Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Lila’s life with Nolan had such a routine now that everything just felt normal, happy.
She did her work on the ranch, she usually went home with Nolan, even though nobody realized it, and they spent the night together. Every so often he went to her place. Sometimes she threatened to get a cat, who she would inevitably cart between his place and hers.
He said that he didn’t want a cat in the house, and yet there was no conviction behind his tone, and she had a feeling if she did it, he wouldn’t do a single thing to stop it.
His visit with his family was coming up, and she felt like she was getting nervous by extension for him. But also, she knew that it was going to be good for him.
It was the right thing. Just like meeting with Christy had been the right thing. Lila liked Christy.
She had stayed in regular contact with Nolan ever since she had come to visit, and Nolan had told Lila that she’d pegged that they were more than friends.
She had liked that characterization too. More than friends. Obviously it’s what most people would say about two people who had sex with each other, but Lila thought it spoke to something just a little bit deeper.
And she held that close.
She was so entrenched in her routine that when Marlowe suggested that she, Addison, Cara and Lila all go into town to do some shopping and grab some lunch, Lila’s first instinct was to say no.
She wanted to finish her work so that she had time to hang out with Nolan.
She wanted to get back to that. Because she was obsessed with it.
And also, hanging out with them when there was such a big thing going on inside of her, a big thing that she couldn’t even talk about, that felt weird.
It wasn’t like she was someone who had routinely had women to talk to about these things, but still.
They were real friends to her, and lying to them on that level felt kind of miserable. That was why she ultimately said yes. It was why she ultimately couldn’t justify making an excuse to avoid them. Because if she stooped to avoiding them on top of everything else, that would be vastly uncool.
She had these women in her life, she didn’t want to do anything to mess that up.
Which was how she found herself in town with the female crew of the Painted Ridge Resort, getting dragged from boutique to boutique.
“I need this election to be over so that Walker and I can get married,” Addison said. “I want to start building up a trousseau for him.”
“Did you get rid of all the lingerie that you got for the wedding that didn’t happen?” Marlowe asked.
“No. I didn’t. I kept it, because I’m not one to get rid of nice underwear, however, for a honeymoon, Walker deserves lingerie that was only ever intended for him.”
“Agreed,” Marlowe said firmly.
Lila looked at the lingerie with a little bit of longing.
Imagining surprising Nolan with something like that... Well, it would blow his mind. Her underwear was practical at best. And he always seemed pleased enough...
She touched a bodysuit that was shocking. A web of lace and straps that she wasn’t even sure would fit on her body, wasn’t sure if it would emphasize good things or bad things.
Of course, Nolan didn’t seem to think there was anything bad about her body at all.
“That’s pretty,” Addison said, looking at the same bodysuit that Lila was.
“It is,” she said softly.
“Oh, I’m going to spend all my money,” Addison said, grabbing a different bodysuit off of a hanger, and then moving on to another section.
Lila lingered.
Cara moved behind Lila. “If you like it, you should get it. Or at least try it on.”
“I don’t–” She was about to say she didn’t have anyone to wear it for, or any reason to buy it.
And then suddenly, she realized. All she needed to do was tell a little white lie.
People could know that she was sleeping with somebody, they just didn’t need to know who it was.
And Jason wasn’t a real person to any of them, he was just a wax figure, a stand-in.
“Yes. I do,” Lila said, grabbing it off the rack.
“You do?” Cara asked, her eyebrows shooting upward.
Marlowe edged toward them. “Did your date go well?”
“Yeah,” Lila said. “And I’m seeing him again, and... We’ve seen each other a few times, so it seems like maybe it’s a good time to bring this out.”
“You didn’t mention any of that to me,” Marlowe said, sounding betrayed.
Lila felt so so guilty right then.
“Well, it’s not anything,” Lila said, holding the bodysuit to her chest. “I mean, it’s just sex. So it’s not... really worth reporting on.”
“Lies,” Marlowe said. “Sex is always worth reporting on.”
“No offense,” Lila said, looking at both Marlowe and Addison. “I would rather not get a full report on the sex that you both have, considering it is with my brothers.”
“Fair enough,” Marlowe said. “But come on now, you don’t want to think that one of your brothers is bad in bed.”
“I know that neither of them can be bad in bed or the two of you would have gotten rid of them expeditiously. Because that’s who you are.”
Addison beamed, and Marlowe looked very pleased. “That is true,” she said. “Thank you for knowing that we are women of good taste. But also, fair, I still want to know.”
“Am I allowed to share details?” Cara asked.
“Yes,” Lila said. “You are.”
“Good,” Marlowe said. “Is it good?”
She seemed genuinely concerned about that and Lila was touched. That her future sister-in-law cared that much about her having good sex was honestly sweet. But answering this question felt tricky.
Was it good?
She wasn’t picturing Jason. Instead, she was picturing the person she was actually having sex with. She felt a dreamy smile float across her face. Good? Good undersold it.
“Damn,” Addison said.
“It’s just... He’s so... and... He’s very hot.”
“Yeah, he was pretty cute,” Marlowe said.
That made Lila want to rage even though she knew exactly what Marlowe was talking about. Because, yeah, Jason was pretty cute. But Nolan was sexy. Muscular and glorious and perfect. He was so much more than cute. He was everything.
“It’s multi-orgasmic,” she said. “So that’s... that’s how good that is.”
“Maybe you should buy more than one of those,” Addison said.
Lila thought that wasn’t a bad idea. She didn’t need more than one bodysuit, but she bought a nightgown that was made of whisper-thin fabric, and some underwear that was a lot sexier than what she normally wore, along with some matching bras.
