Chapter 11
Jameson wasn’t sure why he’d told Lottie everything that had happened with Sue Ellen and Coleman. Maybe it was the darkness of the night, that they were alone, that he had nothing to lose because he was leaving soon.
Or maybe it was easier to face Sue Ellen’s death after almost two years had elapsed.
Maybe he’d been vulnerable with Lottie because he was curious to know more about Dray and what her relationship with him had been like.
Whatever the case, he held Lottie’s gaze.
She didn’t flinch in holding his gaze back.
He shifted on the boulder and made room for her. Then he patted the spot.
She hesitated.
“I promise I’ll listen to you as well as you listened to me.” He meant the words. She had listened to him without prodding him to share too much, while at the same time being as honest and direct with him as usual.
Her beautiful eyes, framed by her long lashes, were unreadable in the darkness of the night. But he could feel her resistance slipping away before she released a long sigh and then lowered herself to the boulder beside him.
She was close enough that their shoulders almost brushed, but he was careful to keep that from happening.
Even though she’d followed him down to the creek, she hadn’t done it because she wanted to spy on him taking a bath.
Her surprise at his state of undress had been too genuine and her mortification almost humorous.
The moment he’d realized she was there, he’d hastened his bath, hardly doing more than rinsing himself off with the cold water. He’d gotten dressed even faster.
No, she wasn’t attracted to him in that way. Even when she’d put her hand on his arm a short while ago, she’d done so to be compassionate and not because she was trying to start something with him.
If anything, they were two lost and broken souls who were taking solace in sharing their burdens with each other.
Maybe it wouldn’t help either one of them feel better.
Maybe it wouldn’t change anything about their lives.
But at the very least, it had been freeing to let someone know the truth about all that had happened and why he’d left home.
Maybe if she shared with him, she’d feel freer too.
“So what do you want to know?” she asked.
“I told you why I ran away from home. Tell me why you ran away here to the ranch.”
“Who says I ran away?”
“You were uncomfortable being in town the other day. You couldn’t wait to leave.”
She huffed. “I’ve been judged by the people in Turnersville my whole life, and every time I show my face there, they still judge me.”
“Because of your father?”
“And because of the loose woman my mother was.” For a short while, she shared about how her father had made her mother his mistress in Corpus Christi, in spite of the fact that he had a wife and an infant child.
After Lottie had been born, he’d moved Lottie and her mother to Turnersville and provided a house and nursemaid.
But Lottie’s mother had already moved on with another man someplace else in Texas.
Having a loose woman as a mother and being the illegitimate child of Waverly Thorpe had been difficult to live with over the years. When she’d been given the ranch in Waverly’s will, she’d been more than ready to leave her past behind.
“Where does Dray fit into all of that?” Jameson was only growing more curious about Lottie the more she shared.
“Dray came to the ranch looking for work—or so he said.” She released an exasperated sigh.
“Part of me wonders if he came intentionally to prey on me. It seems too coincidental for someone like him to just happen to show up and need work and then proceed to charm me every day until I finally agree to marry him.”
Jameson’s gut hardened just thinking about the fellow. “Did he treat you right?”
She picked at a thread in her trousers. “We got along well enough at first.”
For a reason Jameson didn’t understand, he didn’t want to think about what had been involved in Dray’s charming of Lottie. Of course, it had probably involved the marriage bed. She did have two children from the marriage.
“He tried to get his name on the deed.”
“So he knew Waverly had given you the ranch, and he hoped to weasel it away from you?”
“Probably.”
“I’m glad he didn’t succeed.” Jameson sat up straighter and couldn’t keep the note of anger from his tone.
“His inability to get it made him mad at me for most of the last couple of years of our marriage. That’s when he started traveling more and would be gone for weeks at a time.”
“Did he say where he was going?”
“He gave me excuses like buying cattle, visiting family, looking for new ranch hands. But I never really knew, and by that point, I was too busy with the boys and the ranch to care.”
The fellow sounded worse with every new revelation.
“Every time he came home, he tried to make me feel guilty, told me I wasn’t a good wife or mother because I wouldn’t hand over managing the ranch to him.”
“I’ve watched you juggle the ranch and the children, and you’re doing great.”
“Don’t flatter me, Jameson—”
“I’m not.” He shifted to look at her more directly. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. It’s obvious you’re a good mother to those boys.”
