Chapter 18
Lottie paced the length of the yard. The lantern light from the open door of the house chased away some of the darkness and touched the eastern ridge in the direction Jameson had gone searching.
She prayed the gunshot she’d heard a short while ago meant he’d located the boys. She’d easily found Enrique and signed to him that Jameson had made the shot. Together, they’d ridden as fast as they could back to the ranch.
She’d been hoping to see Jameson there with the boys, but he hadn’t returned. Now, after the past fifteen minutes or so of waiting, she’d already signed to Enrique that she wanted to ride out and find Jameson. What if one of the boys was hurt? Or in danger?
But Enrique, sitting on the bench against the house, had cautioned her to wait a little longer.
The past couple of hours of searching had been torturous, not knowing where the boys were.
The fact that they were out there somewhere, alone and susceptible to all forms of danger, made her blood run cold.
She couldn’t imagine losing them. They were her life and were more important than the ranch or the cattle.
They were even more important than the need to prove herself capable and independent.
They were everything beautiful and good in her life, and her heart was aching more with every moment they were gone.
“Where are they?” she signed to Enrique again, unable to contain her impatience.
“Jameson has them,” he motioned back. “They’re safe now.”
She blew out a breath and tried to push back the panic that had been plaguing her since she’d realized they were gone. Enrique was right. Jameson would keep them safe now that he had found them.
It was easy to see how much Jameson cared about the boys. He involved them in everything he did, interacted tenderly with them, and showed genuine interest in what they said and did, no matter how insignificant. He would make a wonderful father. The boys had obviously recognized it and wanted that.
If they had such a deep need for a father, and Jameson was willing to step in and fill that role in their lives, then she would be selfish to prevent it because of her own past issues.
Besides, Jameson had claimed to care about her too, and he’d been honorable and kind and helpful the whole time he’d lived on the ranch.
There was also no denying that the physical attraction between them was delicious and all too tempting.
Even so, he wasn’t pressuring her into being physical, was actually trying to build a solid relationship first.
Enrique liked Jameson, and the old cowboy didn’t tolerate many people, so that was saying something.
Mimmi also seemed to like him. She always served him an extra helping at supper, probably because she appreciated how patient he was with the boys’ endless chatter and questions during the meals.
If Mimmi had noticed the attraction developing, she hadn’t discouraged Lottie the same way she had with Dray.
Should she accept the offer of marriage? That question had been rolling around her mind since they’d discussed it in the ranch yard. She’d just easily listed a dozen reasons why she should. But were there any reasons why she shouldn’t?
She wanted to find some fault with Jameson. Even though she knew no one was perfect, he was pretty close. The only thing she feared was that he would eventually get tired of living with her and the boys, like Dray had, and would start drifting again.
Could she live with that? If he decided not to stay and wanted his freedom, would she be able to let him go?
She supposed she would have no choice. It was the chance she had to take. She would have to put aside her reservations and fears for the sake of the boys. She was willing to sacrifice anything for them, even her desire to be different from her mother.
At movement near the ridge, she halted her pacing.
In the next instant, Jameson stepped out of the darkness, walking in front of Cougar and holding the lead line.
Sitting in the saddle were two little boys, Bo in front with Rascal on his lap, and Kace holding them both from behind. They appeared subdued but unharmed.
She stalked toward them, relief flooding her chest.
“They’re fine,” Jameson called.
Even with his reassurance, she didn’t stop until she was beside the horse, lifting Bo down. Only when both boys were wrapped in her arms did she allow herself to take a deep breath. She met Jameson’s gaze over their heads. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He nodded, and the faint light from the house revealed his expression full of affection as he took her and the boys in. He’d hugged her earlier when he’d noticed her struggling, comforting her and making sure she was okay. He hadn’t made it physical or sensual in any way.
When had Dray ever looked at them that way? Probably never. When had Dray shown any concern for how she was doing or how she felt? Maybe he had, but nothing came to mind.
The truth was, Jameson Noble was a fine man. Would any better man ever walk into her life?
She doubted it.
She pressed a kiss to each of the boys’ cheeks, then straightened and faced Jameson. “Yes.”
He met her gaze, one eyebrow quirking.
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
Surprise widened his eyes.
Holding on to her still, Kace peered up, excitement flitting across his face. “Really?”
