Chapter Seven
Danny
“You know, they’re not poisonous,” Bailey said, gesturing at the lollipop I was still holding—and staring at it like I expected it to bite me.
“Yeah, I know,” I said, still not taking my eyes off the lolly.
We were all in the changing rooms getting ready for our first training session of the season.
I’d kept hold of the sweet all the way through breakfast, Clive’s opening presentation about his plans for the season, Tommy’s training overview, and Gavin’s physical performance breakdown, not really paying attention to any of them.
I was too busy thinking about what Ezra had given me.
“Don’t you like strawberry and cream?”
I glanced at the wrapper. I hadn’t even noticed what flavour it was when I’d picked it. “Oh, yeah, it’s a good one.”
“I mean, if you don’t want it…”
“Fuck off, man. You had one earlier.”
“So? You’ve been staring at it for like three hours. You clearly don’t want it,” Bailey said with a vague wave of his hand, like he was thinking about reaching out to take my prize but was worried I might bite him. Which I might. This was my lollipop and no other fucker was having it.
“What if I do? What if I’m saving it as a reward for surviving whatever the fuck Gavin’s got in store for us?”
Bailey pursed his mouth and nodded understandingly.
Gavin, the Knights head of Physical Performance, had a well-deserved reputation for being an absolute bastard.
And while he got results, it didn’t mean any of us liked him or appreciated the shit he put us through.
“God, it’s going to be so bad,” he said.
“I’ve hardly done any training this summer. ”
“Sucks to be you then,” I said, finally putting the lolly into the zip pocket on one end of my bag, tucking it underneath some sun cream and face wipes in the hope nobody would steal it.
“Have you seriously been in the gym every day? ’Cos if you have, that’s impressive,” Hunter said, sitting down on Bailey’s other side and handing him a shaker of pre-workout and a lemon muffin.
The two of them were super close, like Charlie and me levels of close, but sometimes I wondered if there was more going on between them.
Usually, I wouldn’t have suspected anything. It was only because I’d seen them sitting with Jonny’s brother, Aiden, at a barbecue back in June, and both of them had their hands on his thighs. And not in a friendly way.
Like, a “we’ve definitely fucked and we’re going to do it again” way.
Maybe I’d ask them about it.
“Not every day. Rest is important,” I said.
“But yeah, I’ve been doing little bits—just like some running and free weights, bit of swimming.
Took my sister to Mykonos, so didn’t do too much while we were there.
” The hotel had a little gym I’d used in the mornings, but then I’d used my afternoons to lounge by the pool with Jade, doing nothing or occasionally going out exploring.
We’d spent a lot of time in bars and restaurants too, and I was glad she’d been able to have some fun. The trip had kind of been a last-minute thing to cheer her up after she’d finally dumped the knobhead who’d stuck around for far too long and made her fucking miserable.
Plus getting her out of the country meant he hadn’t been able to wheedle his way back into her life because I’d reminded her how much better things were without him.
“Bet your sister is a better travel companion than some people,” Bailey said with a pointed look at Hunter as he sipped his pre-workout.
“What? It wasn’t that bad. We didn’t miss our flight,” Hunter said, looking baffled by Bailey’s statement. “Just because I don’t insist on being at the airport three hours beforehand. Also, I am the only reason you aren’t a lobster right now.”
“Mate, did you seriously forget sun cream?” I asked, side-eyeing Bailey.
Half these jokers clearly didn’t have a skincare routine and it showed.
But that shit was important, especially when we spent so much time outside exposed to everything from burning sun to freezing cold and lashing rain.
And I still wanted to look hot when I retired.
“No! I just wasn’t obsessed with putting it on every hour.”
“You should be,” Hunter said, gesturing at him. “Look at you, you’re white as a ghost. Ghosts probably use you as colour match.”
“Not all of us tan,” Bailey said.
“Which is why those people should use sun cream.”
I nodded. “He’s right. It’s not good for you. Skin cancer isn’t a joke. Also, you should be wearing it every day?”
