1. Drew
I’m a wolf in sheep”s clothing. My skin itches, and my stomach tightens like a fist. This is my home, these are my friends, and this is my legacy, yet this blip of a thought tells me I don’t belong here. It’s not a lie. I could be doing so many other things right now, like begging Bel to speak to me, to forgive me. I’ve tried sending text messages and showing up at the mansion. I tried breaking in, but Sebastian’s stupid security removed me from the premises. Like I haven’t been inside that house and a fucking friend of his the majority of my life. Sebastian has practically banned me from seeing her.
Scanning the room, I dart my eyes from person to person. Every single one of the new Mill recruits is pathetic as fuck. A copy-and-paste overlay of every frat boy across this country. I lay across the large wooden throne carved by my great-grandfather, one leg hanging over the arm. Each fucker has five shots in front of them, and they have barely managed to hold them down.
I sweep my leg off the arm of the chair and let my boot hit the ground with a thud. ”I”m not even fucking asking you for anything hard. Take five shots and run the five hundred meters across the lawn and back. That”s easy compared to what some of the fraternities dish out.”
There”s a chorus of mutters and moans, and I shove the nearest freshman with my boot against his shoulder. ”You, asshole, take your shots and set a good example.” I nod toward Sebastian across the room on the oversized velvet armchair looking bored. ”Do you want your sponsor to regret bringing you in? Do you want to chase a hare in The Hunt next year? Then get your shit together!” I scream the last bit in his face, and he leans down over his shots, covering his naked skin to protect it like my boot might slip off his shoulder down to his less protected bits.
”Fucking weak,” I mutter and stand to go to the bar. I snatch a bottle of bourbon from the top shelf, pop the cork, and take a long drag. The burn of it feels so good while it courses through my cold chest. I keep my gaze on Sebastian as I swallow, thinking about how to approach him without starting another fight.
Lee saunters over, his own bottle of booze in hand. ”Is it just me, or are these assholes worse than last year’s assholes?”
I snort. ”I was just thinking the same thing. Five shots is nothing. That run is nothing.”
I raise my voice so the recruits can hear me. ”And if these assholes don”t get moving soon, I”m going to start adding more shots and wood trails to what needs to get done tonight.”
One of the assholes stumbles to his feet, and Lee gives him an appraising look. ”You ready, asshole?”
He nods. ”Yes, sir.”
Lee gives him a saucy wink. ”Show me the proof of your daily task, and it better fucking be interesting.”
The recruit digs through his clothes on the floor for his phone, opens it, and shoves it at Lee. I lean over his shoulder and look down at the pictures. They each had to fuck five different people today and get proof to be admitted to the initiation.
Lee nods as he scrolls through the photos. ”At least you”ve been thorough, asshole. Your shots are done. Let”s go start your run.”
Lee signals to Aries, who is monitoring the recruits on the floor still drinking. Seb stands and precedes Lee out the door. The recruit follows them, and I come up behind. A brisk wind howls outside, and the recruit immediately starts shivering as I clutch my fleece tighter around my shoulders and shove my hands into the pockets.
”Get on with it, fuckface. I don”t want to get frostbite waiting for you.”
Now that football season is over, we start the initiation process for the new recruits. Those who will take over in the coming years as Lee, Seb, and I graduate. It’s slim pickings at this point, but someone’s bound to have the balls to take over.
I stop next to Sebastian on the starting line, but like I anticipated, he doesn”t even spare me a glance. Not until I snatch the bottle of top-shelf vodka from his grasp. Physically, he’s here, but mentally, I know he’s off in some faraway land, probably plotting my demise.
His eyes shoot to mine and narrow. ”Fuck off,” he says, low and menacing.
It”s not even in the same tone he used to tell me to fuck off in. This tone promises a fight if I push him. And if I’m being honest, I”ve had just enough alcohol to fucking push him.
In fact, a fight is exactly what I need, because anything would be better than this painful reminder of what I did to Bel, of how I hurt her.
”Where is she?” I question confidently. There’s no point in beating around the push. He knows that I want her, that I’m dying to see even a glimpse of her sunshine blond hair.
