Chapter 24 #2
Magnus exhaled slowly. "Bruised. Shaken. Angry, I think, though she's hidin' it well." He stopped, struggled for words. "She was incredible last night, Torvald. The way she fought them. She told me she caused that fire tae buy herself time. She's stronger than I gave her credit fer."
"Aye. I could have told ye that weeks ago." Torvald's smile was brief. "She's good fer ye, Magnus. I hope ye ken that."
"I dae."
"Dae ye?" His friend's gaze was searching. "Because from where I'm standin', it looks like ye're still holdin' her at arm's length. Still waitin' fer her tae prove she's nae Freydis."
Magnus's jaw tightened. "That's nae what I'm daeing."
"It is exactly that. And ye need to figure out soon whether ye're goin' tae trust her or nae. Because that lass deserves better than half yer heart while ye keep the other half locked away behind walls."
The words hit harder than they should have because they were true.
Last night, in the aftermath of terror and relief, Magnus had let his walls down. Had kissed Ada like he was starving for her. Had let himself show her exactly how much he wanted her, how much he cared.
But when it came to that final intimacy, that complete surrender, he'd pulled back. Had made excuses about her being hurt, about wanting to go slow, when the truth was he was terrified. Of giving her that last piece of himself. Of trusting her with the depths of what he felt.
Of risking the kind of devastation Freydis had left him with.
"I'm tryin'," Magnus said quietly. "It's nae easy fer me, Torvald. Trustin' someone after what happened."
"I ken. But Ada's nae Freydis. And the longer ye treat her like she might be, the more ye're goin' tae hurt her." Torvald gripped his shoulder briefly. "Just dinnae wait too long. A woman like that, she willnae wait forever for ye to figure out what she's worth."
He left, closing the door quietly behind him.
Magnus stood alone in the war room, his friend's words echoing in his mind.
Torvald was right. About all of it.
Ada deserved better than what he was giving her. Deserved a man who could love her without fear, without constantly waiting for betrayal.
But Magnus didn't know how to be that man. Didn't know how to let go of the past long enough to fully embrace what they could have together.
All he knew was that the thought of losing her, really losing her, was worse than any fear of betrayal could ever be.
Ada kept her eyes closed, her breathing slow and steady, as Magnus moved about the chamber.
She'd woken when he'd first stirred, had felt the moment his body tensed beside hers. Had known from the quality of his stillness that he wasn't going back to sleep.
Part of her had wanted to reach for him. To pull him back down and make him rest, make him stop carrying the weight of everything on his own shoulders.
But another part, the part that was still hurt from last night, still confused by his rejection, kept her still and silent.
So she'd listened to him dress. Heard the whisper of fabric, the clink of his belt buckle, the soft thud of boots being pulled on. Each sound precise and controlled, just like Magnus himself.
Even in the privacy of their chamber, even when he thought she was sleeping, he maintained that iron discipline.
Ada had felt his gaze on her before he left. Had sensed him pause at the door, looking back. The urge to open her eyes, to call him back, had been almost overwhelming.
But she'd stayed still. Let him go.
The door closed with a quiet click, and only then had Ada opened her eyes.
The chamber felt empty without him. Cold, despite the fire still burning low in the hearth. She pulled the blankets tighter around herself, breathing in the scent of him that clung to the furs.
Ada's hand moved to her jaw, touched the bruise there gingerly. It hurt, but not as much as the rejection had.
"He daesnae trust me," she whispered to the empty room. "Still. After everythin', he daesnae trust me."
The thought burned worse than any of her physical injuries.
Ada threw back the blankets, stood despite the ache in her muscles. She had to move. Had to do something other than lie there dwelling on things she couldn't change.
She dressed carefully. Her hands trembled slightly as she worked, remnants of last night's fear still lingering in her system.
When she was presentable, or as presentable as she could be with a bruised face and split lip, Ada left the chamber. She wanted to see Mairi. Needed to talk to someone who might understand what she was feeling.
The corridors were busy with morning activity. Servants carrying water and linens, guards changing shifts, the smell of bread baking in the kitchens. Everything normal on the surface, but Ada could sense the tension underneath.
People stared as she passed. Their eyes caught on her bruised face, her split lip. Some looked away quickly, uncomfortable. Others offered small nods of respect, of sympathy.
Word had spread then. About the attack. About her rescue.
Ada kept her head high, refused to show how much their stares affected her. She was Lady of Barra now, whether she wanted the title or not. She couldn't afford to appear weak.