Even a push-up bra, which on her was not doing a whole lot, but it was doing enough.
She didn’t spend money all that often, and typically, her wardrobe was practical at best.
The spending kept on going, because when they went to another boutique, she ended up buying a dress. One that was totally different than the kind she would normally wear, tight and velvet, sleeveless with a high neck, and a short hemline.
But she looked good in it. Great, if she said so herself. And she wanted to do something to impress Nolan, not that he made her feel like she had to do that. She bought a flirty skirt, and a couple of crop tops, a pair of jeans that was a little trendier, and a little less cowgirl.
When they sat down at lunch, she had the largest volume of bags, and that was deeply unlike her.
“Wow,” Addison said. “So... this is really just sex? Because you seem like you’re... I don’t know, glowing, giddy.”
“Yeah, it’s just sex. I mean, I don’t have any expectations of it.”
But her stomach twisted, hard.
She didn’t know what she would do if she and Nolan were ever expected to go back to what they had been before. Well, she would never be able to go back to that. Where she had been mean and feisty just to cover up what she felt for him.
Her understanding of who he was was too deep now. Everything that they had experienced together was too profound to ever go back to what it had been before.
“But we haven’t, like, made any promises to each other or anything like that,” she said.
“Lila, I hope everything works out the way that you want it to,” Marlowe said.
She nodded, and swallowed hard.
Then they finished up lunch, and Addison and Marlowe decided to make a pit stop at a jewelry store, while Lila and Cara drifted off toward another boutique.
Cara looked at Lila intently as they stood there browsing the racks.
“It’s not some guy named Jason, is it?”
Lila froze. “What?”
“You’re not sleeping with some rando. I know you’re not. It’s... You and Nolan, isn’t it?”
A chill raced down Lila’s spine. “I... how did you—”
“I’ve been watching you guys together for months.
There’s a ton of chemistry there. It’s obvious that you don’t hate him.
And lately... It’s not even that. Lately, you guys are just nice to each other.
Lately, it seems like you’re both extra attentive to each other, I guess.
I know you just did that big project together...
So maybe I’m wrong. But it just seems like maybe that’s what’s up. ”
“Please don’t tell anybody,” Lila said. “I can’t put Addison and Marlowe in that position, because they’re both with my brothers so they would have to tell them, and I can’t have my brothers finding out about this, especially for Nolan’s sake.”
“Sure. I get it. I’m not going to tell anybody. Well, nobody but Zane. But Zane won’t tell anybody. Zane is a secret keeper from way back. And he loves Cody, sure, but I think he’ll understand that Nolan is entitled to keep all of his body parts intact.”
“That’s the thing,” Lila said. “It wouldn’t even be fair. I wanted to do this. I’ve wanted it for... For longer than I can remember. And they would be mad at him. They’d be mad at him because he’s older, and because they still think I’m a lot younger than I am.”
“Hey, I’m your audience. I too was one hundred percent seduced by an older man with a great body and limited emotional capacity.”
“All right. Fair. But I was not seduced, I did half the seducing, and he has emotional capacity. It’s just that it’s tied up in other things right now. I can’t really talk about it. It’s his stuff. But... Just trust me.”
“I trust you,” Cara said. “I also know that sometimes stuff like this explodes and people get hurt. But I’m younger than you, I don’t think I know any better. And I know how protective Marlowe was of me, and it isn’t really fair. Like, we get to make mistakes too.”
“Yeah. If it’s a mistake, I can’t say that I’ll ever regret making it. I think it’s something I needed to do.”
“I don’t think I could ever regret it. I needed to do this.
I needed... I’ve always wanted him to know,” Cara said.
“I just mean, as somebody who came in completely from the outside, who, like I said, shares your taste, I could see that. And I don’t mean to make you feel weird about it or anything, that’s not why I’m saying something. I just—”
“It’s not that obvious, is it?”
“I don’t think it is to anybody else. Like I said, I was just paying attention.
I think everybody else is a little bit too married to the ideas that they have about you guys.
Obviously, Marlowe gets her information from Cody, Addison has known you guys for a long time, at least by reputation, and Walker’s opinions will inform hers.
Zane and I are kind of on the outs. Not really, but I just mean we have a different perspective. ”
“And have you talked about this with Zane?”
She laughed. “Oh yeah, I talk his ear off about all the things I think are going on at the ranch. Though, interestingly, he agreed with me about this. He told me he noticed how Nolan looks at you.”
Her face got hot, and she twisted her hands in front of her. The way Nolan looked at her? She wanted to know exactly what way that was. In detail. But of course Zane was the one who’d seen it, so she would probably never get to know what that meant.
“Thanks. I just... It actually feels good, knowing that you know. Because pretending that I’m getting multiple orgasms from Jason actually feels wrong.”
Cara laughed. “Well, I never saw him, but I’ll take your word for it.”
It felt good, actually, to have somebody that she could confide in. Somebody that she considered a friend that she could talk to about this.
And she felt a little bit bad about lying to Marlowe and Addison, but it really was for the protection of everybody involved.
At least she had someone she could talk to.
It wasn’t like sex itself had transformed her into a different person. She thought it was maybe the honesty. Being honest with Nolan finally about what she felt, about what she wanted. And then, even being able to be honest with Cara.
Like for the first time, she wasn’t hiding so many things deep down in the darkest well. Where she kept so many secrets.
She hadn’t realized how much that was keeping her from really connecting. From making deep friendships, from deepening all her relationships.
And this couldn’t go on forever, not like this, because if it did, then it meant lying to Cody and Walker for the rest of her life.
So something would have to give. Either she and Nolan would have to tell everybody, or it would stop.
Right now, both options felt terrifying.