He snatches the vodka back, holding it in one hand, his other shoved into his black dress pants. As always, he”s dressed like he”s about to hit the stock market floor. If I had to guess, I’d say Sebastian really wants to punch me in the face, and maybe that’s why he has his hand buried deep in his pocket. To stop himself from giving in to the impulse.
”Perhaps you’re deaf. I said fuck. Off.”
I step closer, my breath fogging the night air. ”Not deaf, buddy, just not listening to your bullshit. She hasn”t returned to school for nearly a month. Her academics are important to her. When is she coming back?”
There”s a crash as one of the recruits stumbles out of the house naked, racing toward the starting line. He zooms right past us. Finally, someone who is just as ready to get out of here as I am.
I focus my attention back on Seb. ”Anyway, as we were discussing, you were just about to tell me when Bel planned to return to school?”
His green eyes narrow to slits. ”First, why the fuck would I ever tell you? Second, why do you care so much? If my memory stands correct, you made it painfully clear that she is nothing to you. What, now that she”s not trailer trash, you think you can have her back? She’s not a fucking toy that you can pass around to your friends.”
A hot wash of rage whips through me. ”We both know I didn’t mean anything I said that day. All I was doing was protecting her from my father. You know how he is, and he”s got it in his head to make her pay for sullying our name. I wasn’t trying to hurt her. I’m aware that I did, but that wasn’t my objective.”
I can see the tightening of his jaw, the way the muscle jumps in the dim moonlight. He doesn’t respond and instead takes a swig of the liquor.
”Hm...joke’s on him. She”s fucking higher class than he is now. Karma is a real bitch, isn”t she? Was this your daddy’s and your plan? He tell you to kiss and make up, so you can marry Bel instead? Everyone knows he lives off your mom”s inheritance, and that he had nothing when he started out.”
I clench my hands into tight fists. ”I”m not talking about him right now. I want to know when Bel will be back at school.”
”That’s Ms. Arturo to you, dickhead.”
I let out a slow breath so I don”t punch him in the fucking jaw. He’s on my last fucking nerve, and I really don’t want to destroy his face. ”No, she”s my wallflower, and you fucking know it. I”m not going anywhere, and I’m not giving her up.”
He smirks. ”Hmm...I think you already gave her up. As for when she comes back to school… Let”s just say she”s waiting for her stitches to heal. The stitches that she had to get after you pushed her and caused her to hit her head. Remember that?”
My stomach cramps. I close my eyes against the image of her falling, of the blood dripping onto the floor. The horror in her eyes, the pain and fear. I did that to her, and I’ll never truly forgive myself. I’ll spend every day making it up to her if she gives me the chance.
”That was an accident.”
”Was calling her white trash an accident too? Because you know what they say about emotional and physical abuse. Physical wounds heal, but it’s the emotional wounds that stay with you forever. I wonder how long it’ll take for her to heal?”
Another recruit stumbles down the steps of the main house, across the sidewalk, and onto the grass. His glassy eyes barely register us as he races across the line. Being the asshole he is, Sebastian kicks him in his bare flank, sending him stumbling but not fully down. We watch him run until he disappears down the small hill.
Needing a minute to fight back the slowly rising guilt and revulsion of how thoroughly fucked up I am for still wanting her, I turn and walk back into the house.
I snatch one of the recruits who’s finishing his last shot. ”Let”s go, asshole. Time”s up.”
He struggles and stumbles to his feet, and I drag him out of the house and throw him toward the line. Color me surprised when he doesn”t fall and takes off running. Not bad.
I watch him go and then step back inside the house and call out to the remaining stragglers. ”You have two minutes to get your asses outside, or you”re done. For good.”
I turn and watch as Sebastian wanders slowly down the lantern-lined route, and I follow him. He”s not getting out of this conversation that easily.
When he pauses, we end up side by side. ”Look, everything that happened at that party was fucked up, okay? It didn”t go as planned, not at all.”
He glances over at me, his features partially hidden in the shadows from the low-lit lanterns. ”How is your fiancée, Drew? Have you fucked her yet? Last I saw, she was ready to strip down in the middle of the ballroom in front of everyone. Hell, I bet she’d let me fuck her with you. Two-for-one special.”
