Chapter 9
nine
. . .
Once, when Javier had been in secondary school, studying Greek and Roman mythology, he’d done an entire project on the god Janus.
And even though Danny Singer had used the opportunity to call him two-faced, which had led to a confrontation in the alley behind the school during which Javier had proved that pretty boys who wore eyeliner and lip gloss could punch snotty little arseholes in the nose just as effectively as anyone on the rugby team, Javier had been really into it.
As the weekends in February and March came and went, Javier felt more like Janus than he would have guessed it was possible for a mere mortal to feel. He swore he was looking into the past and the future as he stood on the threshold between two realities.
On the one hand, his weekends were absolute bliss.
He and Desmond truly had hit the ground running.
Not once in almost two months had either of them questioned their premise—that they’d been dating for ages instead of just a handful of weekends.
They both committed to the fantasy, which meant they simply ignored the whole getting to know you phase of a relationship and went straight for the mind-blowing sex.
And also the quiet, domestic moments when they let their guard down, sat snuggled on the love seat in the sunroom reading together, cooked meals together, talked and debated about things in a way too many people had assumed an airhead model wasn’t capable of grasping, and occasionally went out to a restaurant or museum in London together.
Pure, unadulterated bliss!
On the other hand, his weeks were nothing but non-stop stress as the business he cared so much about and had put every last ounce of his heart and soul into slowly fell apart.
“Olivia signed her exit paperwork at last,” Maisy said, popping her head into the cramped office in their rented space where they were about to be behind on rent early on a Friday morning in April.
Javier glanced up mournfully from his computer. “She really wanted to leave? It wasn’t just another bluff on her part?” His heart was sick at the idea.
“She really wanted to leave,” Maisy said, stepping all the way into the office to put the folder on top of three others on Javier’s desk. “She said she’s had another offer from Starlight Talent.”
Javier puffed out a breath and sank back in his chair. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and tried not to make a pitiful sound. “Not Starlight Talent again.”
“That’s three of our models they’ve poached,” Maisy said, helping herself to a seat in the chair in front of Javier’s desk. “And we’ve lost Brendan and Gemma to Howard and Howard.”
Javier dropped his arms and stared at her. “You didn’t need to remind me.”
“Sorry, boss.” At least Maisy looked sympathetic. “And I know it’s horrifically inconvenient that all these contracts are coming up for renewal at the same time.”
“It’s because we signed them all at the same time,” Javier reminded her. “When we were just getting started.”
“Ah yes,” Maisy sighed. “I remember those bright-eyed days of innocence and optimism.”
“When we still believed that creating a talent agency that put the health and safety of our people ahead of the grind of the industry was the wave of the future,” Javier added sullenly.
It had seemed like such a wonderful idea at the time, a vital idea.
It was an idea he still believed in. All he wanted, all he’d ever wanted, was to create something that would put people over profit and treat every individual like a star.
It was how he would have wanted to be treated when he was working that side of the business.
“I hate this,” he confessed to Maisy, letting himself sound as miserable as he felt. “You would think people would want to live and work in a society where everyone helps each other.”
“I think most people still want that,” Maisy said with a sad smile. “And most people have to pay their rent and buy food, too. Especially in this economy.”
“But why can’t we have both?” Javier asked, the question welling up from the very depths of his soul. “Why can’t we all take care of each other and still make a living?”
“If you ask me, it’s the billionaires,” Maisy said, a vicious gleam in her eyes. “Melanie thinks so, too. They’ve ruined it for the rest of us. If it were up to me, we’d bring out the guillotine again and start separating their heads from their wallets.”
Javier huffed a laugh that he didn’t really feel.
Maisy’s eyes went suddenly wide. “Oh, sorry,” she said. “I completely forgot that you’re dating one of those billionaires.”
Paradoxically, Javier relaxed into a more genuine smile. “He’s not a billionaire,” he said. “And we’re not really dating.”
Although that wasn’t exactly true. As far as he was concerned, he and Desmond were as tight a couple as they pretended to be.
He loved their arrangement, because it allowed them to be together stress and guilt-free.
