written them from summer camp or college, and pictures I’d drawn of characters from movies and video games I loved.
Each item I pulled out brought with it a waterfall of memories, and I let them wash over me. My heart ached again, this time with immense happiness. We were blessed with such amazing parents, and we had a treasure trove of wonderful memories to choose from. And this time when the tears slipped down my cheeks, I was wearing a huge smile.
I eventually took the box back to my room and flopped down on my bed. The events of the day had finally caught up with me, and I was completely exhausted. My eyes drooped shut as my thoughts turned to the storm cellar and Jessa.
I never thought anything like that would happen between us, but the moment was so intense, the storm so crazy and scary. I was taken aback at first, but then I was in heaven, in the middle of my happiest dream come true. Jessa’s lips on mine, holding her in my arms. It was more than I ever could’ve hoped for our first kiss to be. But I had a feeling it was the thrill of the moment that had led her to kiss me like she did.
I wished it wasn’t.
I wished it was because I’d confessed my feelings for her and she returned the sentiment. There was so much I wanted to say before the storm kicked up a notch and interrupted. And now, all I wanted was to know how she was feeling, what she was thinking, and why she had kissed me. I wanted to know if everything I’d ever wanted was about to come true or if it was just a one-off.
With my brain fried from overthinking, I succumbed to sleep, drifting off with the memory of Jessa in my arms.
The warmth of the sunbeam shining in my window and across my bed woke me, and yesterday came rushing back. My brain was on overload, but I felt lighter, almost weightless.
I cleaned up and dressed for work and headed downstairs, expecting to find the house empty at that early hour. Instead, I found my sister staring at the phone in her hand, tears streaming down her face.
“What’s wrong?”
“The church roof got ripped off last night.”
“No way.”
“Yes way! And electricity is out all over town, including the reception hall.”
“Double whammy!”
“Yeah, thanks. I’m supposed to get married tomorrow!” She stood and paced the kitchen floor. “What am I going to do?”
“We can call around and see if any of the other churches are available and have power.”
“But what about the reception?”
“We’ll find a place, Ell. Don’t panic.”
“I’m not panicking.” She continued to pace.
“Everything will work out.”
“I’m trying to believe that, but at this point, it seems like we might have to cancel.”
The door opened then, and in walked Cooper, and Ellie rushed into his arms.
Cooper kissed her on the top of the head.
“It’s a disaster.” She rested her forehead on his shoulder.
“A natural disaster,” I said with a chuckle.
She raised her head and looked at me with a frown. “Glad your sense of humor’s back this morning.”
“It’s getting there.”
Cooper smoothed his hands over Ellie’s hair. “The band’s waiting in the car. We’re going to drive through town and see the damage. Do you want to come?”
She let out a breath. “Yeah. I need to see what we’re dealing with.”
“You want to come?” Cooper asked me.
I glanced up at the clock. “Can’t. I have to be at work thirty minutes ago.”
“Maybe there’s no power at the factory.”
I burst out laughing. “The entire country could be without power, and that factory would be the one place that’s still up and running.”
“Will you be out in time for the rehearsal?” he asked.
“Yeah. I’ll be there.”
“If we find a place to have it,” Ellie said.
“We will, Ell,” Cooper reassured her.
“You will.” It suddenly occurred to me that I was still without a car. “Actually, can you guys drop me at work on your way?”
“Sure.” Cooper replied.
I went to the cupboard and grabbed a pack of brown sugar and cinnamon flavored Pop-Tarts on my way out the door, then climbed into the Escalade and we headed out.
Cooper looked at me in the rearview mirror as we approached the road to the factory. “Are you sure you don’t want to take a loop around town with us? You’re already late. What’s a few minutes longer?”
I shrugged. “I’ll already get points against me for this so why not.”
He drove on into town, and we were all quiet as we saw debris everywhere, buildings with wind damage, shutters hanging sideways, shingles ripped off, signs knocked over, and trees pulled out of the ground. There were utility vehicles out and about working on wires, attempting to get power back around town. Most of the downtown shops were dark, but there were people along the sidewalks picking up debris, sweeping, doing everything they could to clean up. Our sweet little town was a mess, and even though I could only see the back of my sister’s head from where I sat, I knew she was crying at the sight.
We headed through town to our church. The building looked intact, but the parking lot and yard were littered with branches, leaves, and other debris.
“Wow!” Kassie pointed out the window. “The steeple’s still standing.”
“That’s awesome,” Cash said.
She was right. The steeple above the entrance of the church was intact.
“ That’s not awesome.” Ellie pointed toward the far end of the building, where the roof was entirely ripped off.
Cooper pulled into the parking lot next to several other cars. The pastor and some church members were outside, looking up at the damage, seemingly deep in discussion.
Ellie got out and stared up at the hole in the church roof. “Oh, my goodness. This is … I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Hey.” Cooper was quickly at her side and turned her around to face him. “The most important thing is that we are going to be married tomorrow. Husband and wife. You and me. Finally.”
“But how?”
“If I have to marry you in the church parking lot, I will.”
