Chapter 22
Lottie watched Dray ride away, her heart thudding in her chest with shock, anger, and panic.
“How dare he show up now?” Her whisper was harsh. “I’ll never let him have the boys.” Even as she made her declaration, a wave of helplessness crashed through her, making her suddenly weak.
She holstered her gun but could hardly get it in because her hand was trembling and her body wavering.
From beside her, Jameson slipped an arm around her back. “We won’t let him take the boys.” Jameson’s voice was solid and certain, lending her some calmness.
Dray disappeared over the ridge, leaving only dust in his wake. Where had he come from, and where was he going? His life had always been full of hidden things. He’d never been completely honest with her. Eventually, she hadn’t cared.
But today . . . at this moment . . . she needed to know the truth about everything. It might be the only way to protect herself and the boys.
“He doesn’t really want the boys,” she said, not sure who she was trying to convince—herself or Jameson.
“I agree.” Jameson holstered his revolver now too. “He’s waiting for you to offer him something in exchange for allowing you to keep the boys.”
“What should I do?” Uncharacteristic heat stung the backs of her eyes at the prospect of losing her sons.
“It’s a trap. If you give him something this time, what happens the next time he comes back and makes the same threat?”
She blinked hard. “He’ll take the boys first and then make me pay somehow to get them back.”
Jameson shook his head, his jaw flexing. “There has to be a way to keep him from doing that.”
“But what?”
“I don’t know yet. But we’ll figure something out.”
She wished she could be as optimistic as Jameson, but life hadn’t gone in her favor in the past. With Dray showing up today, it wasn’t exactly going in her favor now either.
She’d finally found a really good man, one who claimed to love her and one she was falling in love with too. He wanted to be with her and help her and was selfless and sacrificial—everything Dray was not.
And now Dray had somehow come back from the dead and was upending everything.
Jameson drew her in closer. “He must have lied about his death.”
She leaned her head against his arm. “It seems that way.”
“Why would he do that?”
“He obviously wanted me to think he was gone. Why?”
“Maybe he wanted you to get married again—and care about another man—so you’d be more likely to ask for a divorce when he shows up.”
“I do want to divorce him. But why fake his death—if that’s what he did—in order to get me to divorce him?”
Jameson was quiet for a moment, the sign he was thinking about her question. “I suppose if he had run away from you and committed adultery, a judge wouldn’t look on him as favorably. But if he almost died and claims you cheated on him while he was gone, then he looks better.”
“You’re probably right. If I look like the bad wife and he looks like the suffering husband, then the judge will give him the boys.”
Jameson nodded. “Once he has Kace and Bo, he’ll use them as pawns.”
The panic rose inside her again, and she shuddered.
Jameson rubbed her arm.
Through one of the side windows of the house, she could see the two boys peeking over the ledge of the window, watching her and Jameson, probably trying to obey and stay inside but wondering what was happening.
She had to remain strong for them. She couldn’t break down here, in the middle of the yard. She couldn’t let herself get carried away with her emotions, not even for Jameson. As much as she loved him, she had to think about her sons first.
“What if I refuse to divorce him?” She didn’t want to think about staying married to Dray.
Not when all he’d wanted was getting his hands on her fortune.
But he was still Kace and Bo’s father, and they deserved to know him and spend time with him.
After all, she hadn’t ever known or spent much time with Waverly, her own father, and she’d always regretted that and wished she could have had a better relationship with him.
Jameson pursed his lips.
“Isn’t divorce wrong?” She’d heard different interpretations of Holy Scripture’s position on divorce. Some people argued that divorce was acceptable under certain circumstances, like marital unfaithfulness. Others argued it was always wrong.
Her mother had been one of the rare ones to say that divorce was justified when two people decided it was time to end a marriage, regardless of the reason behind the divorce.
Lottie had always felt as though her mother had taken such a view to justify the many marriages and divorces she’d had over the years.
Whatever the case, Lottie had never wanted to get a divorce, had never thought she would. In fact, doing so would only cause more rumors and make her more of a social outcast than she already was.
The divorce would probably also be difficult for the boys. Already, the family history was tainted enough, but with the divorce, they would have to live with another blemish to their family reputation.
“In your case,” Jameson said slowly, obviously trying to give her a well-thought-out answer, “he’s abandoned you and the boys time and time again. It’s possible he even had affairs with other women during his absence.”
“I have no proof of that.”
“But if he lied about his death, he’s probably lied about other things.”
She could admit, she’d used to wonder if Dray was seeing other women when he was gone from the ranch. She’d asked him about it once, and he’d denied it and accused her of being a jealous wife.
For now, without any proof of infidelity, should she make an effort to work things out with him? Wasn’t that the right thing to do? Try to repair their marriage?
Lottie pulled away from Jameson and then took a step back. “I’m sorry, Jameson.”
He didn’t reach for her but instead watched her warily. “What are you sorry for?”
“That I can’t divorce Dray. At least, not yet.”
“Can’t or won’t?” he asked softly.
“Both.”
Shoulders slumping, he stuffed his hands into his pockets. He was such a kind man and didn’t deserve this rejection. He needed a much better woman than her—one who didn’t have quite as many problems.
“If I stay married to Dray,” she said, “he loses his power over me and the boys.”
“He may still try to take the boys away from you.”
“Not if I tell him he can live here again.”
Jameson’s brow rose, and hurt flashed through his eyes. “You’d take him back?”
“I’d make it clear that he can live here on the ranch but that’s all he’s getting from me—a marriage in name only for the sake of the boys.
” Just saying the words set out a future that was bleak and loveless and empty.
The irony was that she’d been happy without marriage and with a bleak and loveless and empty future before Jameson had arrived.
But now? Could she really give up Jameson and all she felt for him in order to keep her boys and protect her ranch from Dray?
An ache formed deep in her chest and swelled into her throat.
Jameson swallowed hard, as if he, too, was struggling against an ache in his throat. “I’d like to see if we can figure out a way to fight against him first.”
“I don’t think there’s much we can do.”
“I’ll move heaven and earth to find a way to be with you.” His whisper was hoarse with emotion.
With his golden-brown eyes pleading with her, she wanted to give in to him. Her heart was demanding it. But she couldn’t promise him anything. “Please try to understand, Jameson.”
His expression tightened and reflected his frustration.
She hated that she was causing Jameson pain. If only Dray had never shown up again. But he was back, and what choice did she have but to consider that maybe her marriage to him wasn’t over after all?
As if hearing her resolution, Jameson released a tight breath, then turned away from her and began walking to the barn.
Her entire body ached with the need to call him back, to tell him everything he wanted to hear, to reassure him that they would find a way to be together. But what if that wasn’t possible?