Chapter 19 #3
I laugh. “That too. But as wonderful as they are, your dad didn’t tell you to figure out their legacy, their dream.
It’s yours. Maybe it would help to stop thinking about their opinions or striving for their approval and really think about what’s important to you.
Because I think that, more than anything, would be what they all want for you anyway. ”
Collin’s gaze shifts over my shoulder again, and I worry I’ve overstepped and gone too far.
Or maybe I’ve taken a swing and missed the nail completely.
I might just be projecting, as I related to his struggle more than he knows.
I don’t want to say that now, though, or I might seem like one of those people who makes everything about them.
I don’t think I’m doing that, but still.
“How did you do that?” Collin asks.
“Do what?”
“You stepped into my life less than a week ago, and I think you see me better than anyone else ever has, Molly-girl.”
Pleased isn’t a strong enough word for the warmth unfurling in my chest at his words. I can’t manage to locate words, so I simply lift a shoulder and offer him a smile. “Maybe I see you because I’m looking.”
“Ah,” he says, a teasing smile on his lips. “You like the way I look?”
I shoot him a dirty look. “That’s not what I meant.”
“But I’ll take the compliment all the same. Now, do you want to talk to me about what’s been bothering you?”
I should have expected this. And I shouldn’t mind telling Collin about all the things I’ve been keeping close. I know I can trust him. But I’m just not ready to talk about everything.
There will be a time—probably soon—where I tell him about my family and feeling unsure of what I want to do with my life. My fears about not having a plan or purpose or any real dream of my own. He’d understand. He would be encouraging.
But I don’t want to drag all that out tonight.
Instead, I give him a little piece of truth.
“I don’t know if I want to do social media anymore,” I confess.
“And I know that we just agreed to this whole thing so I could help you by posting things, and I guess I still will as long as you need me to. I don’t have to quit now but …
I think I want to stop creating content and posting anything about my life online.
I’m sorry if this messes up our agreement. ”
Collin is quiet for a long time, still not looking at me. His hand stays in mine, though, so I swallow hard and force myself not to keep talking, lest I blurt out anything else I regret.
After what feels like an extremely long moment, his gaze returns to mine. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness, and in the light coming from the half-moon and the flickering citronella candle, Collin’s expression shifts. Lifting a hand, he brushes back a strand of my hair.
“You don’t need to post for my sake,” he says.
“But your business—” I start, and he shakes his head, interrupting me.
“Will be fine. If you don’t want to do it, I don’t want you to.”
“But what about this?” I gesture between us. “What about the whole fake relationship and me helping you since you’re helping me? If I don’t keep posting—”
And that’s when Collin kisses me.
I don’t see it coming, or at least, not quickly enough for my brain to register him leaning closer until his lips brush mine once. Softly. Tenderly. Expertly.
He pulls back, searching my face, a question in his eyes. “Sorry for interrupting,” he says.
“Are you?” I whisper.
“No.”
This time, I slide my free hand into his hair and tug his mouth to mine.
His kiss is so very Collin. Strong and purposeful and sexy, but also somehow comforting and warm and safe. I can’t get enough as his lips move against mine, testing, teasing.
One second, he’s playful. The next—so intense I stop breathing and end up practically gasping for air when he shifts to press a line of kisses along my jaw.
Two of our hands are still gripping each other, but his other hand finds my waist, settling there with a firm weight that makes me feel as grounded as it does wanted.
I’m lost in the feel of his lips on mine until my brain decides to ruin things once again by wondering if this is real or just practice.
I pull back. Not too far back because I don’t really want to discourage more kissing but enough so I can speak.
“You kissed me,” I say, stating the obvious.
Collin smiles, and when he does, his lips brush mine. “And you kissed me back.”
“I did.”
“I’d kind of like to do it again,” he says, voice rough and husky.
“Me too. But are we just practicing? Or …” I trail off, not quite able to find the courage to suggest that this could be real. That I want it to be real.
Collin reaches up and strokes a fingertip across my cheek, then down the slope of my nose to my lips, tracing the top and bottom, finally coming to rest on my jaw.
“Can I be honest with you?”
Not sure even a yes or no would be able to make it past my lips right now, I nod.
His blue eyes lock on mine. “I don’t want to practice. I don’t want to pretend. Not about any of it. I don’t need you to post about us online. I’ll figure something else out with my gym. All I really want is to kiss you—for no reason other than because I like you, Molly. For real.”
“You do?” The question is a whisper, a hope, a wish.
“I do. A lot. You know, I think Jo was onto something when she just spoke her mind and said the truth plainly. Why is that so easy for kids and not for adults?”
“I don’t know.” I bite my lip. “Maybe because somewhere along the way we learned it’s safer to hide.”
Collin hums. “Again with the deep thoughts. You might be right. Whatever the reason, I don’t want to hide my feelings.
I don’t want to pretend I’m pretending. Because I don’t want to be your fake boyfriend.
I want to be your real one. What do you say, Molly—do you want to stop pretending and be my girlfriend? ”