Chapter 37
WHAT. WAS. THAT?
I'm no stranger to sex. Sasha and I have done the deed enough times that I know what it feels like when I come. But that just now was something else.
After the fog of my release lifts slowly, my scrambled brain finds its bearings, and I find the strength to prop myself up.
My legs are shaky, trembling even and I'm not sure how long it will take before they're able to function properly.
At first, I think it's the cancer flaring up.
Another episode when my muscles cramp up and go numb, mild panic coursing its way through me, starting in my chest, unfurling in my stomach.
It would be a horrible way to break the news to Sky after the things he did to me and made me feel. After the high his skill and dirty words sent me on.
Holy fucking shit! I never knew a hand-job could feel like that.
The fog of my after-sex delirium clears, and I blink, Sky's amused, smug grin slamming into focus and it's like I'm slammed over the head again at how unbelievably gorgeous he is.
He's huge. Broad shoulders and big arms, hot, smooth skin tanned from natural sunlight pulled tight over sharp, defined muscles. He's all muscle and sinew and fuck me, he knows exactly how to use them.
Fishing out a packet of wet wipes from the drawer of my bedside table, a flush ravages my cheeks and I keep my gaze downcast as I grab a few and start wiping off evidence of my ejaculation from my belly and his hand – which he doesn't seem to mind at all.
I'm keenly aware of his intense gaze, the smugness that's dissipated from his face, replaced by a soft smile.
The kind that says he could look at me all day and never grow tired.
Tossing the wipes to the ground, my gaze flicks to his crotch without meaning to. He's hard as rock – so hard I can see his cock physically straining against the zipper of his pants.
Sky's arm slips around my waist, and he drops a kiss to my cheek.
"Was that your first orgasm?"
So, that's what an orgasm feels like? Why did no one ever tell me?
I definitely won't mind having a few more of those before I go lights out.
"It was, wasn't it?"
I shoot him a playful stink-eye. "Are you going to make fun of me for it?"
"No. Though how you managed not to make a lot of noise is impressive." He kisses my lips, cupping my cheek in his palm. "This is going to sound cheesy as hell, but it makes me feel like I'm on top of the world knowing you had your first orgasm with me."
I laugh. "You're right. That is cheesy but you get a pass this time.
" Pressing a kiss to his lips, my eyes trail down the muscles in his chest and abdomen, back to the massive bulge in his pants.
Heat coats my face and my lips twist in embarrassment.
"Do you..." I point to his crotch. "Do you want a hand with that? "
Amusement carves into his features, and I mentally curse him for being so damn attractive. He knows all too well the effect he has on me, and the arrogant prick enjoys milking it for all it's worth.
"Offering to lend me your hand, baby?"
Saying it like that feels so dirty. How can he say stuff like that so casually? Scoffing, I glare at him from the corner of my eye. "You're so crude." I avoid looking at his face. "But I mean...if...if you want."
Sky's shoulders shake with silent laughter as he drops a kiss on my lips. "You're too sweet, Conner. You're making me obsessed."
The cage in my stomach bursts open, thousands of fluttering butterflies zipping around in a mad frenzy.
You're making me obsessed.
I think my heart just dropped out of my butt.
He pulls me close until I'm practically in his lap, his arms secured around my waist as he nuzzles my neck with his nose, leaving a trail of butterfly kisses in his wake, leaving no inch of skin untouched by his lips.
Butterflies explode, tingles skittering over my skin.
Biting down on my bottom lip, it's all I can do to suppress a moan as his hands slide over my waist and hips, fingers tracing every indentation between my muscles.
His nose brushes mine, words a whisper against my lips. "Go ahead, baby. Do whatever you want."
My lips twist as my nose scrunches.
"What?" he asks, tilting his head.
"This is why your flings don't leave you alone. Do you talk to all of them this way?"
He laughs. "What if I do? Does that make you jealous?"
"No." Yes. If he's sleeping with me, I want to be the only one he's sleeping with which means I don't want him to talk to anyone else like that. Call me selfish but our conversation outside the gymnasium has weighed on me all evening.
I've never hated myself more for telling him I'm choosing to cut him out of my life.
