Chapter 36 #4
“Look at what I did for you. Got this so ready to be inside of you,” she murmured, reaching her hand out to Darcy, her fingertips shining.
Darcy came to her, crawling back onto the bed as she took Juliet’s slick fingertips between her lips. The feeling of Darcy’s hot mouth sucking on her made her roll her hips up into the air, jesus.
“Take me inside of you while you suck my fingers,” she ordered, but her demand was tremulous.
How could she keep it together completely when Darcy did exactly as she said?
How could anyone stay sane in her position?
Darcy immediately tossed her leg over Juliet’s hips, then lowered herself down, taking Juliet to the hilt in a single slide. She exhaled roughly around Juliet’s fingers, but kept her lips firmly wrapped around, sucking her deeper into her mouth.
Darcy’s eyes closed as she started rocking her hips. There was no rhyme or reason to her movements, just jerky, needy fucking.
Juliet could barely catch her own breath, as Darcy rode her. The feeling of Darcy’s tongue against the pads of her fingertips went right to her clit.
She did everything she could to control herself, to focus.
“I chose this,” she thrust her hips up into Darcy, forcefully, making Darcy’s eyes flutter open. “Because I knew I wanted to fuck you after you’d been inside of me.”
She pulled her hand out of Darcy’s mouth, moving to hold her jaw in place. Keeping her right there, staring down at Juliet’s face. She wanted to stare at Darcy like this, just like this.
“This – mm,” Darcy cut herself off, setting even more of a demanding pace. “You can fuck me like this any time, as long as I fuck you, first. That’s… oh, god, th-that’s what makes me–”
Darcy’s teeth dug into her bottom lip so tightly, unable to finish talking, but she’d said enough. So hot. So good. So – so Darcy.
Juliet blindly reached for Darcy’s other hand, interlacing their fingers. Needing to feel that connection.
“Touch yourself. Rub your clit. I know you need to come for me,” she urged, squeezing Darcy’s hand with her own.
Darcy did exactly as Juliet asked, darting her hand between her legs and sliding her fingers over herself.
“Eyes open,” Juliet growled immediately, needing to see her. It was a non-negotiable right now.
Darcy nodded, the sounds leaving her throat getting higher and higher pitched, as she bounced down on Juliet faster. The color was rising up her neck, her cheeks.
Juliet knew from the continuous hitching of her breath that Darcy was on the precipice, that she was just about to come.
She sat up, bringing them face to face.
Darcy cried out sharply at the change, falling against Juliet as she jerked and shuddered.
“Mine,” Juliet growled, mindlessly. Just as out of her own mind as if she were the one coming. She gripped Darcy’s hand even tighter. “Mine.”
When Juliet woke up in the morning, her body was sore in the best possible way; in exactly the way she’d wanted.
She stretched her arm out, onto Darcy’s side of the bed.
Only to find that it was empty.
Which – was not normal.
She sat up quickly, confused. Looking around.
Darcy did not wake up before her. That was just… it simply didn’t happen. Even after Jukebox Calamity had come out and she hadn’t been riddled with so much anxiety, she still slept later than Juliet did.
She was also usually a much heavier sleeper.
Unsettled by that, let alone that Juliet was well aware they hadn’t actually talked through yesterday, she quickly got out of bed. Hurriedly, she pulled on her robe and didn’t even have the ability to act like she wasn’t concerned or rushing down the hallway.
“Darcy?” She called out.
“Yeah?” Darcy answered, echoing up from downstairs.
Juliet’s footsteps faltered, as she was hit by a far sweeter relief than she’d like to admit. She took a moment to let it sink in, closing her eyes.
Able to breathe easier, she shook her head, and took a moment to actually tie the sash around her robe. Make it look like she hadn’t jumped up and ran out of her bed.
She made her way down the stairs, dragging her hand through her hair as she hit the bottom.
Her relief was short-lived, however, when her eyes landed on Darcy’s suitcase. They’d arranged to have it brought here from the airport yesterday; Laura had been here to receive it and take it in.
But Laura had put it just inside of Juliet’s bedroom. That suitcase hadn’t been in the living room last night.
Crossing her arms tightly over her stomach, she forced a deep inhale. Searching for calm.
“Why is your suitcase downstairs?” She asked even before turning to face Darcy, who was sitting at the kitchen island. “And why are you downstairs?” Then she took Darcy in, and her chest tightened, her stomach sinking. “Why are you dressed?”
Her question came out sounding far more like an accusation. Maybe it was. She didn’t really know; she just knew she didn’t like what she was seeing.
“I was waiting for you to wake up.” Darcy’s voice was quiet, as she turned to look at her.
Were they going to fight? Darcy didn’t look angry. Which was, actually, way worse than an argument. Because she looked uncertain.
“Why?” She asked, her arms folded tightly over her stomach. Holding herself together. “There are a lot of why’s I’m still waiting on answers for.”
She couldn’t control the sharpness in her tone even if she tried. Because she felt – she felt panicked. Juliet wasn’t familiar with this kind of panicked feeling, but she knew, acutely, that she hated it.
“Juliet…” Darcy sighed out her name like it was a prayer on her lips.
Juliet’s heart flip-flopped, as she walked closer, her jaw setting tightly. “Darcy.”
