37
Nolan
P regnant. She was pregnant. The drive back had been silent as I reflected on the news. She wanted to keep it. I wanted that as well. I was going to be a father. That part made me happy. The prospect of kids and having kids was something I never gave full thought until tonight. Tonight, when she told me, was when I realized how I wanted to be a father. A different kind of father than the one my siblings and I had. A child to give love I never received. For the first time in my life, I understood what Ivy and Damien had gone through with Lake.
But then there was the mother. A conniving bitch who had tricked me into marrying her in place of her cousin. Her missing cousin, I might add. Not only was she a horrible person, she came with a lot of baggage. She was going to be a complication. The divorce proceedings would have to be put on hold. We were going to have to stay married for a while, at least until the child is older and I can find a better woman to be the mother of my children. But was she so hard to live with? I had grown up with a difficult and selfish mother and as long as I am around, I would have to make sure she was not selfish to my child. She was not so bad overall.
"'We are having this child together," I said when we entered the townhouse. I practically voiced my thoughts without thinking.
Aire froze. She had walked a few paces ahead and had to turn to face me. "I thought you wanted a divorce?" Even in the night, after fainting and a shock to her health, she looked beautiful. She had a glow about her that drew me to her like a moth to a flame. That's how my father had described my mother. He could not resist her charms, he told me. That's why even after divorce and having children with two other women, he still went back to her and had Ivy and Raine. Was I just like him? Wanting to be with someone who will never love me? I wasn't going to make the same mistake. I was coming into this with my eyes wide open .
"Not when it means our child will have to live in two different homes."
"Plenty of kids do and they turn out fine."
"Mine will not."
She straightened her neck, crossing her arms across her chest. "So what? You're not the one who decides what happens to my child."
"It's my child too."
"You don't know that."
I called her bluff. "You're many things Aire, but you're not a cheater. The only man you've slept with in the last four months is me."
She shifted her weight on her feet. A simple act that was cute when she did it. Even when I hated her, she still had the ability to make my blood rush. "How do you know? Did you have your people follow me?"
"Am I wrong?"
"Still. I don't want to be with you, so there's that. You got your deal anyway. What more do you want from me?"
"Not you. I just want my child. You can't deny a child their father and if you try, I will put my entire weight as a Hawthorne to make sure I get that child. Forget marriage. Forget joint custody. I will get full custody and make sure you never see the child ever again."
Her nostrils flared. Her voice shook as she spoke. "You wouldn't dare."
"Wanna bet. "
She stomped her feet. "Fuck!" Her eyes were glistening with tears. "Fuck you, Nolan Hawthorne!" And ran to her bedroom. I followed her there.
"We haven't finished talking!"
She ignored me as she disappeared into the closet. A few moments later, she came back out dragging what looked like an already packed suitcase.
"What's this?"
"I wanted to leave cordially, but since you want to make this difficult, I am doing it now."
"Were you planning on running away with my child?"
She blanched. Guilt written all over her face. "I would have told you I was leaving."
"But not that you are pregnant. You were going to leave with my child and without me knowing." I don't know why I was surprised. Someone like her would do something like that.
Her voice was low when she spoke, her head down. "I didn't think you'd care." Then she raised her head and her voice. "And if you did care, I was afraid you would react like this!"
"You mean like a normal human being?"
"Like a controlling freak!"
I was taken aback. She took the chance and dug in further.
"All you want is control! You don't care about the child! What they are going to be or who they're going to be. All you want is to be there! Be around them so they don't mess up! And when they do! God knows what you're going to do. Spread the same controlling disease your father gave to you! And you want me to stand for all of that? You don't care about me! The mother of your children! The woman who's going to give birth to your child. You see me as a vessel. A tool to carry the Nolan Hawthorne! I say fuck it! I don't want my child to be part of that. One messed up family is bad enough."
She had cut too close to the bone. Her observation was incredibly astute. I could not deny how true it was and yet, I wanted to push back. She had said something to me that no one has ever said. Revealed a fear I kept hidden for years. That I was just like my father. She had no right to be as astute as she was while being one of the worst people I've ever had sex with. And for that sexual encounter to be fruitful was punishment enough.
"Is that it? Are you done?"
"Yes. Now, can you step aside so I can leave?"
"Not with my child, you're not."
She rolled her eyes as if to say, 'see? point proven.'
If you were to say, leave in the middle of the night, where would you go? You were renting at your previous place; I gathered. Your grandfather is no longer living in the city, and your cousin is nowhere to be seen.
