Chapter 22 #3
“Horrified, but with follow-up questions, perhaps.”
“But you’re not mad at me?” Nolan asked.
“Lila could kick your ass here, there, and every which way if she wanted to,” Cody said.
“And you’re one of the best fucking guys I know, so if you’re sleeping with her, I know she wants to sleep with you.
What I’m unclear on is why I am being told this information.
Because I have to say, being looped in to my younger sister’s sex life is kind of like being taken down to hell, actually, and I’d like to skip that. ”
“I’m in love with her,” Nolan said.
That was the very first time he’d said those words.
“You’re in love with her,” Cody said.
“Yeah. I’m in love with her.”
“Well... Does she know?”
“No. I figured I had to tell you first.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re both my best friends. You’re my family,” he said. “I thought you would be mad at me. I thought... This whole time, I thought that you might disown me or something.”
“Why would we disown you? You’re our best friend. And why would you be our friend if we didn’t think you were good enough for our sister?”
It was a good question.
“I’m older than her.”
“Not that much,” Walker said.
“I have more experience.”
“See, that part is none of my business,” Cody said.
“I’m fucked up.”
“We’re all fucked up,” Cody said. “But the good thing is, you understand her. Just the way that she is. You know exactly where she comes from, and why she might struggle with certain things. I actually can’t think of anybody that I would be happier to know was in love with Lila.”
He didn’t even know what to do with that.
He’d been paralyzed by the possibility of all this rejection for so long, and, yeah, he’d had a little bit.
His mom didn’t want anything to do with him.
There was nothing he could do about that.
But so many people did. And it wasn’t because he had made money, wasn’t because he had earned any sort of status in his life.
It just was. And that was the kind of magic he had never imagined he might get.
He had been home all along.
He’d had family all along. And it had only ever been conditional inside of him.
And now he just... He had everything. They’d all found it, love and healing and all that shit, and he and Lila had been the last two. And now it was there. Just for them.
“Well, hell. I better go tell her,” he said.
“Yeah. You better. And then after that, we’ll have a talk about you making an honest woman out of her, Nolan. You’re definitely going to have a hard limit on how long we’ll let you live in sin with our baby sister.”
But they both smiled.
“Well, go tell her,” Cody said. “Then she’ll tell Marlowe and Addison, and we’ll actually get some details.”
But he was already headed back to the truck, driving straight back to the house.
Lila was there waiting for him. In his bed.
And he wanted her to know he wanted her there for the rest of his life.
It was weird that Nolan wasn’t there when she woke up, but she slipped his shirt on and went downstairs to make coffee. And just as she was about to pour herself a cup, he came bursting through the door.
Her eyes went wide.
“What’s going on with you? You look like you’re getting chased by a wild cat.”
“Nope. Not being chased. I just... I went and told Cody and Walker everything.”
She blinked rapidly, and nearly dropped her mug, only managing to set it down before her shaking hands would have made it impossible for her to hold on to it.
“You what?”
“I just knew that I had to. I knew that I had to put it out there, that I had to take the risk. And they’re fine with it.”
“Excuse me, you went and told my brothers that you’re having sex with me.”
“Yes. But I did more than that.”
“Well, you might as well let me know. Always fun to be the final person to be let in on whatever.”
“I love you.”
Her heart slammed hard against her breastbone.
“What?”
“I had to talk to them, because I realized that I love you. This isn’t going to be temporary.
This is forever. And I was afraid, Lila, because I’ve never seen family work out.
I’ve never seen love work out. Except I fucking have.
With you. With your family. With Walker and Cody, not just with them and Addison and Marlowe, but the way that you all are with me.
I was acting like all that good couldn’t possibly be enough to take away the bad, but it is.
It is if I decide that it is. And I just had to quit being a coward.
I love you, and I have loved you for a long time. ”
He took a step toward her, cupped her face and leaned in to kiss her.
“You’re my person. You’re the one that I’ve shared all this stuff with.
You’re the only one that’s ever seen me vulnerable.
You’re the only one I’ve ever felt... safe with.
But you can also yell at me, dig your claws in me, kiss me, fuck me.
You are everything to me, Lila Grayson. No one else has ever even come close. ”
She stood there, stunned.
“But... Don’t we need to have a dramatic breakup? Don’t we need to... work harder for this? Bleed for it? It can’t possibly be this easy.”
“We did all the bleeding. Our whole fucking life was hard. And look at us now. We have this. We have each other. Walker and Cody aren’t going to stand in the way. Of course, if you don’t love me, that might be a little bit of a problem.”
“Idiot,” she said. “Of course I love you. I’ve loved you since before I knew what that meant.
I’ve loved you since I couldn’t figure out why you taking your shirt off made me feel hot and anxious and angry.
I’ve loved you from the beginning. And I don’t think that any of the things that happened to us were meant to be, but I think that we were.
I think no matter what, we would have found each other.
Because there’s not another person for me, Nolan Wright. It’s you. Only you.”
“Now that’s just how I feel,” he said. “And it’s just the truth.”
Lila Grayson had never spent much time in church, but she had heard once that love was the greatest of all the commandments. And she had thought that was sort of funny. Because why would love have to be a commandment? And then she’d done some living. Realized that love was often hard.
But this didn’t feel hard.
It was everything around it, the betrayals they’d had, the fear they’d felt, the pain they’d experienced, that was the thing that made it feel like love was too hard. Like it was too big a risk.
But love was the gift at the center of all of it.
Love was the greatest.
And standing there, looking at Nolan, she finally understood what that meant.
* * *