He needed a time and place to put down the burdens he carried throughout the week, and he suspected that there were things about Des’s weekly life that he wanted to escape from, too.
But it all begged the question he absolutely did not want to think about.
How long could they continue on like this, heads buried in the sand and each other?
As easy and fun as what they had now was, a tiny voice in the back of Javier’s head was already wondering why they couldn’t have more, why they couldn’t have it all.
“I know you hate it when I say this,” Maisy started slowly, “but a teensy little cash infusion from your not-boyfriend would keep us afloat long enough to save ourselves.”
And that right there was why Javier still fought tooth and nail to keep his real life separate from the bubble of bliss he and Desmond inhabited.
“I’m not going to beg my boyfriend for money,” he said firmly, sitting straighter.
“Not even if it saves the agency? Your dream agency?” Maisy arched one eyebrow.
It hurt like hell to say, “No. Not even if my dream withers and dies.”
Fuck, it was awful. Everything he’d worked so hard for, every principle of ethics and fairness that he’d given his heart to, was about to vanish, and the only possible way out that he could see would mean repeating all the things fucking Matthew had done to hurt Desmond so badly.
That’s what it boiled down to, really. Javier didn’t want to be Matthew.
“Alright,” Maisy said doubtfully, pushing herself to stand. “If you think we can keep going without his help, then I trust you.”
“Thanks, tía.” Javier managed a smile as Maisy walked to the door.
“Oh, and if it makes you feel any better, Indigo Events just sent us a list of parties coming up that they’ll need talent for,” Maisy said as she paused in the doorway.
Javier wanted to cry. Rivera Talent was supposed to turn into one of the most highly sought after modeling agencies for high-end magazine shoots and runway shows. They were not supposed to be a mediocre talent pool for private parties and catering events.
He sank back into his chair once Maisy was gone and rubbed his hands over his face, leaving them there so he could hide behind them for a moment.
What the actual fuck was going on? Things had started out with such promise.
He actually had secured contracts with exactly the sort of clients he’d always dreamed of.
He’d thought people were on board with his unique mission.
In the last two months, the rocky road they’d been traveling had turned into an absolute freefall, and he didn’t have the first clue why.
He did what he always did in the last few weeks when things started to get him down.
He pulled out his phone and tapped his way into the file he’d set up in his photo app for pictures of Desmond.
Just looking at them loosened something in his shoulders and settled his soul.
He had pics of Desmond watering and pruning his beloved plants, pictures of him cooking, selfies of the two of them in bed, and a few borderline NSFW pics that made his insides flutter and blood rush to all the wrong places for the middle of a work day.
Why couldn’t the rest of his life be as perfect and beautiful as his weekends?
With a deep breath, he switched from his photo app to messages and brought up his ongoing conversation with Desmond.
“God, I can’t wait to see you tonight!” he typed, then hit send.
He stretched out his arm to put his phone down and go back to work, but to his surprise, three dots appeared immediately. With a flippy thrill in his gut, he held his phone with both hands, grinning as he waited for Desmond’s reply to come through.
“Me, too. I’m actually leaving work early today, before lunch. Are you free?”
Javier sucked in a breath, flickers of relief and love and lust dancing through him like sparklers.
“Absolutely,” he typed back. “I can get out of here at noon.”
“I’ll be home by then. Come straight over,” Desmond replied.
Smiling, Javier replied with a thumbs up emoji, followed by a kissy face, an eggplant, a peach, and a splash. When Desmond liked his text with a laughing face, he finally felt as though he could concentrate on work.
All too quickly, as he finalized the paperwork for the talent that had just left, his good mood vanished. If that wasn’t bad enough, fifteen minutes later, Maisy knocked on the doorframe of his office.
“Um, you’re not going to like this,” she said.
Javier puffed out a breath and flopped in his seat. “Give it to me.”
“Kevin has just called out, and he was supposed to go to that industrial film job this afternoon.”
Javier squeezed his eyes closed. It was Valentine’s Day all over again. At least this time he wouldn’t need to strap on a pair of cupid wings.
“Alright,” he said wearily, pushing his chair back and standing. “I’ll do the job.”