“Bloody wingers,” Bailey said teasingly. “Of course you have a skincare routine.”
“Says the fullback. You do fuck all except be a shit version of a goalkeeper.”
“Fuck off, my job is to fix your mistakes.”
I grinned. “I don’t make mistakes, Young, because I’m fucking awesome.”
Bailey snorted and shoved me playfully. “You’re a dickhead.”
“Takes one to know one,” I said, shoving him back as Charlie appeared from the toilets, looking worryingly pale. I’d been wondering where he’d gotten to because he’d disappeared off to take a shit twenty minutes ago. “You all right, Charlie?”
“I dunno,” he said, sitting down on the bench next to me and rubbing his midsection cautiously. “My stomach is killing me. I feel like shit.”
I looked him up and down, thinking back to what he’d eaten while he’d been with me. We’d had the same breakfast, but I felt fine, unless… “Did you have a smoothie at break?”
“Yeah, why?” Charlie’s face suddenly went even paler, his mouth falling open, and I knew he’d realised what I was about to say.
“Chef puts Greek yoghurt in them for protein,” I said. “You can’t have that.”
“Bollocks,” Charlie said. “I totally forgot he does that. I thought it tasted weird.”
I sighed. Charlie’s aversion to yoghurt and other dairy was pretty new, and he was still getting used to it.
Half the time he forgot to even check for dairy, and I’d taken to walking along behind him in the canteen and taking stuff off his tray, if only so we both didn’t have to deal with his bloating, cramping, and toxic farts.
But I’d been too distracted by my lollipop during break to notice what he’d picked up.
“You’ll have to tell Tommy. You can’t train like this,” I said as Charlie groaned and folded himself in half.
“It’s the first day back, though.”
“So? You still can’t train.”
“This is the worst,” Charlie said with a pained whine.
“I know,” I said, rubbing his back sympathetically. As much as I wanted to take the piss out of him, there were some lines I’d learned not to cross. And this was one of them. Sure, it might have been self-inflicted by Charlie’s own carelessness, but it had to suck balls.
Although I wasn’t sure if that was right.
I mean, if you liked sucking balls, then it wouldn’t be a bad thing, would it?
And I’d never sucked balls, so how did I know it, well, sucked?
It could be kinda nice. Maybe? I did kind of like sucking things.
I’d always been that kid in school who’d chewed pen lids and sucked the end of their pens.
I just kind of liked something in my mouth. It kept my brain occupied.
“Do you think I can stay here?” Charlie asked.
“Maybe? Or you can go and lie in the first aid room?”
“That would be good.” He moaned sadly. “Amanda is gonna kill me.”
“Nah, she might think you’re a prat but that’s nothing new.”
“Do you think she’ll still want to marry me?”
“Mate, this is not even in the top twenty stupid things you’ve done in your life. If she hasn’t been put off so far, I don’t think this will make a difference.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” He looked up at me sadly and I couldn’t not feel pity for the guy.
“I still don’t know when to ask her. I want it to be special.
I thought about doing it at dinner or something but maybe I should wait until the end of August when we go back to her parents for her nan’s birthday.
They’re really close and I think she’d like that.
But if she says no, that’d be so awkward. ”
“She’s definitely gonna say yes, whatever you choose.”
Charlie nodded and then frowned. “Did you finally eat your lolly? You were still holding it when I went to the toilet.”
“Nah, I’m saving it for later,” I said, telling him exactly what I’d told Bailey. Lies were more convincing if you kept it simple and stuck to the same story. Although technically it wasn’t really a lie. I was saving it for later, just not as a reward for surviving Gavin’s training session.
“I should’ve done that.”
“Maybe they’ll do it again and you can get another one. Or I bet Ezra’s got some spares in the marketing office.”
“Where even is that?”
“I don’t know. Somewhere upstairs near Clive’s office I think.”
Charlie burped loudly, and from my other side, Bailey said, “You all right, Charlie?”
“No,” Charlie said with a sad groan. “I think I’m gonna die.”