"I have some money. I'll stay at a hotel."
"The allowance I gave you, you mean. The cards that I can easily freeze with one phone call to the bank."
Her eyes bulged. "You wouldn't dare."
"Wanna try me?"
It was my turn to cross my arms. She shook her head, smiling. "Of course you'd do something like that."
I didn't like the person I was becoming, but if this was the only way to keep my child, then I would do whatever it took. "Exactly. And guess what, if you try to leave, I'll keep my promise."
"Asshole."
***
"Are we done?" I checked my watch. I had an appointment with the gynecologist to attend and I didn't want to waste anymore time in an inane meeting. Aire was five months pregnant now, and it was time for an ultrasound scan. I could barely contain my excitement. I had been looking forward to it ever since she told me about it.
Our relationship had reached what I liked to call cordial disdain. We hated each other in equal measure, but we had come to a compromise. Whatever we were going to do from the moment on was what was best for the baby. Nothing else matters. We could deliver and raise the baby together, but once the child was five years old, then we would talk again about divorce. It was a good compromise. It meant we didn't have to pretend to like one another, and we each didn't get in the other's way. I could do my thing and she could do hers. We hadn't spoken about seeing other people, but eventually one of us was going to find someone they liked and maybe we would have the conversation then.
I turned to the junior executives who had convened in my office. They all nodded that the meeting was over.
"Good," I said, rising and putting on my jacket. "Now get out of my office. I have somewhere I need to be." They all scurried out and by the time I was done switching off my monitor, grabbing my keys and phone, they were all gone.
The drive to the apartment was short, and Aire was waiting for me outside the building. The blue and white maternity dress she wore made her look motherly in a way that was a gut punch. Her baby bump was still small, but showing more and more every day. She had no right to look this good while pregnant.
As soon as I parked the car in front, she got in and sat in the front, her purse on top of the bump.
"Surprised that you're this early. Didn't you say you had a crucial meeting today? "
I did, but I rushed it because this was more important. "I work efficiently."
She nodded as though it was something she expected me to say. I wondered what other things about me that she saw in me that she thought were just Nolanisms. I was clearly an open book to her than I was to anyone else. There was something comforting in that, I guess.
We got to the doctor's office just in time for the appointment. I had to wait while she changed into hospital robes and then act as a simple observer as the doctor did the scan. As she was smearing the jelly on Aire's belly, I took Aire's hand in mine subconsciously. I might not like her, but she wanted this child as much as I did.
"Let's see what we have here," the woman said as she moved the scanner across Aire's belly. "Good. Good. Everything looks good. The baby looks healthy."
Aire and I had our eyes glued to the screen. I felt her squeeze my hand.
"Do you want to know the sex?"
We both nodded. Either of us afraid to speak.
"Good. good." She moved the scanner again and then pointed to the screen. "Look there. You guys are having a boy!"
Aire's filled with tears. Her hand squeezed mine even harder. "Wow," she said. "A boy."
I couldn't contain my joy enough to speak without crying. For some reason, it didn't feel real until I saw the heart beating. The baby kicking and moving inside Aire. I could not believe it. I was going to be a father.
After the scan was done, Aire went to change while I waited for the printing of the images. I couldn't wait to share them with the rest of the family. Ivy and Damien had teased me about me having a child and since they had theirs a couple of months ago, they were the most eager to know about my child.
A son. A boy.
Aire got out of the dressing room just as the images finished printing. She joined me for a talk with the OBGYN, who gave us some tips for the upcoming four months. Since it didn't seem like there was anything wrong and the baby was healthy, we didn't need to worry much. I held her hand the entire time that I didn't notice it until she swiped it away once we were leaving the premises.
"You don't have to do it all the time, you know," she said as we stood by the sidewalk.
"Do what?" I was confused as to what she was referring to.
"Hold my hand like we're lovers."
"Oh. Don't think—"
"Nolan!" Aire's eyes bulged with shock. She was looking at someone or something behind me. She said something like run, bun, or gun, but before I could fully parse her words, I heard the sound. It was a firecracker. Or was it a gunshot? Everything happened fast and slow, all at the same time. I turned around and saw a man in a hood and mask holding a gun pointed at me. At us. The finger on the trigger as Aire screamed. The gun fired. I was pushed to the side. By Aire? Aire. I tried to shield her, but it was she who was shielding me. Another shot and I was on the ground. The last sound I heard was of Aire. Was she okay?