Chapter 32 #2
God, that was foolish and mortifying, and she still couldn’t stop it. And she knew there was so much more bubbling underneath the surface, she wasn’t na?ve enough to believe her emotional state was entirely because of Juliet.
However, Juliet was the only one here to bear witness, to be on the receiving end of – what Darcy could feel was – the beginning of a breakdown.
She couldn’t possibly put the cap back on the bottle inside of her; it was far too late and everything was swiftly rising to the surface.
She could already feel her breathing growing choppy with it.
“This is not a good day to have an emotional conversation,” she managed to tell Juliet haltingly, scrubbing her hands over her face. “I’m a lot more… sensitive right now than I normally am.”
She made herself laugh, the sound higher pitched than was typical, sounding a little wild. Because wasn’t that funny?
“Sorry.” Her breath hitched, cutting through her laughter.
“It’s just funny, because I’m a pretty emotional and reactionary person normally, as you and Blythe have both pointed out.
Today – today’s about to get a lot worse,” she tried to warn her, before she pressed her hand to her lips, trying to stem the tide.
Trying to stop the sob that nearly burst out.
“Because of your mother?” Juliet asked, her eyes so big and concerned, as she kept them trained on Darcy’s face from a few feet away.
Darcy’s body locked up tight at the very mention of her.
“Yeah, because of my mother,” she answered thickly, before one of her breaths shuddered out, and she pressed her lips tightly together.
She stayed that way for several seconds, until she thought she had it under control enough to say, “Look, Juliet, you should probably go because I’m about to lose it.
Like really lose it. Can you go and come back la–”
“I don’t want to go anywhere.” Juliet’s voice was low and so firm, it cut through Darcy’s warning.
She turned away and closed her eyes tightly, warding off her tears as long as she possibly could. Trying to hold it together.
Darcy could hear Juliet’s quiet footsteps as she came closer, walking right up behind Darcy. She laid her hand softly against her back, her touch warm and entirely too comforting.
“I really don’t want to go anywhere. Which is a little crazy for me, if I’m being totally honest. But if you want me to be here, I’d like to be here,” Juliet whispered, stroking her thumb back and forth.
It was Juliet’s touch that did it. That made the sob break out of her throat, unable to be held down any longer.
When the cry broke from her lips, her shoulders sagged, unable to really hold herself upright. All of the tension snapped, both physical and emotional.
Her knees felt week and her tears started rolling down her cheeks like a fucking waterfall. She simply closed her eyes, because she couldn’t even see through them anymore.
Then Juliet was in front of her, arms wrapped around Darcy’s waist, grasping her tightly. Taking her weight and holding her up, which was fucking fantastic because Darcy really didn’t know if she’d be able to keep herself upright at this point.
She shook her head.
“I – I don’t–” She didn’t know what she was trying to say, exactly. Trying to apologize for this? Trying to explain the tangled knot of emotion inside of her to justify it?
But she couldn’t manage more words than those strangled sounds.
“Just tell me later. Whatever it is, tell me later,” Juliet’s tone was soft, but her words were an inarguable order, and the combination was precisely what Darcy needed, somehow.
Juliet telling her what to do, telling her in the tone she needed to hear.
She dropped her head on Juliet’s shoulder, curling her hands into tight fists in the soft material of her sweater, and cried.
Darcy had no concept of time by the time she felt cried out.
Or… almost cried out?
She was still hiccupping, and even when she thought she might be done, some more tears stung at her eyes, dripping down her cheeks when she blinked.
She felt completely wrecked from the inside out, in the worst way possible. In a way she definitely never imagined she’d feel while in Juliet’s embrace.
And driven by that feeling of all of her emotions like an exposed nerve, she bit the bullet.
Clearing her throat, which was scratchy and hoarse and absolutely something she needed to be concerned about regarding her show tonight, she asked, “Why have things felt weird? Please don’t tell me it’s just in my head. ”
Was she begging? Or was she simply exhausted? Could be both.
“And I know you don’t necessarily owe me anything, and we didn’t establish what we are,” she broke off on a sharp breath, then used that moment to collect herself. Inhaling measured and controlled, before she pulled back enough to actually look at Juliet. “But I just thought…”
She’d thought things were settled, if somewhat ambiguous.
Juliet didn’t blink or look away. Which, admittedly, a part of Darcy – even now – thought she might have.
Instead, she reached up and used the sleeves of her undoubtedly designer sweater to gently swipe over Darcy’s cheeks.
Her bottom lip poked out in a thoughtful pout before she answered, “This is your first tour; it’s crazy and it’s hectic and it’s…
a lot. You’re doing four shows a week, traveling two or three nights a week on the tour bus. ”
Darcy frowned. “Yeah, I know all of this.”
Juliet paused her motions and locked her eyes on Darcy’s, arching her eyebrow up at her. But there was a smile that curled up at the corner of her mouth. “I can’t even eyeroll your mouth because I’m happy to hear you.” With that, she very gently rubbed her fingers right under Darcy’s eyes.
She fluttered them closed with a sigh.
“What I’m getting at is that I’ve been trying to be… thoughtful. You know, not calling you as soon as your show is done. Giving you space to experience it all. You have wanted this for so long; you should be able to experience it all.”
“Okay, but what, exactly, do you think I’d be missing out on experiencing? Hooking up with someone after a show?” She couldn’t help but snort, incredulously, at the very idea.
Juliet swiftly brought one of her hands down to Darcy’s chin, tilting her head down to directly look in her eyes. “Absolutely. Not.” She stated, firm and intense and deadly serious.
Darcy’s breath caught in her throat, her stomach fluttering. “I have no interest in that, anyway.”