Her frown turned upside down, and then they were kissing, and I looked away, wondering if I’d ever have that. Hoping it would be with Jessa.
The pastor greeted them with handshakes and a kind smile. “I’m glad to see you’re all safe after last night’s storm.”
“The church wasn’t so lucky.” Ellie nodded toward the wreckage.
“No, it was not. But nobody was hurt, and it’s only a building. It can be repaired.” He looked at Ellie. “I’m sorry about your wedding, Ellie. If you need my help trying to find a new location, I’d be happy to make some calls.”
She shook her head. “Thank you, Pastor, but you have enough to worry about right now. We’ll figure it out.”
“Still, I’ll try to help if you need me to.”
“Thank you. We appreciate that.” Cooper shook his hand again. “We’ll let you know where to be for the rehearsal tonight once we figure that out.”
“I have faith you’ll find a place.”
Ellie managed a little smile.
“God cares about you,” Pastor said. “He sees your disappointment. No situation is too small for Him. He brought the two of you together. Trust that He’ll work out all the little details for you.”
Tears sparkled in her eyes. “I needed to hear that. Thank you.”
He wished us all a good day, and Ellie and Cooper got back into the vehicle.
We rode in silence as Cooper circled town then headed toward my work. The factory was the last place I wanted to go, but I didn’t want to lose my job since I had no other prospects. I hadn’t forgotten Gram’s words from yesterday, though.
God has a plan for you, Ethan.
Had that only been yesterday? It seemed like a lifetime ago with all that had happened in the past twenty-four hours.
I dwelled on that and the pastor’s words for the rest of our drive. He sees your disappointment. No situation is too small for Him. I surely was disappointed with the career path I was on. That was no secret. But what should I do about it?
“Have a good day at work.” It was almost as if Ellie had answered the question in my mind.
“Impossible.” The vehicle stopped at the side of the building, and I reluctantly grabbed hold of the door handle.
“Why don’t you just quit if you don’t like it?” Kassie asked.
“Why do people keep asking me that?” I opened the door, forced myself to get out, and headed for the dreaded employee entrance.
And then I heard all of them begin to chant, “Quit! Quit! Quit! Quit!” I shook my head and gave them a thumbs-up. Their laughter followed me into the shop until the silver metal door closed behind me and shut me off from the outside world.
Walking into the factory was like entering a dark cave. There were only a few windows to the top of one of the walls, which allowed very little sunshine to enter the space. The fluorescent lights gave off such an eerie glow, and there was a constant humming coming from them.
I made my way to my workstation and passed by Bernie.
“It’s a beautiful day, huh, Bernie?” I gave him a smile just as I did every day, and he grunted as he always did. He was a lifer. Nearing retirement age. A real-life Mr. Nebbercracker from Monster House , which we’d been watching every Halloween since we were kids. I fully expected Bernie to one day holler, “Get off my lawn!” Only, his catchphrase would probably be, “Get away from my workstation!” Thinking about that movie took me back to special times with my parents, and rather than push the memories aside, I lived in the memory for a while.
I got my press up and running, which honestly took very little brain power. Most days, I would let my mind wander, which usually ended up with me thinking about Jessa. But today, my mind was on Bernie. He was a creature of habit, doing the very same things every day to ready his machine, running it for hours, eating the same snacks every day, the same food for lunch, and going outside on his ten-minute break for a smoke. I wondered if he’d been going through the same routine for the forty years he’d worked there.
Up until today, I hadn’t thought much of that, but as I went through this day, getting the same snacks out of the vending machine, following the same routine, I began to see the similarities. And it wasn’t only me and Bernie. The same people walked by my press at the same time every day to use the bathroom or get a pop from the machine. And when the day was over, we’d leave and go about our outside lives for a few hours before we went to bed, woke up, and did the whole thing all over again.
I think subconsciously I had noticed all of this years ago, but now that I was releasing all the thoughts and memories I’d kept locked inside for so long, it was like a shift in my thinking. I could hear my parents asking me what I was doing. Why was I wasting my life in misery, on my way to becoming like Bernie, who had never looked happy a single day as long as I’d known him?
The buzzer sounded for lunch break, and I checked my phone.
Jessa: How are you doing today?
My heart leapt into my throat. She’d written me a couple hours ago. I couldn’t stop smiling, knowing she was thinking about me enough to write. And I wondered what she was thinking about me.
Me: I’m good. You?
Jessa: I was just worried after everything that happened.
Me: Honestly, I’m much better.
Jessa: OK.
I waited for her to write more, but she didn’t. I knew she wasn’t one to get deep in conversation, let alone over text.
Me: Did you get your car back?
Jessa: Ellie and Cooper took me to get it last night.
Me: So it was still in one piece?
Jessa: Some stupid hail damage, but otherwise fine.
Me: Oh, hail no!
I thought for sure she’d respond to that, but she left me on read.
Me: See you at rehearsal tonight.
Jessa: Yeah.
Me: Can’t wait. I’ve been thinking about you.
I almost put my phone away when she didn't reply, but then I saw the bubbles bouncing. They disappeared then reappeared and then …
Jessa: Me too.