Tanner
“Are you actually going to file that piece of paper,” Sorren asks, his tone pointed, causing me to jump, “or are you hoping it just flies into the folder all by itself?”
“Very funny,” I manage, my cheeks heating as I shove the paper into the correct spot and push the filing cabinet drawer closed.
“I thought so.” His lips twitch the slightest bit, amusement in his gaze. “The wall looks great.”
“Since when did you become such a busybody?”
“You’d think I’d be offended by that”—he smirks—“but I’m not. Miss Thelma will be so proud.”
He’s probably right because Miss Thelma knows everything about everything and everyone and she’s impossible to miss. She has a cat, Louise, and almost every item of clothing she owns either has Louise’s face or a cat that looks like Louise on it.
Meeting her for the first time was certainly an experience.
“Yes, the wall looks great.”
“Did you—”
“Hey!” Fallon says brightly, a smile stretching across her face as she rushes into the lobby of Vetted Paws and waves. “Hey Sorren.”
“Fallon.” He smiles, giving her a side hug and then releasing her as she turns back toward me.
“Are you free tonight? Briggs said he wants to see you. I think his sister is driving him a little bananas.”
“Oh, umm…yeah, I mean…sure.”
Fallon narrows her eyes at me, pieces of her strawberry blonde hair falling loose from her ponytail before she points a finger at me. “What is it?” Fallon and I may be long since divorced but that doesn’t mean she’s forgotten all my tells.
Shit.
“I, uh…”
“He either had a date or has one,” Sorren replies helpfully.
“What? Really?!” She squeals, looking between the both of us for confirmation. “That’s great!” Her enthusiasm is so genuine it almost outweighs the guilt creeping in over disappointing Briggs. “Don’t make that face.”
“I’m not making a face.”
“Yes, you are. That’s your I can’t put myself before anyone else face.”
“Huh,” Sorren says, crossing his arms over his chest and tilting his head to the side. “You’re right; that’s definitely the face.”
“That is not the face. There’s no face. My face is fine.”
“Defensive,” Sorren teases and I’m tempted to throw something at him. But I don’t because I’m an adult.
Or whatever.
And we don’t need another hole in the wall.
“So did you go on a date or is the date upcoming?”
“It’s tonight.”
“Yes!” Fallon squeals, doing a little dance that seems completely unnecessary. “Why didn’t you just say that?”
“Because I have a kid and responsibilities and—”
“And a family that supports you so you don’t have to do the parenting thing all by yourself,” she says pointedly before gentling her tone. “This is important, Tanner. We want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” I protest but instead of dropping it, Fallon’s expression turns sad.
“Are you? Are you really? I worry about you being all alone in your house when Briggs is with me.”
“I’m fine,” I tell her, aware that no one in the room, including me, believes that.
“We’ll take Briggs. Instead of his sister annoying him he can chase his cousins around,” Sorren offers and Fallon smiles.
“I’ll ask him but I’ll bet it’s a yes.” Turning back to me, she says, “I want to know how it goes.”
“Do I have to?” I whine, my eyebrows shooting up my forehead when they both answer yes in unison.
“It’s going to be great,” Fallon encourages, and I hope she’s right because I want it to be great. I want that more than almost anything.
I have the beginning of a headache by the time I leave work. My head is spinning from everything today. I hate the pressure I now feel on top of what I already put on myself.
If tonight goes poorly, will Fallon be disappointed?
Will she keep worrying?
That thought has me swallowing down my discomfort as I raise my fist and knock on the door in front of me. I need a pep talk, and more than that, I need some reassurance.
“Hey,” Cal says when the door swings open. He’s still dressed in his clothes from his job as an art teacher at the elementary school, but his feet are bare and I can hear his boyfriend banging around in the kitchen behind him. “Is everything all right?”
“Can I come in?”
“Of course,” he says, moving back so I can walk into the house.
“Hey, Tanner,” Blake says, waving with his free hand as the other stirs something in a skillet on the stove.
“What’s up?” Cal asks, leading me to the island and offering me a beer.
I shake my head as both men stare at me. “I have a date.”
“That’s great. Is it Deacon?” Cal asks, as Blake continues poking at things with the spatula.
“Yeah, and I guess…” Swallowing hard, I turn my attention to Blake. “I wanted to ask you something?”
It comes out as a question as Blake turns the heat down and puts the spatula on the spoon rest.
“Sure.”
“How did you… I mean I’ve never—” Blowing out a breath, I force the words to leave my mouth despite wanting to crawl out of my skin at the admission. “The last person I had any kind of intimate contact with was Fallon.”
I stare at Blake, pleading with my eyes that he’ll understand what I’m trying to convey.
“Oh, huh,” he says, rolling his lips inward before rubbing his palm over his jaw. “You’re asking how it is being with a man after only being with women.” Blessedly the question is rhetorical.
“It’s awesome,” Cal mutters.
Blake smirks before returning his focus to me. “I was restless and I kind of used that time to explore what I wanted. I was honest with partners about my experience, and more often than not, they were fine with that. I didn’t put any pressure on myself or them. If it didn’t work, we parted ways.”
Sighing, I deflate, unsure what I actually wanted to get out of this conversation. Maybe I wanted validation or even just the acknowledgment that he felt the way I am at one point too.
“Is he pressuring you?” Cal asks, his tone hard and his expression serious.
“No, of course not. I’m just overthinking every possible scenario to death and psyching myself out, especially when it comes to asking for things I think I want,” I lament and Blake nods.
“All right, how about this. If you’re feeling like you want to try something, there’s a good chance he’ll be down for it too.”
I watch as Blake’s gaze slides to Cal who blushes furiously and looks anywhere but at his boyfriend. The bit of levity has my lips twitching upwards.
Clearing his throat, Cal adds, “Think about what you like and do that to him. Pay attention to how he reacts and then go from there.”
I nod, taking it all in and letting it marinate. It makes sense, and if I’m being honest, I knew or could guess at all this before I got here. So why did I come?
“I don’t want to overstep,” Blake muses cautiously, “but you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Discovering your true self is a beautiful thing, and if the person you’re with can’t appreciate that, they’re not the one for you.”
“Swoon,” Cal says dreamily, and I snort out a laugh as Blake just shakes his head.
“Thanks, guys.”