“Good,” Juliet murmured, stroking her thumb over Darcy’s lips.
Fuck, she really loved when Juliet did that. She’d missed it, and she shivered at the contact.
“In theory, that’s nice. Except, I don’t want space from you, Juliet. Sure, I’m on tour, so we’re going to have to have some physical distance. But I don’t want to feel distant from you.”
Her heart pounded in her chest, and she didn’t know if that was within their parameters or whatever. But she didn’t have it in her to express herself more eloquently right now or to hold that in.
“You know I haven’t done this before. But–”
Whatever else she had to say was stopped short by Juliet leaning up and pressing her lips against Darcy’s, swallowing the rest of her words.
A soft sound escaped the back of her throat as she wrapped her arms around Juliet, holding her snugly against her body again. This was exactly what she’d needed, not only today but since the day she’d left Juliet’s house.
Their kiss stayed soft, so much softer than they’d ever done in the past. The way Juliet’s hand stayed on her jaw, stroking her fingertips up and down her cheek made everything inside of Darcy tighten, then completely relax.
When Juliet pulled back, breaking their kiss, she said quietly, “I haven’t done this before, either. Just so you know.”
“So, what are you going to do? About your mother?” Juliet asked, an hour later, as they sat outside on Darcy’s small balcony.
Apparently, somewhere along the way, Juliet had picked up on how much Darcy enjoyed sitting outside with her view. Maybe it had been how much Darcy had effused loving the greenery in Juliet’s backyard.
Regardless of how they got here, they were here. Juliet had her chair tucked up close to Darcy’s, close enough so she could keep their fingers lightly intertwined.
Darcy stared out at the water, taking a breath that only served to make her chest feel tight at how the conversations with Blythe and Eliana had played out. “I guess nothing.”
Juliet immediately twisted to face her, obviously confused. “That doesn’t sound like you. Is that what you want?”
“No. Not really.” She let out a humorless laugh, reaching up and rubbing her temples.
“I want to rage and snap at her. Or, at the very least – I don’t know.
Have a lawyer reach out to her. And maybe it’s impulsive, maybe I need to control that urge.
I just…” She let out a sigh from the very depths of her soul.
Juliet squeezed her hand tightly, giving her a much-needed outlet, as she squeezed back.
Then she released a deep breath, trying to maintain the calm she’d found sitting out here together.
“I hate that she can do this. I hate that she can poke her head up and cash in on us. She has no right to do that.” She sniffed, shaking her head.
“Blythe thinks giving her any of our time or money, even on a lawyer, would give her too much power. Eliana did some research into public sentiment and reported back that – by and large – this is actually looking good for us, given the whole story.”
Especially because, in response to their mom coming out of the woodwork, people from Pineford had absolutely blasted her back in comments and stitched together videos about what a liar she was.
She sank down into her chair, narrowing her eyes over the water. “I agreed that I wouldn’t say or do anything, so I’m going to keep my promise. So…” She released another sigh. “That’s it, then.”
Darcy supposed there was some comfort to take in that. It was decided. She couldn’t do anything.
Her mother had never been particularly consistent and didn’t have very much staying power. Sooner rather than later, she’d disappear again. Darcy supposed she’d just have to wait it out, even if it drove her crazy.
Juliet’s eyes were narrowed in thought as she hummed quietly in understanding.
Darcy rolled her shoulders back, releasing a deep breath. She had to leave for her soundcheck soon, so she really needed to keep things in check. Which, really, was a lot easier now that she’d made a complete mess of herself crying on Juliet’s shoulder.
She turned slightly in her chair, aiming a teasing smile at Juliet. “Hey, at the very least, the last time I didn’t completely control myself when it came to the media, it led to something pretty neat.”
“Neat, huh?” Juliet laughed. “Sure. Neat.”
Darcy was beginning to think that Juliet was a little life-changing for her, but… she simply grinned back, watching the afternoon sun shine warmly down on Juliet, giving her that angelic glow.
Which made her think – on the same topic of Juliet’s sweet, guileless face – “How did you get into my hotel room? Before I even checked in?” She asked, frowning back over her shoulder into the now-empty room.
That was… concerning. Granted, it was Juliet, and she’d wanted Juliet here. But shouldn’t these rooms be more secure?!
Juliet’s eyes lit up, adorably mischievous. “I have my ways. Honestly, you’d be surprised how easy it can be to get access. I wouldn’t be shocked if – at some point – you walk into your hotel room and find a fan.”
Darcy’s lips twisted into a deep frown, shaking her head. “Ah, no thank you.”
“Just you wait,” Juliet sort-of teased. Her tone was light, but Darcy could tell she wasn’t totally joking. “I’m telling you. If you ever experience something wild, it will be on tour.”
Juliet took a deep breath as she stood from her chair and swiftly turned and lowered herself onto Darcy’s lap, eyes boring into hers.
“If you do ever find someone in your room, feel free to – in your words – knock them on their ass,” Juliet stated, firmly. “We will deal with the PR later.”
She lifted her eyebrows in surprise. “Deal with the PR later? That’s interesting coming from you. Especially since…” She slid both of her hands up over Juliet’s thighs, then around to clasp behind her back, pulling them even closer together. “You’re the only person who’s ever done such a thing.”
“Your safety is no joke.” Juliet reached out, tunneling her hands into Darcy’s hair, angling her head up. “And if you feel the need to knock me on my ass, then…”
Darcy hummed in pretend thought, sliding her hands down to cup Juliet’s aforementioned ass. God, it felt so good to touch her. “I’m sure we will figure out something.”