Chapter 48 #2
Her smile is tight, but she nods. She releases a long breath just as the server arrives to take our drink orders.
I order wine, thinking she’s probably right.
Maybe it will help me drop my guard so I can enjoy this meeting instead of it being a confrontation.
But also because I keep thinking about how she confessed that she loves me, even if it was indirectly.
“I’m so proud of you, Lark. You’ve accomplished so much that I wonder if it would have been the same if I had been there.”
“We’ll never know, but I’m starting to realize that living in the past won’t move the needle forward.
I have questions, and I’m hoping you’ll be willing to answer at least some of them.
I’ll give you that same opportunity, and then when we leave, we can decide what happens from here. How does that sound?”
“I’d like that very much. Would you like to go first?”
The wineglasses and a bottle are set on the table.
After the server pours the wine, we order appetizers.
I’m not sure if we’ll make it to dinner, so this feels like less of an obligation.
The alcohol helps. I’ve asked so much of her, but I’ve still been dancing around what I want to know most. So I take another heavier sip, and ask, “Why did you leave?”
“I’ve been trying to figure that out myself for twenty-five years. The reasons made sense in the beginning, but then time passed, and it felt too late to turn back. Does that make sense?”
“No, it doesn’t. I was your daughter. You had a man who worshipped at your feet. You left us. You left us for what? Why?”
It’s the first time tonight that tears begin to well in her eyes. And because I feel this surge of overwhelming emotion from just voicing that question, I take my napkin and dab the corners of my eyes.
She dabs her own eyes, and then says, “My parents cared more about status than my happiness back then. I loved your dad so much, but they cut me off when I refused to stop dating him. They cut me out of their lives entirely. I had no money. I had nothing more than a high school diploma and eyes full of stars when John and I fell in love. Then I had a baby—you. I don’t think you’ll be surprised to hear you were unplanned, but we never had a doubt about starting our family.
It just came a little sooner than expected. ”
Briefly looking across the room, she turns her attention to the wineglass and takes another sip.
“It’s a hard lesson to learn that money matters when you’re surviving off love.
If I found a penny, I’d pick it up because we needed it.
We had nothing back then, and your dad was trying to buy his garage.
It wasn’t going to happen. He would have been turned down for the loan.
” She’s nodding as if she’s attempting to convince herself.
“How would leaving me get him the shop?”
“It wasn’t as easy as you make it sound. There were offers and threats. My parents wanted to leave Beacon Pointe to remove me from the situation.”
Jabbing my fingers into my chest, I say, “I was the situation.”
“This is what I meant by being too late to turn back. The deal was that John would get the loan he needed if I left him.” She pauses, looking down and wiping her eyes again.
“Okay, I understand what a hard position that would be, but he would have made it work without a loan. Why did you leave me?”
“Because they threatened to get custody and take you from us. If I left, at least John would have you. I figured one parent was better than none.” She toys with her napkin and then adds, “I made the biggest mistake in my life leaving the two of you, but please realize at twenty-one, I thought it was the only option I had. I believed them.”
“Yet you kept them in your life.”
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “Not for a lot of those years.” Pressing her palms on the tablecloth, she sinks in her seat just a little “I promise you, Lark, I did what I thought would be best for the two of you. I’ve lived in hell since the day I walked away.”
“Why are rich people so evil?”
Dipping my head down, I know that’s not true. The Westcotts are some of the most generous people I’ve ever known. And Harbor, my Harbor, is always worrying about others. It seems there are just a few bad seeds.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I hope that we can start working toward having a relationship.”
“A relationship?” I’m not sure how to feel about that. I think it’s because I didn’t expect her to take responsibility like she has. She was young, made a bad decision that sounds like she’s spent her life regretting.
How many more years do we have to suffer?
Medically speaking, resentment wreaks havoc on your mental and physical health.
Personally, it’s hard not to feel something when it’s clear Liz is in so much pain.
There’s still so much to work through, but what if .
. . what if we tried to work through it together?
The best gift we can give ourselves is the option to try to move forward.
I reply, “I think I’m ready to start from here, from today and this meeting.”
Her smile is the widest I’ve seen. “I appreciate that so much. Thank you.”
She reaches down and pulls a large white envelope from her bag. Patting it, she says, “I’d like to continue this anytime you’re available and up for it. “I know this is hard, but I would like to ask if we can see each other again?”
It is draining, but I can feel the possibility of coming to peace with her. I have to focus on that aspect. “I’d like that.”
She smiles at me. “Thank you. Let me give you my number.”
We exchange information and then turn to leave, but I stop and go to her. “May I hug you?”
“I’d love that.” She wraps her arms around me, making my heart hurt just a little. This is what it would have felt like had I grown up around her and gotten mom hugs. They’re pretty great.
She hands me the envelope. “I want you to have this.”
“Okay.” I take it and tuck it under my arm.
She says, “I always loved you. I never stopped.” I smile, feeling a little more whole, and think, that’s all I ever wanted to know. “Goodbye, Lark.”
“Goodbye, Mom.”
Seeing Harbor already waiting on the sidewalk, I rush into his arms, fully embracing him. Liz and John didn’t get their happy ending, but I won’t lose mine.
He wraps himself around me, holding me tight and kissing my head.
He was right.
This is home. Like he once said, the place doesn’t matter. Home is found in him.
We get in the car and start back for the apartment. He asks, “How’d it go?”
“I think it was better than I expected.”
“That’s good.” He glances over and then rests his hand on my leg. “But I’m not surprised. You’re amazing.” Always my biggest fan. The charmer.
I rest my hand on his, loving the warmth.
“Thanks, babe.” I take a deep breath, smiling as joy takes hold of me.
I was loved. This is all the little girl inside me ever wanted to hear.
Feeling content, I rest back in the chaos of traffic and smile.
“For the first time in my life, I now know she loved me.”