Chapter Eighteen
Danny
“Oh my God, Danny! You didn’t need to bring me flowers,” Amanda said as I handed her the enormous bouquet I’d managed to pick up on the way home.
“Yeah, well, someone has to bring you them,” I said, giving her a half hug and stepping into the house. “And it’s not gonna be Charlie, is it?”
“Oi! I heard that,” Charlie said, sticking his head around the living room door and glaring at me.
“You were meant to. Maybe it’ll give you some encouragement.”
Amanda laughed, the thin golden bangles on her wrist jangling as she pushed back her long dark curls.
I still had no idea how Charlie had managed to land someone like her, but at least he realised how fucking lucky he was.
Because as much as I liked trying to take the piss out of him for being a bad boyfriend, we all knew it was a joke since Charlie seemed to be trying to set the gold standard for boyfriends everywhere.
He adored Amanda and treated her like she was the centre of the universe.
When they did get married, I knew his speech was going to end with all of us in tears because he’d have so much to say about why he loved her.
I was going to need to make sure I packed extra tissues.
Or maybe some of those fancy handkerchiefs.
I bet Ezra could tell me where to find some.
“Thank you,” Amanda said, shifting the bouquet into the crook of one arm and gesturing into the house.
“Go on in and sit down. Charlie’ll get you a drink.
Jessica’s here too and really looking forward to seeing you again.
” She smiled at me encouragingly and I nodded, trying my best not to grimace as my stomach turned.
“Cool, yeah, Charlie mentioned she was coming,” I said. “And don’t worry, I can get myself a drink. It’s not like I don’t know where everything is.”
“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll get you one. You go and sit down,” Charlie said.
He’d appeared behind me like some fucking stalker to retrieve Amanda’s flowers, and now he was making shooing motions towards me like he hoped that’d get me to move.
It kind of reminded me of the way people waved their arms at geese to get them to sod off.
I shivered slightly. I fucking hated geese. Nasty bastards the lot of them.
Charlie was also now giving me encouraging looks, and I resisted the urge to turn around and walk straight out the door.
After my experience with Ezra in his office, I was now ten thousand percent sure I didn’t want to go out with Jessica.
But if I left, Charlie would chase me down and confront me, and then everything would come spewing out, projectile style.
The only thing I could do was get through tonight, then make sure it never happened again.
“Yeah, all right,” I said, looking between their eager faces.
Fuck me, maybe it was a good thing they didn’t know I was gay, or they’d find every queer man they knew and try and set me up.
I needed Charlie to propose ASAFuckingP so they could stop focusing on me and start planning the wedding.
At least that would distract them for a while until they asked me if I wanted to bring a date.
Maybe they’d go for a small wedding. Like ten people. Then it wouldn’t matter if I was single or not.
I turned and walked into the living room, plastering a smile on my face and dialling the charm up to eleven. “Hey,” I said as Jessica looked up from her phone to see who it was, her blonde hair glowing slightly in the lamp light. “How’re you? Nice to see you again.”
“Hi! So lovely to see you,” she said as I slid around the sofa and bent down to kiss her cheek. For all my fuckboy reputation, I did know how to be a gentleman. Thank you, Grandad, for that.
Jessica smiled at me, and it was beautiful.
Genuine too. And she patted the seat next to her for me to sit down, crossing her legs and angling her body towards me.
She was gorgeous, with long blonde hair and a sweet smile and little freckles on her nose.
She was wearing a white summer dress and heeled sandals, and I noticed her toenails were painted a coral pink.
I kind of wanted to ask the brand and shade name because my sister had been looking for something like that and had grumbled about it constantly while we were away because hers had come out more orange.
And yes, I knew the fucking difference because Jade had practically made a bloody PowerPoint presentation of colour swatches when I’d said they looked the same.
I was never making that mistake again.
“How’re things going? You’re back at training, right? That must be a shock after your break,” Jessica said, picking up her glass of white wine and sipping it slowly.
“Not bad. Yeah, back at training but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.
I tried to keep doing some bits over the summer, even did a couple of those water aerobics classes on holiday.
I tell you what, they are no fucking joke.
I was getting my arse kicked by these tiny seventy-year-old women.
I swear, they were walking on water while I was wading through cement. ”
Jessica laughed gently. “Those classes are so hard. They do them at my gym too and they’re always playing club classics at seven in the morning. It’s like a tiny rave in the pool.”
“See, if they had, like, glowsticks and club lighting, I’d be there all the time. We’ll get everyone waterproof face paint or something.”
“I’d definitely want to see that,” Jessica said, sliding a tiny bit closer. “I bet you’d look great.”
“Don’t be so sure. I’d just make a twat of myself.” I grinned while rapidly searching around for a way to change the subject away from me in swimwear. “How’s things with you? Still really busy with work?”
“Always! But it’s good, though. I mean some days are very rough, because people take their anger and frustration out on me when things aren’t looking great—which is understandable, because pets are family, but never acceptable.
But a client did bring the most gorgeous litter of cocker spaniel puppies in today for their first vaccinations and they were the cutest little beans!
Oh, and they smelled so good! Puppy smell is the best, like warm milk and Weetabix. ”
She lit up as she spoke, and her enthusiasm was infectious.
But it still didn’t change how I felt. Jessica was cute, but that was it.
She might be fun to be friends with, but I didn’t want anything more.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been around puppies that small,” I said.
“I’ve only ever seen videos of them on TikTok where they wobble around like they’re drunk. ”
“Do you like dogs then? Or are you more of a cat person?”