Darcy reached up, rubbing her fingertips over her temple. “I’m – look, I’m just going to lay everything I’m feeling out for you. Because you know I’m bad at holding it in.”
Was that a good or a bad thing? Juliet’s mind ran around in circles trying to figure that out, as if she could predict whatever Darcy was going to say.
“I know that Robbie was around long before I was.” Darcy dropped her hand from her head heavily down into her lap, staring beseechingly at Juliet.
Her eyes were wide and clear and so full of emotion, it made Juliet ache.
“I know you’ve had this arrangement for years.
I know it isn’t ‘real,’ at least, not to you two. ”
She paused, tightly rolling her lips, casting her gaze down into her lap, where she’d started toying with her rings.
“But… it’s different. At least, for me, it’s different. Not coming out is one thing; that’s just – privacy. Having the entire world believe you two are together? Talking about getting engaged.” Darcy cut herself off, her mouth turning down into a frown.
One that was simply sad, and it clawed into Juliet.
“I know it’s not real. But it still hurts,” she admitted, her voice dropping to a whisper.
Juliet’s breath trembled out of her, shaking her head. She didn’t even know what to say, she just knew… she just knew she didn’t want this.
Darcy seemed to fortify herself, rolling her shoulders back as she flipped her hands over and gripped her thighs.
“The last twenty-four hours have been insane. I’m coming off the tour, which was exhausting.
And then the premiere right after…” She shook her head.
“I couldn’t sleep well last night. I think what I need to do is just go home.
Go to Pineford. Take a little breather. Come down from – everything. ”
With that, Darcy slid off the stool.
“I booked a flight. I have a car that’s coming to pick me up. Well, it’s going to pick me up at the café down the street. The driver’s down there already, but I was waiting for you a little longer.”
Darcy was leaving, even though they hadn’t planned for her to go back to Pineford today.
More than anything, Darcy couldn’t sleep here last night. Darcy hadn’t been able to sleep here, with Juliet. It hit her so hard, it rocked her back a step.
She’d always been a place where Darcy could rest.
“Are you…” She had to stop, to clear her throat, because her words were so strained even she could barely hear them. “Are you breaking up with me, Darcy?”
Juliet was, actually, very proud of herself for managing to get the question out without breaking. Because she felt like she was a breath away from totally shattering inside.
“No. I’m not,” Darcy stated, firmly.
Juliet’s knees actually wobbled from the release of the tension inside of her. To the point that she reached out to grip the island for support. Darcy wasn’t breaking up with her, and yet Juliet still felt, inexplicably, like crying.
She blinked up at Darcy when she came to stand right in front of Juliet.
And then she shivered, when Darcy’s hands came up to gently cup her jaw. Angling Juliet to look right in her eyes, only inches away.
“When we were having sex, you said…” Darcy paused, her warm breath washing over Juliet’s lips. “You said I’m yours.”
Juliet nodded, just a little. Not enough to move Darcy’s hands from where she was still holding her.
“I am yours,” Darcy confessed. She blinked quickly, and Juliet realized Darcy’s lashes were wet with tears.
Juliet’s own breathing felt labored, her throat tight.
She’d said it during sex, but that was… sex. This was entirely different. This confession wasn’t about anything physical, and she felt it through her entire body.
“I have been yours since you insulted me to Serena Fisher. Not the same way I am now,” Darcy acknowledged with a dry, sharp laugh.
“But… you have been the focal point of my very being since that moment. I’m yours.
In every way possible. I think about you all of the time. I ache for you, constantly.”
Juliet attempted to speak, but for once, she was at a loss for words. Her throat was so tight with the way her heart was pounding in her chest, she didn’t know if she’d be able to say them, anyway.
Darcy gently stroked her fingers down the sides of Juliet’s neck, like she couldn’t get enough of touching her.
Juliet intimately understood that.
“I love you, Juliet. In all of the ways that I have never loved anyone else.” Darcy’s lips twitched, tremulously.
The words echoed through her, making her feel both weightless and completely weighted down. Making her lightheaded. Making her want to laugh and cry and – and she’d never… no one had ever said that to her, and she’d never wanted them to.
Only Darcy.
Darcy quickly reached up to swipe her hands under her ears to catch any stray tears. “I don’t want you to say it, now. If that’s even what you were going to say. Just… you tell me, if you feel the same, when you feel it’s the time.”
Maybe that was for the best.
Because Juliet hadn’t ever said that to someone. And… and she didn’t want to say it to Darcy like this. When Darcy might think it was a reaction to a very intense, emotional night/morning together.
Darcy cleared her throat, managing a sweet, small smile. “I know that we can’t be together publicly. I can be okay with that; your hands are tied. But… I think I really need to take a few days to reset. And then we can sit down and have a rational talk, about how we can move forward with this.”
Darcy leaned in, pressing her lips to Juliet’s temple. She could feel the way Darcy breathed her in, and her own eyes closed, as she released her grip on the island, and instead gripped the back of Darcy’s shirt.
Darcy, who loved her.
Darcy stayed still for another few seconds, even as she stopped technically kissing Juliet’s temple. Just… stood, pressed against her. Juliet could feel her heart beating, how it was pounding quickly in her chest, in total opposition to Darcy’s outwardly calm demeanor.
Finally, Darcy inhaled once more and held her breath as she pulled back. “I’m going to go home.”