She found Mairi in the healing chambers, organizing supplies and humming softly to herself. The older woman looked up when Ada entered, her expression immediately shifting to concern.
"Ada! Lass, what are ye daein' out of bed? Ye should be restin'."
"I've rested enough." Ada closed the door behind her. "I needed tae see ye. Tae talk."
Mairi set down the herbs she'd been sorting, moved closer to examine Ada's face. Her touch was gentle as she tilted Ada's chin, checking the bruise and the split lip.
"It looks worse than it is," Ada said.
"It looks like someone hit ye hard enough tae knock sense from ye." Mairi's voice was sharp with anger.
"If Magnus hadnae gotten there when he did, I dinnae ken what would have happened." Ada's voice dropped.
"But he did. That's what matters." Mairi guided her to a stool, pressed a cup of willow bark tea into her hands. "Drink this. Fer the pain."
Ada sipped obediently, the bitter liquid coating her tongue. The warmth of it helped, loosening some of the tightness in her chest.
"How are ye really?" Mairi asked, pulling up another stool. "Nae just the bruises. How are ye?"
And that simple question, asked with such genuine concern, broke something loose in Ada. Tears welled up, spilled over before she could stop them.
"I dinnae ken," she whispered. "I should be grateful, shouldnae I? Magnus saved me. He fought fer me." Her voice cracked. "He was so gentle afterward. So careful. Like I mattered tae him."
"Because ye dae matter to him, lass."
"Then why," Ada stopped, wiped at her tears roughly. "Why willnae he let me in completely? Why daes he still hold himself back even after everythin'?"
Mairi was quiet for a moment, her weathered face thoughtful.
"He pulls away," Mairi said gently.
"Aye." Ada's hands curled around the warm cup. "Said he needed more time. But how long dae I have tae wait fer him tae trust me?"
"As long as it takes, I suppose." Mairi reached out, squeezed Ada's hand. "I ken that's nae what ye want tae hear. But Magnus, he's nae a simple man, lass. What happened with his first wife, it changed him. Made him afraid of trustin' again."
"Everyone keeps sayin' that. But nay one will tell me what actually happened." Frustration leaked into Ada's voice. "Dae ye believe he killed her? Like the rumors say?"
"Nay." Mairi's answer was immediate and firm. "I was here when Freydis died. I was the one who tried to save her. And I can tell ye with absolute certainty, Magnus didnae kill that woman. If anythin', her death nearly destroyed him."
Ada leaned forward. "Then what happened? Why willnae anyone tell me?"
"Because it's naebody’s story to tell other than Magnus's." Mairi's expression was gentle but unyielding. "If ye want tae ken the truth, the whole truth, ye need tae ask him. Make him tell ye what happened that night. What Freydis did, that broke him so completely."
"He willnae talk about it. Every time I bring her up, he shuts down."
"Then keep tryin’." Mairi's grip tightened on Ada's hand.
"That man loves ye, lass. I'm as certain of that as I am of me own name.
But his love is all tangled up with fear and pain from the past. Until he faces that, until he tells ye the truth and lets ye help him carry it, he'll never be able tae give ye all of himself. "
Ada absorbed that, turning it over in her mind. "Ye really think he loves me?"
"I ken he daes. I've seen the way he looks at ye when he thinks nay one's watchin'.
I've seen how protective he is, how gentle despite all that rage he carries.
That's nae just attraction, lass. That's love.
" Mairi smiled sadly. "But love isnae always enough if ye cannae trust it.
If ye cannae believe the other person willnae destroy ye with it. "
"So what dae I dae?"
"Be patient. But also be honest. Tell him how ye feel. Tell him what ye need."
Ada nodded slowly, wiping away the last of her tears. "And if he still cannae let me in? If he's too broken tae love me the way I need tae be loved?"
Mairi's expression turned sad. "Then ye'll have tae decide if ye can live with that. Or if ye deserve better than a man who can only give ye half his heart."
The words settled heavy in Ada's chest. Because she knew the answer already.
She deserved better. Deserved a man who could love her without fear, without constantly waiting for her to betray him.
But the problem was she didn't want any other man.
She wanted Magnus. Broken, guarded, impossibly complicated Magnus.
And somehow, she had to find a way to make him understand that she wasn't going anywhere. That he could trust her with the darkest parts of himself.
That his past didn't have to define their future.
If only he'd let her try.