Chapter Colin Adams
COLIN ADAMS
Today, my work just flowed—more than on any other day.
When you do something you love, something different happens.
Don’t ask me why; I can’t explain it, but I can feel it.
Even though I’m a man unhappy in more ways than I can count—and practically forced by James to take on the design for his new mansion—I can honestly say I’m satisfied with the work I’m doing. It seems I haven’t “lost my touch.”
The door to my office cracked open, and I saw my son hesitating on the threshold, unsure if he should come in. I didn’t mind. In fact, I was happy—this was the second time he’d come looking for me.
“Dad!”
“What is it, son?” I asked, instantly attentive.
“I wanted to know if… you want to come watch a soccer game. I’m playing.”
It was the first time since the accident that my son had invited me to be part of something in his life.
It had been painfully clear that our bond had almost completely broken after that awful day. For months, I tried and failed to rebuild what we had.
I was the one at fault—I stopped chasing after the person I love most in this world. I’m still paying for those mistakes, but now there’s a flicker of hope. Isabelle and Hanna made me see what I’d been losing, and this time, I intend to get it right.
“We can bring Hanna if she wants,” he added quickly, probably thinking I was about to say no because I’d taken too long to answer.
“I’ll go,” I finally said. “When is it?”
“Uh… now.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” I stood up from my chair, not even sure why I was this excited. My son looked just as confused.
“Really? You’re actually coming?” His eyes lit up, disbelief written all over his face. I couldn’t blame him—he rarely asked me for anything, and I never offered.
“I am.”
“Can we call Hanna?”
“Yes.”
“Thanks, Dad!”
He ran out of my office, grinning from ear to ear—and that sight alone filled me with more joy than I’d felt in a long time.
Both kids were holding my hands as we walked down the sidewalk, and Norton, my security guard, followed a few steps behind.
I don’t usually ask them to follow me around like that, but after what happened at Isabelle’s house—and with Hanna being with me—it felt smarter to be safe than sorry. Isabelle had immediately agreed to let me take her, and the soccer field was only about eight blocks away. Pretty close, really.
“I’m gonna score one goal for everyone in the house.”
“Hm. I want you to score two for me,” Hanna said, her voice full of authority. “I came to watch you play.”
“Why two?”
“Just because.”
“Okay.”
They both laughed, and Hanna beamed, clearly thrilled she’d gotten her way.
The two of them were bursting with energy, talking non-stop from the moment we left the mansion until we reached the small field.
“I have to go now, Dad.”
“Good luck, son. Win the game for us. Hanna and I will be in the stands cheering for you.”
“Okay.”
Things were still a little awkward between us. We said goodbye without a hug or a kiss. I was still learning how to show affection without fearing it wouldn’t be returned.
“Do you think he’ll score two goals for me?”
“I hope so.”
“Hm. I don’t like soccer,” she blurted suddenly, catching me off guard.
“Really?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why not?”
“People get hurt. I don’t like that. And I’m scared of blood.” She laughed.
Her smile was beautiful. Every day, she looked more and more like her mother. I could already tell she was going to be a chatterbox when she grew up—I’d bet on it.
“If you don’t like it, why’d you come with us?”
“Joshua’s nice. I like him. Sometimes I make him play with me when he’s in a bad mood, and he still plays anyway.”
I hadn’t expected to hear something like that from a five-year-old. I couldn’t help but laugh—this little girl was way too clever for her age.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Because someone’s a little too smart for just five years old. You surprise me all the time.”
“Am I nice, Uncle Colin?”
“More than nice.” I spread my hands apart, as if to show something big.
“What’s more than nice?”
“Super nice.”
We both laughed—and then I froze for a second. What was I doing?
How had all this happened in such a short time? Without even realizing it, she was breaking down all my walls, helping me reconnect with Joshua, teaching me patience with the people around me, letting Isabelle into my life...
It was all her fault.
“Her fault?!”
“What?”
I hadn’t noticed I’d said that last part out loud, and she must’ve heard me.
“I meant it’s all your fault, Hanna!” I said, pretending to be annoyed, narrowing my eyes at her.
“Yeah? Is that bad?”
“Actually, it’s the opposite. You’re turning me into a better person.”
“But you’re already super nice, Uncle Colin. I like you a lot too, you know?”
She completely disarmed me—no use fighting it. The more I spoke, the more I gave myself away. Sometimes I really should just keep quiet.
“It’s mutual.”
“Huh?”
I smiled.
“I mean I like you too. A lot.”
More than I should, actually.
“Oh. Okay.”
The match had just started, and we both went quiet, watching the game. For someone who talked as much as she did, Hanna stayed still for almost the whole match—and that surprised me. She was really paying attention to Joshua.
Unfortunately, my son’s team lost the game, six to five. But when he came back, I didn’t see any sadness in his eyes. He actually looked happy, though I wasn’t sure why. It could’ve been a lot of things—but I liked to think one of them was because we were there.
Then something unexpected happened… and I mean literally out of nowhere. Hanna ran straight to Joshua and wrapped her arms around him in a long, tight hug.
“You scored two goals for me!”
I looked over at Joshua, who looked back at me, completely confused. My son clearly didn’t know how to react to that, but I just shook my head and half-closed my eyes, silently telling him not to try to make sense of that little girl’s mind.
“I need to go to the bathroom, Uncle Colin.”
“I’ll take you to the ladies’ locker room.”
I waited for her outside the door. Before she went in, I asked if she could manage on her own—and thankfully, she said yes. That would’ve been way too awkward otherwise.
“Why did she hug me? I said I’d score a goal for everyone, but I only scored two. And we still lost.”
“She decided both of those goals were for her. Let it go, son. What matters is that she’s happy. Hanna’s still little—she doesn’t understand everything.”
“At first she was really annoying, but now I like her. Is that wrong, Dad?”
“Why would it be wrong?” I asked, curious about what he meant.
“Well… because of my sister. I’m not betraying her, am I? By playing with Hanna and talking to her?”
I knelt down so we were eye level. Sometimes you have to be a father, not just stand there pretending to be one.
“Son… I’m sure Maddison would be really happy to see you making friends.
Your sister was a special girl, and she adored you.
I’ve never seen anyone so protective of someone—not even me or your mom.
But she wouldn’t want you to be alone. She wouldn’t want you to shut yourself off from the world or live without friends. ”
“Then why do you act like that?”
I hadn’t seen that question coming—and it hit hard. It’s one I ask myself every day. Why did I lose interest in life? Why did everything stop mattering? The answer is painfully clear: Maddison.
How am I supposed to give my son strength when I can’t even face my own loss?
Thinking about her death still breaks me, and I doubt I’ll ever really get over it.
“Because I feel responsible for everything,” was all I managed to say.
“You miss her a lot, don’t you, Daddy?”
Joshua hadn’t called me Daddy since the accident. Hearing that word again—it might not mean much to others, but to me, it meant everything.
“I miss her so much I’d give my life to have her back.”
“Why don’t you miss Mommy too?”
That was dangerous territory. He knew I avoided talking about Jeniffer. He knew there was something I wasn’t saying.
“Some things happened… adult things.”
“Will I ever find out?”
“Yes, son. One day. When it’s time.”