“I take you, Jameson, to be my lawful husband right here, right now.” She wasn’t exactly sure the vows needed to have a common-law marriage, but they might as well make it official.
“Are you sure?” Jameson asked gently. “I don’t want you to feel pressured.”
“I’m sure. And I don’t feel pressured as long as you don’t.”
“No, of course not,” he started.
Kace interrupted. “Jameson told us that he wanted to marry you but that we had to be patient and wait for you to be ready.”
“I’m ready.” She hoped he could see the sincerity in her expression, even though it was getting dark.
He nodded. “Then I take you, Lottie, to be my lawful wife right here, right now.”
Kace grinned. “Does that mean you’re my new father?”
“I think so.” Jameson was watching her. “Do we need to say anything else to become man and wife?”
“If we agree on it, then I’m pretty sure we’re officially married.”
“I agree on it,” he said.
“I agree on it too.”
Kace jumped up and gave a cheer. Bo tried to cheer, but his ended in a yawn.
A slow smile turned up Jameson’s lips. It seemed like a happy smile.
Something warm spread through her heart.
She was glad she could make him happy. Maybe he’d been right about marriage being more about what one could give to the other person than what one could take.
Could she make that her goal in their marriage?
To make him happy without expecting anything in return?
“There’s one more thing.” She couldn’t keep her voice from dropping.
“What’s that?” He was taking in her face as if he couldn’t quite get enough of looking at her.
A thrill shimmied through her. “I know we said we would wait and give our relationship a chance to grow. But that doesn’t mean I have to refrain from this, does it?” Before he could answer her, she closed the gap between them, stood on her toes, and pressed her lips to his.
She expected a simple, short kiss, one containing her gratefulness for his kindness.
But the instant his lips pressed back into hers, it was like a revolver discharging with heat and smoke and power.
The kiss tore into her, shattering her resolve and awakening a powerful surge of desire so that she suddenly wanted to throw her arms around his neck, press against him, and go on kissing him without stopping.
But she couldn’t carry on with Jameson, not after they’d agreed to take their relationship slow. And certainly not with the boys standing there watching.
With a strength that came from deep within, she forced herself to break away from the kiss and step back from Jameson.
He ducked his head, but not before she caught sight of his smile. Another happy smile.
A smile of her own broke free.
Kace was watching their interaction, his eyes alight. “Does this mean you’re not mad at us?”
“I wish you had obeyed me, Kace.” She took hold of the boys’ hands and began walking with them back to the house with Rascal on their trail. “You put yourself in danger. And you put Bo’s life in danger.”
Kace’s delight fell away. “I’m sorry, Mother.”
“Me sorry,” Bo said as he stumbled to keep up, clearly tired after the ordeal.
“I’m glad to hear that you’re both sorry for disobeying and running off.”
“We were going after the reverend,” Kace offered. “So that you and Jameson could get married.”
She nearly stumbled, but she quickly caught herself. “I see.” Kace had mentioned something about the reverend earlier. She should have guessed that’s what he was doing. “Well, now you know going after the reverend wasn’t necessary. In fact, taking off like that was very reckless and irresponsible.”
“I know.” Kace’s steps were slow too. “Jameson—Father—said we have consequences for not obeying.”
She halted abruptly and glanced over her shoulder at Jameson, who was leading Cougar to the barn. He’d obviously already talked to the boys, and whatever he’d said had been helpful. Was it possible the boys would benefit from having a strong father in their lives?
Jameson glanced back at her, almost as if he sensed her gaze upon him. He paused as if making sure she was okay.
Her heart tumbled in a strange and new way. As he continued on, she could only watch him with a growing sense of affection.
Maybe their affection wouldn’t take long to develop. Maybe it was already there. Whatever the case, she wanted to do things differently with this marriage, wanted to take things slow as he’d requested, and wanted to be a better wife.
If she did so, hopefully he’d never leave her the way everyone else in her life had.
She ushered the boys in to Mimmi, who hugged them before scolding them fiercely. Then she sat them up at the table and fed them while they told her all about the marriage and shared their excitement over having a new father.
At the news, Mimmi raised a brow at Lottie. Then she told the boys Jameson would be a good new father. Lottie felt herself breathing a little easier at knowing Mimmi approved of the hasty marriage.
