Chapter 19
I promise
At school the following Monday, Violet hunts me down in my classroom while the children are on the yard for break. I’m sitting at my desk, sorting through papers for my next lesson, the photocopier having gone haywire halfway through printing and spitting everything out in a random order.
“Right, I have five minutes,” she says, pulling the papers from my hands so I’m forced to focus on her. She stands in front of my desk with her arms folded and raises an eyebrow. “What the hell happened on Friday?”
Reluctantly, I recount carefully selected parts of Friday night.
Violet’s expression is unreadable while she listens to me speak, which I find unnerving.
It’s so much easier to talk to a person who reacts to what you’re saying, but right now I have no idea if Violet is angry, delighted or anywhere in between.
I can’t even tell if she believes me. I anxiously fiddle with the hem of my T-shirt, pleating it one way, then the other and back again.
When I’m done, Vi doesn’t respond or even really react to what she’s heard. Instead, she picks up a crumpled worksheet off the floor and smooths it against her thigh, staring me down. I suddenly feel nine years old again.
“So, you’re back living at Rhys’s?” she asks.
“Well, it’s my house too,” I say. “But yes, we’re back together.”
“Why?” she asks, her expression still neutral.
“Because I love him,” I answer defensively.
“Why?”
“Well, um… I don’t have to explain my choices,” I say, trying to cover up for the fact that I couldn’t come up with a reason off the top of my head.
Vi just raises one drawn-on eyebrow.
“Rhys is good to me. We have history. He’s put up with my shit for years. There’s three reasons for you.”
Violet still doesn’t speak.
“Put your eyebrows away, will you? If they go any higher, they’ll get lost in your hair.”
“I just don’t buy it.” She shrugs. “And if those are genuinely your reasons for going back to him, I think they’re stupid. That’s all.”
I stare at her open-mouthed, unsure of how to respond to such casual, brutal honesty.
“I just don’t want you to go back to how you were before.
You’ve seemed so much better these last few weeks.
Happier. I’d hate for you to go back to being sad and anxious all the time for the sake of convenience or a sense of duty, feeling like you have to hide behind a smile, even though we can all see you’re struggling. ”
The bell rings, indicating the end of break. I’ve never been more thankful for that ear-splitting sound.
“Just take some time to think things through before you go jumping in. I don’t know much about Rhys or your relationship with him, but I know you weren’t happy.
These last few weeks you’ve been living with the hot chef, you’ve walked taller and smiled bigger than I’ve ever seen. Do what’s right for you for once.”
Vi starts to walk away, leaving me lost for words. As she reaches the door, she turns and leans against the frame, making room for the children to file past her and find their seats.
“Also, full disclosure, hot chef has asked me to keep an eye on you and report back on your wellbeing. Would Rhys care enough to do that?”
Would he? He’s been a lot more attentive over the last couple of days than he was during the last three years of our marriage, so I’d like to think so.
So why is there doubt niggling at the back of my mind?
And as for Connor asking Vi to keep an eye on me, I’m speechless.
Yes, Connor is a natural nurturer, but I’d expected him to jump at the chance to be rid of me.
He doesn’t actually care; he probably just wanted an excuse to keep in touch with Violet. She’s young, fit and gorgeous – much more his type.
I blink away my daze when I notice thirty young faces staring at me.
“You okay, Miss?” one of the girls asks from a table at the back.
“Yes, fine,” I answer, snapping back into teacher-mode. “Just thinking about how much fun we’re going to have with fractions today!”
Thirty voices groan in harmony, and I begin my lesson.
If I don’t acknowledge the phone ringing, it will stop, right?
Who am I kidding? I’ve ignored three of Ivy’s calls this afternoon and she just keeps hitting redial.
I let out a relieved breath when the phone stops buzzing on my desk and there’s a few seconds’ silence.
Hopeful she’s given up so I can speak to her when I’m ready, I go back to my pile of marking.
But my relief fades when my phone beeps with a message.
Far more comfortable with messaging than phone calls, I open the text.
Ivy
I know you’re ignoring me
Connor told me you’ve moved out
What’s going on?
Me
I’ve moved back in with Rhys
I figure keeping things simple would be best. I’m proven wrong seconds later when Ivy calls me again. She knows I’ve seen her messages now, so ignoring her isn’t an option anymore. Reluctantly, I answer.
“Hey, Ivy, what’s up?” I say casually, trying to hide my anxiety.
“Why the hell are you back with Rhys after what he did to you?”
Ivy is usually a placid, softly spoken woman, but she can be intimidating when she wants to be. I’ve witnessed it a few times over the years, but I’ve never been on the receiving end, and I hope never to be again.
“He’s my husband,” I sigh, fed up of having to explain myself. “We owe it to each other to give it another go.”
“You owe him nothing. You gave him everything for years while he was out fucking bimbos. You have every right to move on with your life, find someone else.”
My head spins at the thought of rejoining the dating pool.
If I weren’t with Rhys, I would rather live the rest of my life alone than try to find someone who would be interested in me again and be constantly rejected.
It’s highly unlikely anyone but Rhys would ever want me anyway; he said so himself.
At least this way, half the battle is done.
Now I just have to work hard to keep him interested.
“I’ve made my decision, Ivy. I appreciate your concern, but I really don’t want to talk about it anymore. I love you, but this is none of your business.”
“Of course it’s my business!” she shouts in frustration.
“How?”
“Because you’re…” Ivy pauses for a second, seemingly conflicted about how to finish that sentence. “Because you’re my best friend. I just want you to finally have what you deserve, and that isn’t being married to Rhys. I’ve thought that for a long time.”
“What are you talking about? You love Rhys!”
“No, I don’t. I just went along with it because I thought you loved him, and I wanted to be supportive, but the longer you two were together, the more I watched you retreat into your shell and, I don’t know, it was like your fire went out.
I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner, Tilly.
I should have stepped in, but I thought I was being a good friend by standing by you.
Now I know I should have stuck up for you when you weren’t able to stick up for yourself, advocated for your wellbeing and somehow forced you to see what was happening. ”
“We’re working on our issues. Rhys admitted that he was wrong to cheat on me…”
“It’s not just cheating on you, though. He’s awful to you, but he’s so clever about it you don’t even notice. He sounds so reasonable and convincing, it’s so easy to fall for it. But it’s just manipulation, Tilly, to get you to comply!”
“It’s not up for discussion, Ivy.”
Ivy’s answering sigh is like a gut-punch. Disappointing my best friend might just be the worst feeling in the world.
“You deserve so much better, Til. If you’re insisting on staying with him… just try to listen out for it from now on, okay? And if you find I’m right, get out of there. Promise me?”
I roll my eyes. “You’re just like your brother, you know that?”
“Promise me, you bitch!”
“Alright, I promise!”
We chat for a while after, talking about Ivy’s new job and the new friends she’s made already. I’m not surprised – Ivy’s always been a social butterfly. Her ability to talk to anyone about anything is something I’ve always envied about my best friend, along with her beauty and selflessness.
By the time we’ve finished catching up, the caretaker is jingling his keys outside my classroom, a not-so-subtle hint that it’s time to pack up and leave. Sighing at the untouched pile of marking in front of me, I pack it into a bag and head to my car.
On the journey home, I think about what Ivy said about Rhys.
She’s always been a good judge of character, so it would be easy to blindly believe her, but I’ve never felt manipulated by Rhys.
I vow to pay close attention over the next few weeks but don’t expect anything to come of it.
Ivy’s probably just being overprotective.
I hope.