I clench my teeth and glare off into the dark so I don”t take a swing at him. This has been his attitude the few times I”ve seen him since that night. ”That’s over with. I made it clear to Spencer and to my father that I won’t marry her. He let it drop, for now at least. What are we doing here, man? Is this what years of friendship amounts to?”
Like a bow strung too tightly, he snaps, getting right into my face, his chest bumping against mine. The smell of vodka from his breath burns my eyes. “You fucked her and then threw her away in the most painful way possible. When she needed you most. My fucking sister. You expect me to be okay with that? You expect me to choose you over her?”
A snake of danger and pain slithers up my spine. I”m two seconds away from saying MY sister, but I don”t. I lock the words down because I know that would only start a different kind of fight. ”You didn”t know she was your sister until a month ago. She”s nothing to you. And I’m not asking you to pick me over her or saying that what I did was okay. I’m simply trying to figure out why you’re so pissed off at me.”
He turns away from me with a shake of his head. ”I might not know a lot about her, but she”s still my responsibility, my ward. She’s my fucking sister, Drew, my sister. I’ve lost everything, and now I find out I have a sister, a relative that’s worthy of giving a fuck about.” His voice cracks with raw emotion, and I can understand his desire to protect her. Much like me, he’s never had anyone in his life who’s worth giving a fuck about. “Anyway, the right thing to do is to protect her, even if that means keeping you away from her. Even if she wanted to see you, which she doesn”t.”
I sigh, the emotions in my chest all churned up in a gut-wrenching mess. I can”t even think about her these days without feeling sick. Not because of her, but because of myself. I’ve never regretted anything in my life as much as I do the way I treated her that night. I want her back in my life, yes, but not in the same way. I want more, something deeper, something… dare I say like forever. I’ve already come to terms with the fact that my father needs to be taken care of. I don’t know how I’ll do that yet, but I’m not giving up Bel for him. He’s unpredictable, and proving to him that she was nothing to me put the target back on me and off her.
No matter what, I keep going back to that night—to the betrayal etched into her beautiful features and the pain-stricken look in her eyes. I did that to her, and I hated myself for it. I haven”t even been able to look at myself in the mirror since.
The only saving grace is that I haven”t had to deal with my father much since then either. I”m worried if I spend longer than five minutes with him, I”ll try to kill him, and I”m not quite ready to cross that bridge… yet.
”What do you want from me, Seb? I thought I was doing the right thing. I was protecting her,” I whisper.
”Nothing. Neither of us wants anything from you. Give it up and leave her alone. That”s the only way I”ll be able to keep myself from putting a bullet in your head.”
The world seems to freeze at his words, but the chill in his eyes tells me he”s dead serious. I try not to show him my hurt, but it’s almost impossible.
”Are you fucking kidding? Were you not paying attention for the past couple of months? She belongs to me,” I lower my voice and step up to him so we are only a few inches apart. ”She is mine.”
A hand snakes between us and presses me back. Lee inserts himself between us, clearly seeing the war brewing.
”Unless you two are going to make out, back the fuck up. It’s obvious neither of you is sharing what happened between the two of you at the party, but I”m done playing referee, trying to keep both of you from killing each other. Now, we have a job to finish here. Let”s keep these assholes from dying of alcohol poisoning and frostbite. Otherwise, we”ll have a different kind of problem on our hands. Then you two can go back to your respective corners of sulking and brooding.”
That was the problem in all this. I have no plans to go anywhere. I let out a long sigh and swipe Lee”s bottle of liquor from his hand. Bringing it to my lips, I take a long gulp and barely manage to swallow it.
I lift the bottle, peeking at the label.
”Fucking gin, Lee. Really?”
He eyes me as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand as if that’ll get the terrible taste out of my mouth. ”Hey, I don”t judge your beverage choices, don”t judge mine.”
He snatches the bottle back and stands between Seb and I, his body acting as a shield. If Seb and I were really going to fight it out, Lee wouldn’t be able to stop us.
Our attention is brought back to the runners as the last of the recruits stagger out of the house, resembling that of drunk toddlers as they race across the lawn. Fucking finally. Only a little while longer until I can get out of here. Not that I have anything to look forward to after this. Bel’s locked away in an ivory tower, and I have no way of rescuing her.