“You’re not gonna die,” I said, turning my head around and finding Bailey and Hunter watching me. “Charlie can’t have dairy anymore and he forgot that Chef often puts yoghurt in the smoothies and drank one without checking. So now he feels like shit.”
Hunter winced. “IBS or an allergy?”
“IBS, I think,” Charlie said. “Might be stress related.”
“What are you stressed about?” Bailey asked.
“Picking an engagement ring,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I was meant to have said that, though, so I quickly added, “Among other things.”
“Shit, that’s awesome! Congrats,” Hunter said.
“Thanks. I’ve just got to ask her now,” Charlie said, sitting up slightly. He still looked like he was in pain, though. And I still thought he should go and lie down or sit in the toilets. Whatever he needed to do.
At least this whole situation was distracting me from my thoughts about Ezra and the lollipop.
“You can do it,” Bailey said. “That’s the easy part.”
“Yeah, the planning the wedding is hard,” Hunter added.
“How do you two know? Neither of you are married,” I said.
Bailey shrugged and gestured to some of our teammates.
“No, but they all are, and we’ve all heard them bitch about wedding planning.
Remember when Kegan got super stressed about figuring out what he was going to wear?
Fucking nightmare. His wife literally picked her dress in one trip.
She’d seen it online, went in, tried it on, job done.
But he spent six months agonising over different materials and got three different suits made. ”
“It looked good, though,” Hunter said.
“Yeah, it did.”
“This is why I’m never getting married,” I said. “Too much faff.”
“You might change your mind if you meet the right person,” Bailey said.
“Maybe,” I said, but I wasn’t convinced. It really did seem like a whole lot of hassle for a bit of paper. And while I looked hot as fuck in a suit, that didn’t seem like a good enough reason to get a nice one.
“You still need to organise something with Jessica,” Charlie said. “I really think she’d be good for you.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll think about it.”
I wasn’t going to, but I didn’t need to tell Charlie that.
“Mate, why won’t you message her? She actually liked you and that’s rare. Don’t fuck it up by being a dick and running away,” Charlie said.
“I’m not!” I could feel frustration rising suddenly in my stomach, the bitter taste of bile appearing in the back of my throat. Why wouldn’t he drop it?
And how the fuck could I tell him I wasn’t interested without giving him a reason?
I’d moaned for months about being single, and here was this beautiful woman who thought I was funny and charming, and all I wanted to do was run away.
But I knew if I said that, Charlie would want to know why, and I wasn’t ready for that.
I could barely even admit my feelings to myself.
Because despite the fact I spent most of my time around a bunch of queer men, I was struggling with the idea that I could be gay.
It was something that felt like it should be for other people, not me.
But at the same time, I couldn’t stop thinking about our sexy social media manager and what it might be like to do anything with him.
The two thoughts were at war with each other, and I didn’t know which side was going to win.
Half the time, all I could hear was my dad’s voice as he yelled slurs at players on the TV and guys on our street that he hated.
And the way he’d told me that “real men play sport” and “no son of mine will ever be a nancy.”
The ironic thing was we didn’t speak anymore because he was a wanker. But his words still lingered in my memory, clinging there and refusing to budge, like a stubborn, toxic stain.
It was only in the last few years, being around guys like West and Devon and Mason and now Jonny and Matty, that I’d realised my dad’s words were bullshit. Because there was no way to fuck you weren’t calling any of them men. West would have flattened him without a second thought.
“You should go and see Tommy,” I said to Charlie before he had a chance to say anything else about setting me up. “We’re supposed to be in the gym in two minutes.”
“Yeah, okay.” He looked at me, and I wasn’t sure if the pain in his expression was from his intestines or something else. “You know, if there’s something going on, Danny, you can talk to me, right?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Cool, ’cos I want you to be happy. That’s all. And if you want me to back off, I will.” Charlie smiled softly and I nodded.
I knew he genuinely meant it, but even so, that didn’t mean I was going to tell him. Not until I’d figured it out.
I put my hand into my bag pocket and felt the lollipop there.
After training, I was going to get some answers… to questions I didn’t even know how to ask.