36
Kate pops an olive into her mouth. “I’ve never seen Joel like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like he was with you on Saturday at Sofia’s. Teasing. Flirty. Fun.”
I pluck a roll from the breadbasket, tear off a piece, and drag it through olive oil. Her words thrill me. It’s been four days since trivia night, and Joel keeps circling my thoughts like a song I can’t shut off.
We’re tucked into a small corner table at Giovanni’s as the lunch crowd swells.
It’s nice that it’s just the two of us. No Tess blazing with sharp commentary, no formidable Sofia in boardroom mode.
I love them both, but their energy turns a room up to full volume.
With Kate, the dial turns down and everything is quieter.
It’s like the world shrinks to a manageable size, and we meet in the middle of it.
“Joel is so serious and stern most of the time,” she continues, reaching for another olive. “It was lovely seeing him relaxed and at ease. Not just with you, but with everyone there.”
I roll my napkin between my fingers and stare at the plate of antipasto. “You’re right, it was good to see him like that,” I say absently.
“Kenzie.” Her firm tone pulls my gaze up. “You’ve been distracted since we sat down. Something’s clearly bothering you.” Her voice softens. “Why don’t you tell me what it is?”
I take a deep breath of air scented with garlic and tomatoes. The truth rustles under my ribs, sharp and painful. I have to tell someone. And I trust Kate. She won’t even tell Gideon, if I ask her not to. “I think I’m falling in love with Joel.”
Her eyes go wide. She presses a hand to her chest.
I force a laugh, but my throat aches around it. “It sounds completely crazy, doesn’t it?”
“It’s not crazy.”
“I’ve known him for all of three weeks. We’ve only seen each other a handful of times. But every time he’s near me, my chest gets heavier and lighter at the same time. Like I can’t breathe unless he’s looking at me, but I also can’t breathe when he does.”
Kate reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.
“It was like that for Gideon,” she says.
“He fell in love when he saw a photograph of me. He said it was like being hit by lightning, and he hadn’t even met me yet.
” She looks steadily at me. “So yes, I believe you can have a soul-deep connection that isn’t measured by time. ”
I reach for my pendant and hold it tight. “I’m scared, Kate.” My lips twist. “Joel is scarred. Not just on the outside, but on the inside too. I’m falling for a man I don’t even know. Who won’t let me know him.”
“I know Joel’s hiding a lot, but he’s a good man,” Kate says without hesitation. “And I don’t say that lightly. I know what it’s like to be with a man who is toxic in nearly every way.” Her voice cracks a little. “Joel is not that man.”
“What if his secrets aren’t small?” I ask. “What if they hold the power to break us?”
“That’s a valid fear,” she admits after a thoughtful pause. “I don’t know what Joel’s struggling with. I never asked, and I’m a little ashamed of that now.”
“He probably wouldn’t have told you anyway.”
She huffs out a small laugh. “Probably not. But I think one day you could ask, and he’ll tell you.”
“Do you think so?” The hope in my voice makes me flinch.
She gives my hand an extra squeeze before she lets go. “I do.”
“I hate that this matters.”
“It matters because you matter. You’re good for him, Kenzie,” she says softly. “You have a sweetness that settles him. But there’s steel in you too. Not many people see that. I do. So does Joel. And it’s exactly what he needs.”
I massage my temples. “I don’t think even he knows what he needs.”
“Sometimes when you’re mixed up inside, you don’t always know what’s best for you.”
The server arrives with our pizzas. We wait until he’s gone before we speak again.
“I think Joel is good for you too,” Kate adds, delicately picking up a slice. “He seems to see you like no one else does.”
“What if I want more than he can give?”
“Give him time. Be patient and kind with him. As only you can. I’m not sure he’s had much of that in his life.”
I release a shaky breath. “Why does this feel so impossible?”
“Because love is heavy, and it’s as much gravity as it is grace.” She gives me a gentle smile. “It’s the weight of falling, Kenz. And you’re scared of the landing. You both are.”
My chest tightens. My throat aches. I am scared. But I feel too far gone to pull back.
After lunch, we pay and push through the door into a soft needling rain.
“Want a lift back to the studio?” Kate asks. “I’m parked right here.”
I shake my head. “I like to walk, even in the rain.”
We say goodbye and promise to do this again soon.
I flick my umbrella open, ready to hustle back to the studio. There’s no deadline today, but the to-do list always feel like a hydra. We cut one head off and two sprout in its place.
Across the street, a man is staring at me.
He stands out because, while everyone else hurries for cover, he’s simply motionless in the rain with no umbrella.
He looks familiar. I’m sure I’ve seen him before, but I can’t place him. It niggles at me, like a word on the tip of my tongue.
I glance away and keep moving. The street is almost empty, and the studio is still a block away. Two shops down, it comes to me. He looks like the pale-eyed stranger who asked me for directions. Was that a week ago? Less? I can’t remember.
I look over my shoulder.
He’s still there. Still watching.
Maybe he’s waiting for someone. Or maybe he likes the rain. He’s probably not even the same man. My imagination has a way of running ahead.
Still, I pick up my pace. And even as I tell myself I’m being dramatic, that Brown Oaks is safe, the prickle at the back of my neck doesn’t go away.