Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Nolan felt like dog shit, and everything was terrible. Last night was a fever dream that was now lost in the ravages of his hangover, and he was lying in bed next to Lila.
He was on top of the covers, thank God.
But he was also in his underwear and awake with a morning erection standing up strong and proud, demanding attention it wasn’t going to get.
Lord have mercy on his soul, because Cody would have no mercy on his extremities if he ever knew about this.
Nolan got out of bed, and walked quickly into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut, leaning his head back against the closed door.
What all had happened last night?
Right. He’d gone out to get drunk, to get lucky. And instead, he had run into Lila, who had put on her best protective sister routine and gone straight for Darlene’s jugular, and then he had ended up challenging her to a drinking contest.
What would have happened if Lila hadn’t been there?
Would he have slept with Darlene? She had clearly been angling for it.
That might have been satisfying. Proof that no matter how much better than him Darlene thought she was, he could still make her want him.
Yeah, that’s what he should have done. Instead, he’d been completely distracted by her.
He cursed, then dragged his damp jeans and shirt back on. He walked out into the main part of the room, and Lila was sitting up, legs thrown over the bed, head in her hands.
“I feel like butt,” she groused.
“For good reason,” he said.
“Well, that was stupid,” she muttered.
“Oh, no argument from me. That was some dumb shit. What were you doing last night?”
“I went out to get laid.”
He felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. But, of course, that was a perfectly normal thing for Lila to want to do. He had no knowledge or involvement in her sex life, but if he had gone out to do that, it was fair enough she had.
He found he really just didn’t want to know about it.
“Well, your game needs work. You only spoke to me.”
“What were you doing out there?”
“Same thing. But you kind of cockblocked me.”
Her face got red. “I hope I didn’t cockblock you.” It sounded like she bit her tongue right after she said that word. “Because you should have more pride than that.”
“Lila, there is a certain amount of pride inherent in the knowledge that she still wants me.”
“Low bar.”
“Maybe. But you take what you can get. I’ve never minded it. Those women all think they’re better than me, but they’re ready to beg for my dick.”
“I don’t want to talk about your dick,” Lila said, her face now as red as an emergency flasher, and for some reason, he wanted to keep pushing it.
“Come on. Haven’t you ever wanted to fuck some guy that thinks he’s better than you?”
“You know, that’s not as hot for women, I think, because when a guy thinks he’s better than you, you’re probably not going to come.”
Her words shot straight through the arrow of his bravado, and made his teeth rattle. All right. Maybe he didn’t want to play this game. He sure as hell didn’t want to think about Lila coming.
He shifted, the seam on his jeans suddenly a little bit tight.
Last night, he had nearly lost his damned mind. When he pulled her around to face him in the bathroom...
If she hadn’t turned that cold water on him, he had been about to do something that they wouldn’t have been able to take back.
It was the alcohol. He had never, ever been like that with her other than when there was alcohol involved.
Sober in the cold light of day, he knew full well she was Lila.
And their relationship might be a tangled-up mess, but it was never going to be that. Not ever.
“Fair enough,” he said. “Next time, let me know though, because it seems like you could use a wingman. You were out there offending guys instead of picking them up.”
“I’d rather die, thank you.”
“Just saying.”
“I can get a date. The issue isn’t me, it’s you. Nobody’s ever going to come up to me as long as you’re there.”
“A guy did come up to you. You shot him down like you were Snoopy and he was the Red Baron.”
“Well, I’m not dating a guy I don’t find hot just because he’s there.”
You’re hot but you’re a pain in the ass…
Her words filtered back through his head and his stomach went tight.
“And you can try to blame me for all this,” Lila continued. “But you’re the one who stole my shot.”
He blinked. That was true. He had been about to go talk to some other woman, and then Lila... Then he’d seen Lila.
And he’d just redirected. Like there was nothing else in the whole world that was as important as she was. His phone buzzed on the nightstand, and he cursed, and then cursed again when he saw Cody’s name on the screen.
He picked it up. “Hello?”
“Hey. We had a little bit of a snafu with our scheduling for the day. There’s a bachelor party coming out to do a rafting trip, and we need at least two guides, better if we had three, but we only actually ended up with one on the schedule.
Can you fill in? I know it was supposed to be your day off. ”
At this point, he felt like he needed to say yes to whatever Cody asked him to do. Reparations for impure thoughts about his sister.
Also, he needed a distraction. And an excuse to get the fuck out of this room.
“Yeah. I can do that. I’m just... I’m in town. And I’m hungover as fuck. Just let me get it together.”
“There’s a few hours yet,” Cody said, sounding amused. “Hope you had a good night.”
He looked at Lila and scowled. “Not as good as you would think.” Then he hung the phone up.
“Was that Cody?”
“Yeah. He’s got something he needs me to do. I’m going to head back. See you later.”
He started to head toward the door, and then he stopped. This was Mustang River, and she was all sobered up, but he found he couldn’t just leave her.
“Hey. Why don’t you come on. We can go to Eat & Run, grab some coffee, and head back.”
He wanted a ceasefire. Mainly because he wanted to pretend that last night hadn’t happened. But he could see by the furious look on Lila’s face that he wasn’t going to get it.
“I’ll just make some coffee at home. See you later.”
“I guess,” he growled.
And then she was the one to walk out ahead of him, taking the stairs two at a time. He held the door open and watched as she shoved her hands in her pockets and carried on down the road toward her truck. He watched her unlock it, watched her get inside and get it started.
Then he pinched the bridge of his nose, and stood there for a long moment, waiting for the unease in his body to drain away.
Waiting for the memories of last night to fade into something a lot hazier. It was a mess.
He didn’t want her, though. He had just been drunk. Expecting to get sex from somewhere else, and something inside of him had gotten tangled up. That was it.
That was all it could be.
But in his brain, all he could see was a montage of things. Lila throwing rocks at a kid that had bullied them. Lila yelling at Darlene, then and now. Lila fighting everyone and everything, even him, elbowing her way through life with all this grit and determination and passion and fire.
And then, it was far too easy to remember doing shots with her on her birthday, taking her to his motel room, laying her on the bed, and letting that memory meld with last night.
There was a fierce, aching sensation down low in his stomach, and he had never felt anything like it before.
But he knew what it was.
It was a more intense version of something he had felt his entire life.
The unbearable pain of wanting what you could never have.
But that was all alcohol-induced bullshit. And he refused to let that linger.
He was going to go on a rafting trip today, and he was going to forget that the last two days had ever happened.
For his sanity, he had to.