“Thank you. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing in being out here and subjecting them to the danger.”
The situation had been very dangerous when he’d arrived. And based on what he’d learned from the boys, that wasn’t the first time their neighbor had come over. “I won’t lie. I don’t like the threats out here toward you and the boys either.”
“I don’t know what to do about it.”
“I’ll stay a little longer—”
“No, I won’t impose on you.”
“It’s not imposing.”
“You said a month, and I don’t want you staying longer because you feel sorry for me.”
“That’s not why.”
“Then why?” Her wide gaze lifted to his.
He didn’t want to notice again how stunning her features were, but even in the shadows of the night, it was hard not to see the slope of her cheek, the smoothness of her skin, and the pucker of her lips.
She had really nice lips. He’d tried not to pay attention to those lips over recent weeks, but tonight, in this moment, with her sitting so close, he couldn’t ignore them.
She couldn’t see him looking at her lips anyway, could she?
She tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth.
Heat cascaded through him in a deluge, along with the desire to kiss her.
Shoot, that was exactly what he didn’t want to feel. He couldn’t allow himself any desire for her that went beyond the simple companionship they’d shared while working together with the cattle and around the ranch.
He turned his attention to the stars overhead.
“So . . .?” she persisted. “Why would you consider staying longer if it’s not out of pity?”
“I’m not in a hurry. I can drift at my leisure.”
“That’s not really an answer.”
He should have known by now she wouldn’t be satisfied with half-true explanations, that she was real and unpretentious and expected the same in return. “It’s not pity, Lottie. But I am worried.”
She leaned back and peered up at the stars now too. “Well, don’t be worried. I had problems before you came, and I’ll have them long after you leave.”
That’s what he was afraid of. “But you didn’t have the problems with Vinnie and other ranchers when Dray was still alive?”
During his conversations with the boys, they’d indicated the conflict with the neighbor had started recently. But with how young they were, they might not remember the fighting in previous years.
“Don’t even say it.” Lottie’s tone turned feisty.
“Say what?”
“That I should get married in order to keep the peace.”
“Why not?” He hadn’t thought about that, but it was a good idea.
“I’m not planning to get married again.” Her declaration had a finality to it that told him she’d already made up her mind about the issue well before their conversation.
It had been a long time since he’d been so open and communicative with anyone.
Tonight, though, out here under the stars with Lottie, he felt like he could express himself in a way he hadn’t been able to do in a long time, maybe not even with Sue Ellen.
He felt bolder, more comfortable, more himself.
“You’re young, Lottie. Don’t you want the companionship again?”
“I’m fine with my boys and Mimmi.”
“The boys will grow up soon enough.”
She blew out an exasperated breath. “You can stop trying to convince me to get remarried, because I won’t do it.”
He wasn’t sure why he wanted her to consider it. But he did. “One more thing about it, then I’ll drop it.”
She didn’t protest.
“Not all men are like Dray. There are still good ones who won’t try to use you for what they can gain.”
She remained quiet.
He was silent a moment too. “Sorry, maybe that was too much.”
“I believe you,” she said softly. “Good men do exist. It’s just that . . . I don’t want to become like my mother, who has been married to or lived with a dozen men.”
He digested her revelation. It made sense that she was afraid of repeating her mother’s mistakes. “From what I can tell, you’re already nothing like her in any other way, so why would you be like her with men?”
“I was like her with Dray. I let my feelings dictate everything and didn’t think rationally.”
“Did you love him?” The question fell out before he could stop it. But once it was out, his curiosity took over.
“I thought I did.” She stood up abruptly.
This time he’d pushed her too far. He hated when people did that to him, so why was he doing this to her? “Forget I asked. It’s too personal—”
“It’s all right.” Her back was rigid. “I never had any good examples of what real love looks like, so I’m afraid I’m destined to repeat what I saw.”
“No one is permanently stuck going down the wrong path. We can each backtrack and get on the right trail.” Even as he spoke, the truth of what he’d said hit him in the chest. He may have stopped all his drinking and carousing, but was he still headed down the wrong path?
Her face was shadowed, but she didn’t seem upset by his words.
He exhaled a tense breath.
“It’s been good to talk with you, Jameson. If you ever drift back into the area, I’d hire you again without any hesitation.” With that, she started up the path to the house.
He watched her for a few seconds before heading back too, strangely disappointed that his time with her was coming to an end, both tonight and in the next week.