His decision to call me, my decision to answer, shattered my resolve for being so strong all the time.
It burst open a dam when he confessed to wanting to know we'd got back safely, that he called because he wanted to hear my voice.
It made me realize something – what I've been denying despite my growing affection and the realization that I'm in love with him.
I don't want to be alone. I don't want to face the cancer or these next few months alone. My parents will be by my side but it's different with Sky. I can't explain it, but he has this incredible knack for making me feel safe.
When he's around, it feels like nothing can harm me. That no matter how bad things may get, it can't touch me as long as he's around. In his own way, without knowing it, he makes me feel like I can do anything.
"You are jealous," he teases, a matching grin on his lips. "You're so, so jealous. I can tell, you know."
"You're enjoying this too much."
"I am. So, show me, baby. Show me how jealous you can get." His lips ghost mine, teasingly, with the promise of something more, the fire in his smoldering gaze all-consuming as he guides my hands to the zipper at the front of his jeans.
My head falls against his shoulder, and I have to bite on my lip to keep from making any noise. He's back to peppering my cheek, neck, and shoulder with fervent, light kisses, sparks tingling everywhere he touches.
Sky keeps a hand on my waist, tracing the indentations on my lower back, never venturing lower despite his hands having been intimately acquainted with the most sensitive part of my body minutes ago.
His other hand rests on the back of my neck, fingers sinking into my hair until he's cradling my head against his shoulder.
With unsure fingers, I unbutton his jeans and tug the zipper down.
"Don't be mean," I tell him. "I've never jerked off another guy before."
He groans into my shoulder, the low rumble of his voice sending a wave of pleasure bursting across my skin, traveling down my spine to my cock.
Shit! I'm supposed to be returning the favor, thanking him for the mind-blowing orgasm he gave me. At this rate, we could be here all night.
"I'm so hard for you," he says, "I might come with one touch."
It's my turn to laugh. "And you were giving me shit about being sensitive."
"You enjoyed it."
I did. But I'm not about to verbally admit it because something tells me that he won't let me live it down.
Though, if I'm being honest, I think he already knows how much I enjoyed the teasing and dirty talk, the images it put in my head when he talked about fucking my brains out until I'm lost in a sex-induced haze.
Helping him out of his pants and underwear, I start shrugging off my sweater when he stops me, resuming his previous position with both of us on our knees, facing each other. "Keep it on. You look sexier like this."
My face flames hotter than a baker's oven, but I don't bother hiding the smile on my face.
Brushing hair off my forehead, Sky's dark blue stare bores into me. "Hey, Conner. Can I ask you something?" he asks, his thumb tracing my cheekbone, eyes dancing over my face as if he's memorizing every little detail. "What made you change your mind?"
There's really no reason to lie to him now. If I do, I bet he'll be able to tell because he's always been that way when it comes to me. He can tell when I'm lying, when I'm giving half-truths which is why I suspect he hasn't been able to stay away from me.
He knows I'm keeping a secret and that I'm scared as hell. Yet, he keeps coming back.
Just as I'm unable to stay away for long.
The words leave my mouth, so easily, as if we haven't been caught in a tangled web of roiling, raw emotions for the past week, going back and forth. They come so easy, it's as if I've said them to him a hundred times before.
"I love you. That's why."
I barely have time to react as his lips crash into mine. An anguished groan tumbles out of him. It's hot and raw and real just like everything about him is. His taste is intoxicating, the warmth of his skin a brand on mine.
My hand wraps around his cock, a gasp escaping my mouth that he swallows. He feels like I imagined he would – velvet smooth. Masculine, hot, hard everywhere. Primal. It's enough to make me dizzy.
Precum leaks from his cock, dragging another moan out of me at the thought that I can affect someone like Sky Daniels like this, to have this much control over him.
To have him basically turning into a ravenous beast at my mercy if those near animalistic groans are anything to go by.
They spur me on – rough kisses and hands around my throat.
His hips buck, a steady, torturous rhythm as he starts fucking my hands.
Squeezing his cock with one hand, continuing to stroke as I do, I reach my other between us and scrape my fingers against his balls.