I”m many things—a heinous villain, devilishly handsome, an asshole, and prick?—
but I’m not dumb. I’ve been watching Sebastian like a hawk, and I know he”s got her stashed away at his house. It’s the only viable option. She’s not at the dorms or living in her mother’s house. I haven’t caught even a glimpse of her, and it’s that withdrawal, her absence that makes me snappy and irritable. Fuck me.
I could always break into the house. I’m not against that… I’d take a charge just to see her beautiful face again. I tried previously and was tossed out on my ass, but that was before. I’m sure they expected it then. As quickly as the thought comes to mind, I shove it away. I’ll save that as a last-ditch effort. I’m not quite at the end of my rope yet.
I pull my phone out and peer down at the screen. I’ve sent her numerous texts, but she only ever tells me to leave her alone or stop messaging her. I’ve even called. I can’t believe she thinks I’d be deterred by her telling me to go away or leave her alone. Maybe if I was a good guy, but I’m not. I’m Drew, the monster she picked to hunt her down in the woods. The man she gave her virginity to and showed all the dark corners of her mind to.
I’m not going anywhere.
Navigating to my messages, I click on her name and then type out another message and hit send. It pings back as undelivered, and I squeeze the phone hard enough to break it while I glare at the ground. I count back from ten…trying to calm myself before I do something stupid like beat the fuck out of my best friend.
Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.
Once I feel a smidge less murderous, I speak.
”Is her cell phone included in her house arrest?”
Seb turns and gives me his typical icy glare that eats through my insides like acid. ”She’s not under house arrest, fuckwad, and I didn”t take shit from her. She threw her phone away because you kept texting her. I was happy to supply her with a brand-new one. One that doesn”t have your number in it.”
Lee’s gaze darts between us, the sides of his mouth turned down into a scowl. ”Will you two stop your fucking squabbling and pay attention? I think we just lost one of the fuckers.”
One of the recruits lies sprawled out in the grass, appearing to be passed out only a few feet shy of the finish line. Not quite, buddy. I march over and check his pulse, then his fingertips and toes. ”He”s alive but very drunk.”
Not so gently, I haul him to his feet, and a jumble of slurred words slip past his lips while I drag him over to Lee. The guy”s knees buckle beneath him as I hand him off, and lucky for him, Lee is quick. Otherwise, he’d be eating dirt again.
I meet Lee’s eyes over the kid’s shoulder. “Get that number for me, yeah?”
“You missed the finish line by five feet, man,” Lee tells him, with a quick nod to me, and then they disappear back toward the house. All over again, it’s Seb and me left by ourselves. I turn and find him looking at me. His piercing gaze slices straight through me.
”I understandwhy you want to protect her, but you can”t keep her from me forever. Eventually, she’ll have to return to school, and inevitably, I’ll see her. I’ve known you for the majority of my life, and I know you like to think you can control every situation, but you can’t. I’m warning you now. I don’t give a fuck what you think or how you feel. Bel is mine. She was mine before you found out she was your sister, and she’ll be mine long after.”
He smirks, but it”s the serial killer’s smirk as he lowers the knife to your throat.
”Sure… but let me share something with you. The Bel who was yours? She’s gone. Now that I think about it, what was that nickname you called her? Wallflower?” He taps at his chin like he’s lost in thought. “Ahh, yes. I’d say she’s more like a wildflower now, and we both know you don’t want anything you can’t tame. Your best bet is to leave her alone… that is, unless you want our friendship to end and your ass ten feet in the ground.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. You won’t kill me. We’ve been through too much.”
He gives me a shove, but I barely feel it.
“Don’t tell me what I’ll do or not do. If you think I’ll stand by and let you treat her like shit, you don’t know me at all. When it comes to Bel, I’ll do whatever I have to do to protect her. Even kill you, if that”s the only way to get rid of you. Family before anything.”
I’m not sure how to react, but I continue staring him down, refusing to show an inkling of fear. Sebastian is taking this brother role very seriously, and I don’t think he’s bluffing. That’s the thing, though, neither am I.
Eventually, one of us will have to give…