When the boys finished their supper, Lottie helped Mimmi wash them and put them to bed. They fell asleep right away, but Lottie sat by their pallets for a little while and watched them sleep, too shaken by the evening’s events to do anything but be grateful they were back.
Mimmi finally forced a bowl of stew into her hands and ushered her outside to the bench, where Jameson was sitting and eating with Enrique. The older cowboy finished up quickly and left the two of them alone.
“Thank you for finding the boys,” she said, setting aside her half-eaten bowl and dragging in a deep breath of the night air.
Jameson was wiping the bottom of his bowl with a piece of bread. “I don’t deserve the credit. Cougar was actually the one who led me to the boys.”
“Well, then I’ll have to be sure to thank Cougar with an extra treat this week.”
“He’ll like that.” Jameson stuffed the last bite of his meal into his mouth.
Behind them in the house, by the low lantern light, Mimmi was cleaning up the late supper, and Enrique had disappeared into the barn.
Suddenly it felt somewhat intimate to be sitting outside on the bench beside Jameson in the dark, even though they’d been out there plenty of other times. What had changed tonight? Was it because they were officially married?
It was hard to believe they were husband and wife. She just hoped that in the morning, she wouldn’t regret the rash decision tonight. She hadn’t made a mistake, had she?
The truth was that she really liked Jameson. She may as well admit it. And she had just kissed him again, which had only added kindling to the low fire burning inside her.
But that was the problem, wasn’t it? That she let herself get carried away with her feelings and no longer thought rationally. Was that what was happening with Jameson?
She sighed. “I shouldn’t have kissed you a little bit ago.”
“Like you said, I suppose it’s all right to kiss on occasion.”
“No, I have to refrain.” She fidgeted with the spoon in her stew.
He set his empty bowl aside. “Okay.” His voice didn’t hold even a trace of irritation, only kindness.
“You’re so accommodating. You could at least ask why.”
He was quiet a heartbeat. “Why?”
“It isn’t because I don’t like kissing you, because I do.”
“That’s good.” His voice dropped. “Because I like kissing you too.”
The fire inside her flared with sparks. She was suddenly all too aware of his strong, lean body only a few inches away.
His sleeves were rolled up, revealing the sinews in his arms. The material stretched tight against his biceps and shoulders.
She had the urge to run her hand over his arm, feeling every hard ridge before pulling his shirt over his head so that she could press her palms against his chest.
But no. She couldn’t think that way. She had to focus on their friendship. “Since we’ll be sharing the bed from now on—”
“We will?” He shifted his gaze to her, his eyes widening.
She paused. Had he expected to continue their separate sleeping arrangement? Maybe that was for the best. “What about the boys? After the conversation earlier today, do you think it will confuse them if you keep sleeping in the barn?”
His expression turned serious.
“I don’t want to cause any more issues with the boys.”
He was silent a moment more. “I agree. We don’t want them asking more questions and wondering what’s going on.”
“And we don’t need any more bull analogies.” She laughed softly.
His lips turned up in a small grin. “You’re right about that.”
“Although it was fun seeing you squirm.”
“Was it now?” He cocked his head at her, his grin quirking up even more.
“It made my day.”
“Reckon I’ll need to squirm more often, then.” He held her gaze with a warmth that suddenly made all her worries and cares seem insignificant, almost as if with him by her side, she could handle anything that came her way.
“Jameson Noble, has anyone ever told you what a wonderful man you are?”
He ducked his head. “It’s been a while.”
“Well, you are wonderful, and you should hear it every day.”
He stared at his hands braced on his knees. “Thank you, Lottie. I’m the luckiest guy alive that I get you as my wife.”
“Are we having a compliment competition again?” she teased him.
“After where the last one led, reckon we better hold off.” He slid a glance her way—one that was filled with heat.
“Okay.” The heat inside her shot up a few degrees. “Good idea.”
He didn’t say anything, but he reached over and took her hand in his. The feel of his fingers wrapping around hers was like a sweet and tender kiss, maybe even better. It conveyed how much he cared about her, about them, and even about their future.
It sent her heart tumbling head over heels. Was this love she was feeling? She wasn’t sure, but it was unlike any emotion she’d felt before.