He stops me halfway, gripping my wrist harshly and placing it against his chest. He deepens the kiss, my hips bucking when my fingers find a nipple just at his hand wraps around mine, slamming our cocks together.
"Use both hands, baby," he breathes against my lips, palms skimming over my hipbones to my ass. He squeezes, slaps, and caresses, crushing our cocks between us until I have to brace myself against his shoulder, using one hand instead of both to get us off. "Take it easy."
"Take it easy? You're the one acting like a feral animal."
He squeezes my ass again, swallowing my moan with a hungry kiss. He smiles into it. "That's what you do to me, Conner. I hope you're ready, though."
"For what?" I tease, stroking us faster. He hisses, drawing me closer into his lap, an arm wound like iron bars around my waist, his free hand cradling my head.
"I know what you taste like now. I can't get enough of you."
Heat pools in my belly.
"You're fucking delectable, Conner. Just makes we want to fuck you senseless."
My eyes roll shut, shudders rippling through my body as another orgasm grips me tight.
My breathing gets heavier, my strokes sloppy until Sky chuckles, brushing my hand away to take over.
Our cocks squeeze together and between the orgasm, his hand stroking us to some hot rhythm, his body halfway coiled around mine, I can only hug his shoulders and muffle my moans into them.
"You're doing great, baby." Another shudder wracks me and I tighten my arms around him.
"Kiss me." My body jerks and convulses, Sky slamming his lips into mine as I'm blinded by pleasure, dark spots dotting my vision and a scream disappears into the kiss.
His groan follows, hips jerking as we come at the same time.
Breathing hard, spent, and delirious, lost once more to the post-sex haze, I flop against the mattress, my head hitting the pillow.
I'M SO OUT OF IT that by the time I return to the land of post-sex clarity, I've been cleaned up – wiped down with my jacket zipped and my shorts secured at my hips. Sky is in his boxer briefs, an arm around me keeping me tucked to his side while his fingers rub my shoulder.
Blue eyes peer down at me when I start moving. A smug smirk spreads across his mouth.
"You're back. I thought you were completely gone."
"Shut up."
"I'm just saying...two orgasms within minutes. I have no idea how you'll manage if we get to fifth base."
"Fifth base?"
He laughs. "Anal, Conner."
"Daniels!"
He laughs harder, pulling me close to brush a kiss against my forehead.
Clearing my throat, I decide to address the elephant in the room. After what we did tonight, there's no going back. Every line I hoped not to cross was blurred and erased and obliterated the second I told him I wanted to see him, and he actually showed.
Those lines when kaboom after the hungry kisses, our clothes disappearing, and the way we touched each other. Not to mention the dirty things we said to each other to get off.
But it's so much more than sex or doing anything sexual in nature. With every kiss and touch tonight, we bridged that gap between us, struck down the longing and pining we've been denying all this time.
"So, where does this leave us?"
"Don't you already know?" He tilts his head to look at me. "When it comes to you, I can't be your friend or a friend with benefits."
Sitting up, I run a hand through my hair. "So, we're really doing this, then? The whole...boyfriend thing."
"We don't have to put a label on it yet, if you're not ready," he says assuring.
Like he knows this is a huge step for me since I've been with only girls before and despite feeling for him all that I do, it's going to take a minute getting used to the boyfriend thing.
Honestly, I hadn't thought this far. I knew I liked him, that I wanted him. The idea of calling him my boyfriend hadn't even been on my mind.
"Really?"
He nods, sitting up as well, an elbow propped on his knee. "When I mentioned taking it slow, I wasn't only referring to sex. I was talking about our relationship and going at a pace you're comfortable with."
I blink, his words enveloping me like a warm hearth. But just as quickly, I narrow my eyes and point an accusing finger at him.
"This is how your flings become obsessed with you."
He barks out laughing, taking me by the wrists to drag me closer. "Am I making you obsessed?"
"You know very well what you're doing, asshole."
He takes the insult into stride, peppering my face with kisses. "You're going to kill me with how sweet you are, Conner."
Maybe not, but it will definitely break him if he finds out the truth.