“I kinda like both. I guess I’m not that picky about pets, unless we’re talking about starting some sort of petting zoo. Then I’m putting my foot down about geese.”
Jessica laughed and moved a bit closer, putting her hand on my knee. I did my best not to flinch away. “How about ducks? Or chickens? Or even a goat?”
“I mean, I guess they’re fine,” I said with a nervous chuckle. “I’ve never had any of them before.”
“We had a few chickens when I was growing up,” Jessica said. “They laid the best eggs. The cakes we made from them were this incredible golden colour.”
“Sounds amazing. I can’t bake for shit.”
“Well, if you ever want to learn, I’d be happy to teach you,” she said. “Or I could bring you some cake.”
Ah fuck. Okay, I needed to backpedal fast. How the hell did I do that?
Where the fuck was Charlie with my drink when I needed him?
“That’d be nice.” It was the wrong choice of words, but I didn’t know what else to say. “But, er, I’m trying to watch what I eat right now. What with training and getting ready for the season.”
“If you can have apple crumble and custard at lunch, you can absolutely have some cake,” Charlie said as he walked in with two beers, handing one to me over the back of the sofa.
I tried not to glare at him because while I didn’t appreciate him throwing me under the bus, at least I wasn’t on my own now.
“Yeah, but if Jessica brings me a whole cake, I’m gonna eat it in like two sittings,” I said, hoping that would do as an excuse. “Did Amanda need a hand with anything?”
“Don’t think so,” Charlie said. “It’ll all be ready in about half an hour.”
I shifted in my seat and smiled as I tried not to let my mind wander and think about what Ezra was doing with his evening. Hopefully, it was more fun than this. I was almost tempted to message him and ask for my emergency phone call to escape the awkwardness.
I sipped my beer, pushing away the thoughts that wished it was vodka or something sweeter, trying to think of something to say.
But I couldn’t think of anything.
I was too preoccupied with thoughts of the gorgeous man in a suit who’d let me suck his dick and praised me for it, who’d made me come with the lightest touch… and who’d been willing to bail me out, no questions asked.
“Can I ask you something?” Charlie asked a couple of hours later while the two of us were clearing up after dinner, me stacking the dishwasher and Charlie scrubbing the casserole dish that Amanda had made the duck ragu in.
She and Jessica were chilling in the living room, and while I could hear the two of them chatting, I couldn’t catch what it was about.
Probably me and how weird I’d been.
“Yeah, what’s up?” I asked, hoping his question would be about his upcoming proposal and not me.
“Are you sure everything is okay? Because you’ve been really on edge lately and it feels like something is going on,” he said. “And you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything. You’re my best mate, Danny, and I’m here for you.”
I bit my lip as I slid more plates into the dishwasher.
I could avoid his question, lie, tell him everything was fine.
But that would only push things further down the line, and I was starting to get sick of hiding everything.
Pretending was becoming a fucking chore, and even though I was terrified of what might happen, I had to start somewhere.
And if it did go wrong, then I knew where I stood. I’d say it was a joke and forget about ever coming out.
“Just been figuring some shit out,” I said quietly, keeping my eyes focused on the plates.
“Yeah? Like what?”
“Stuff about me.”
There was a quiet moment, the splash of water and the muffled conversation from the next room the only sounds filling the air.
Charlie didn’t say anything, just let me think as I slotted cutlery into the little plastic holder.
“I know you think me and Jessica should go out but, er, I don’t wanna do that. I mean, she’s cool but I can’t.”
“Okay,” Charlie said, and I glanced up to see him nodding, giving me a little smile. It was warm and understanding, and for the first time I felt a tiny bit of hope that things might be okay. “I’m sorry if I pushed. I should’ve listened when you said you weren’t interested.”
“Nah, it’s fine. I know you were trying to help.”
“Still, you said no and that’s not cool of me.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said as I added a few glasses to the top shelf. There was another pause and even though we seemed to have sorted shit, there was one more thing I wanted to say. “Would you… would you care if I was… would it matter to you if I, er, if I was gay?”
“No, why would it?” Charlie asked and even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew he’d turned around and was drying his hands on a tea towel. “You’re my best mate, Danny. You being gay or bi or straight doesn’t matter to me as long as you’re happy.”
“You sure? It wouldn’t be too much?”
“No, of course not. Why would it?”
“I mean we play with a lot of guys who aren’t straight. Wouldn’t it be weird if I was also…”
Charlie put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “Listen to me, I don’t care who else we play with as long as they’re not dicks. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”
“Cool… yeah, okay,” I said, a strange combination of relief, reassurance, and grief bubbling in my stomach.
I was glad he’d been okay with it, but it didn’t feel like it should have been that easy.
In the back of my mind, a little voice whispered that Charlie was only saying that because he was my friend.
That at some point, the other shoe would drop and I’d see his real reaction.
I didn’t want to believe it. Why would I? Charlie had never lied to me before, and I trusted him more than anyone, except maybe Ezra.
But logic didn’t seem to apply to these emotions, and I couldn’t seem to make it stick.
“So, is this you coming out?” Charlie asked.
“Maybe,” I said, because if I put a caveat on my answer, I could always take it back if I had to. “I’m still figuring it out.”
“Okay,” he said. “Remember, I’ll love you whoever you are.”
“Thanks.”
It was a start. The smallest step forward.
It felt like I’d moved a mountain.
But it didn’t feel like a relief.